Two weddings in March!

[Longhorn]

My identical twins are both getting married about a week apart in March. And no, no interest in a double wedding. I also have an older daughter and a younger son. The ages are 27, 24, 24, and 22. My husband and I are trying to decide how much we can spend. From the time we were young, we've tried to be as fair as possible. When it came to class rings, we priced the "average" ring and said that's how much we would pay. They each paid the difference for their more expensive rings. We decided we would pay the first year of college at a state university -- dorm, tuition, and books -- and after that, we would pay for tuition and books and they were welcome to live at home (we live near two state universities.) We've decided this offer is good until they get married or reach age 30, whichever comes first!

We're trying to come up with a fair policy for handling weddings. Any advice? We're not poor but we're not wealthy, either, and we also don't believe in wasting money. We were married in a very modest but lovely ceremony in my parents' home 30 years ago. I've never been that impressed with big fancy weddings -- all I can think about is how that money could be put to better use!

One daughter is planning to get married in Cozumel and has priced the trip -- $800 per person for four days at an all-inclusive hotel, including airfare. Guests would pay for themselves. She hasn't told me yet how much she expects the actual wedding to cost. She's not expecting more than about a dozen.

The other daughter wants to get married in a scenic location in Austin. She is also not planning anything really big. Her fiance is Jewish (though not religious) so they would like to include Jewish customs. None of our family is religious so no one is planning a "church wedding."

A friend at work said her daughter's "modest wedding" in November is going to cost $20,000! We were thinking more like $5,000! Any ideas out there on how to be fair and do something affordable? Thanks!

[NashVegas]

1. Well, On the Bright Side

Mexico is cheap once you get there.

I'd say give each an equal amount to draw from.

Congratulations!

[Longhorn]

2. Well, that's the plan -- it's just deciding how much!

Thanks! :hi:

[wakemeupwhenitsover]

3. I think that $5,000 is adequate.

When I got married many moons ago, that's what my parents did: they gave me a set amount to do with as I wanted. It really made me budget. I thought that food was the most important item & sunk over half into that. Then I cheaped out & cut corners on everything else.

I think if couples don't set a budget then before they know it, the costs have skyrocketed out of all proportion. Weddings can be horrifically expensive. There are expenses for things you've never, ever dreamed of. With a budget, or a set amount, the couples have to decide where the money is going to go & stick to it. Anything extra they can pay for themselves.

Best wishes to both the brides!

:hug:

[Dora]

4. I was married in 2002.

IMO, "modest" is a euphemism for "more than we expected but we're not going to whine." We had a "modest" wedding, and I wish I had been more conscientous about the expense.


Our biggest expenses were food, the photographer, my suit, and the band. My mother paid for it (bless her), and we wound up spending slightly more than $10,000. In retrospect, I wish I had eloped and taken the cash (which my stepdad offered when we announced our engagement).

Ways to save on weddings....

*Have a morning ceremony with a brunch or luncheon reception. Or, have a post-lunch ceremony with a cake and champagne reception mid-afternoon.

*Friday and Saturday weddings have the steepest site/location expenses. Sundays and weekdays are cheapest. We had ours on a Sunday morning at a public park facility. Probably the closest Austin comparison would be Zilker Clubhouse, but I don't know what they charge. Our site rental expense was only $300 - cheap compared to others we checked out.

*Have the wedding "off-season." March through June are peak wedding months and may require more advance planning: difficult to find a site, difficult to schedule a caterer, bands and djs are busy.

*The bride and groom must prioritize their wants. What's most important? The dress? The music? The photos? The food? The site? The invitations?

*I designed my own invitations and ordered them directly from a printer in town. I probably saved $500 or more on my invitations.

*Don't go crazy on the bridal gown/suit. I wish I hadn't spent as much as I did. At the time, it seemed like the only option, but in retrospect, I could have found something off the rack and been just as beautiful.

*Flowers: Use what's in season and easily available.

*Keep the wedding party small.

I spent a lot of time on the about.com Weddings website getting ideas for how/where to save money.

$5,000 is generous and can go a long way.

[wakemeupwhenitsover]

5. Great suggestions.

We had a brunch buffet. Much, much cheaper than either a sit down lunch or dinner. Plus, way more choices. Hors d'oerves are killer expensive (lots more handiwork in making them). I remember when I was checking out wedding/reception sites I had two different coordinators tell me that it was a beautiful idea & they'd never had a bride go that option before. For me, it was all about the food. I've been to a million weddings, have seen a million dresses. All I'm there for is to celebrate & eat. I wanted great food & champagne. For me, the rest was pretty unimportant.

Flowers are uber-expensive. Go whole hog if you want on the bridal bouquet, but think about skimping on the table flowers, wedding site flowers, etc.-if you even bother with them.

On the invitations, remember that you don't need to order one for each person invited. Most are probably going out to couples. I didn't think of that & ended up spending waaay more than I needed to. Costly mistake even though I just got standard ones.

Priortize, priortize, priortize. If you're giving them a set amount then they can do what they want.

Photographers are another uber-expense. We had a friend take ours. It worked out great, but I've heard horror stories. I think with todays digital cameras having a friend or two or three take them wouldn't be near the risk that it was years ago.

[Longhorn]

6. These are some great ideas that I will share with my daughters!

They took me out to dinner last night for my birthday. I told them about the $5000 and they both seemed fine with it. I think they regard anything we give them as extra and not expected. Each one will have a credit card to use so that we won't have to come up with the cash all at once.

The Cozumel bride got a quote for her wedding and it was only $2300, not including the cake, food, and alcohol but including flowers and photography. But they're hoping to pay for some of the travel costs of their guests themselves, hoping more of their friends and family will be able to go.

The other daughter is entering the lottery drawing for the Zilker Clubhouse. She'll know by the end of this month.

It does seem like my daughters have their priorities straight, which isn't really a surprise but I know how much the wedding shops and magazines can present what a "normal" wedding is like!

Thanks everyone! I'll keep you posted! :)

[LiberalinNC]

7. Who says the bride's family MUST pay for everything....

The Bride typically pays for
The Wedding ring for the Groom
Gifts for the Attendants
Accommodation for out-of-town Attendants
The Wedding gift for the Groom

The Groom typically pays for
The Bride's rings including the Engagement ring
The honeymoon
Wedding gift for the bride
The marriage license
The Groom's men gifts
Accommodation for out-of-town groom's men
Flowers for the Bride
The going-away corsage,
corsages for mothers, special ladies;
The boutonnieres for men in wedding party
The gloves, ties and accessories for the men in the wedding party
Fee for clergyperson or judge

The Groom's Family typically pays for
Clothing for the Wedding
Travel and lodging expenses
Rehearsal dinner
The Wedding gift for the newlyweds

The Bride's Family typically pays for:
The costs of the reception.
The Bride's Wedding attire/trousseau
Invitations, announcements, thank you notes
The seating assignment chart, napkins and mailing costs
Photographer
Videographer
Ceremony costs
Bridesmaids, flower girl, ring bearer flowers and accessories
Transportation for bridal party on Wedding day from ceremony to reception.
All gratuities for all services: parking, security
Bridesmaid luncheon

The Attendants typically pay for:
Their Wedding clothes
Travel expenses
Wedding gift for newlyweds


For my son's bar mitzvah last year, the total cost for the party, clothing for my family (there is 5 of us), "toys for the children", florist, gift bags, decorations, and invitations, I paid $10,000.00. There are many ways you can cut corners, like make your own center pieces, order discounted invitations online, they are as nice as you can get at your local stationary store, I purchased the gift bags (for not only after the party take home gifts, but for bags for the out of town guests staying at the hotel) on line and they turned out beautiful.

Good luck!!

[Longhorn]

8. Actually, we plan to give our son the same amount of money to use

however he wishes when he gets married. I agree that in this day and time when young people are often older when they get married that it is harder and harder to justify the parents, let along the bride's parents, to foot the bill! To me, it's more of a wedding gift than an obligation.

[wakemeupwhenitsover]

9. We gave our son money when he said they were getting married.

He & his wife could spend it however they saw fit. It was a wedding gift.

[sandnsea]

10. My daughter's was $2,000 - but the dress was cheap

She found a pretty white dress for $100 so that was a big big chunk off the top. Her plan was a beach wedding and she just wanted a tea length, ended up with a sort of ballet type dance dress, pretty and inexpensive. That definitely helped.

We rented a beach house for the week-end, which was the most expensive part of the wedding. The plan was wedding on the beach, reception in the house, but it rained that DAY ONLY, so we had all of it in the house. There are hoards and hoards of hydrangea here, so we picked them from people's gardens, painted some coffee cans white and put ribbon around them, sat them all over the house. Filled white bags with sand for luminaries on the stairs. Brandy sifters with sand for more candles. Borrowed white Christmas lights from one of the local businesses. Some moms pitched in and made a finger food buffet. She just did most things herself and wasn't above going to the dollar store either. I think it was really pretty (of course), so it can be done. There was about 80 people there.

But having gone through one, yoiks, I can't imagine 2 at once. You are in for a hectic - and joyous - year!!

[Longhorn]

11. More good ideas! Thanks!

My daughter is working on the location now, which will determine the actual date. She put in for a drawing for three different public locations that are popular for weddings. She should know by the end of the month if she got any of them.