May I suggest something that helped me very much?

[Manifestor_of_Light]

My older sister was diagnosed with brain cancer in 1989. She died in July of 1990, at the age of 42 from an invariably fatal variety (astrocytoma). She was almost seven years older than me, and my very best friend in the whole world.

I went to Compassionate Friends. It was founded in England. It is for parents whose children have died, from whatever cause. I went to it and it helped me.

They also have a sibling group, for people like me, who had had siblings die. Some of them were little kids of eight or ten, others were grown, and I was the oldest. I was almost forty--this was just a few years after she passed.

Both groups helped me process my grief. Just being able to talk about the person you lost, about anything you want to, and have other people listen without judging, is very powerful.

Unfortunately, I could not get my parents to go, even though my sister's death destroyed the remaining three of us. When I took my mother to a group in my town, that was a mistake. She started talking over other people and interrupting, and had to be TOLD to stop talking, because it was against the rules to give other people advice. She was already senile by then, so I don't think it did much good.

I don't think I could have processed my grief as much as I have, were it not for Compassionate Friends. I can't think of anything else that helped me as much.

[pecwae]

1. A very good suggestion.

Talking with others who are going through similar grief helps tremendously. It helps you feel not so alien since you're at a new normal. Those who have not experienced significant loss mean well, but they don't have the same frame of reference.

If someone tends to refrain from speaking up in groups (like me) there are lots of online resources. One I found most helpful is groww.com It has groups for almost any type of loss imaginable and I made some very close friends through their Child Loss group.

I'm so sorry about your sister. I'm glad to hear TCF Siblings helped soften the edges of your grief.

:hug:

[Manifestor_of_Light]

2. And today is the anniversary.

I must light a candle. It's been seventeen years since she was taken from us and I became an only child instead of a little sister.

Karen E. Gray
June 27, 1948 - July 12, 1990
RIP