Hi! My first time posting here, and I have a question. What is the

[schmuls]

reasoning behind giving both a shower gift and and wedding gift? My partner's (who recently passed away after 25 years) niece is getting married in December and recently had a shower and I gave her a gift. Then I found out a wedding gift is expected as well. (As you can tell, I don't go to too many weddings!). Since his death, I'm having enough problems making ends meet, and her parents aren't hurting financially, so I'm sure they haven't even thought about it. Do brides usually have a gift registry for both shower gift and wedding gift? I would almost feel less embarassed if I gave nothing at all rather than a cheap gift!

[NMMNG]

1. I'm only guessing here

But perhaps the shower gift is just for the bride, while the wedding gift is for both the bride and the groom. :shrug:

I haven't been to any showers, and only one wedding.

[NashVegas]

4. Aye

I don't worry so much about bridal shower gifts any more, they've been so "de-feminized," that it doesn't seem much worth the bother.

Wedding gifts, though? I do what I can there. It's hard getting a good start.

I've been single all my life, and it sure would have been nice to not have to shell out the thousands of dollars you need to if you want to be able to create a great setting for entertaining at home, having better cookware, etc., etc.

[politicat]

2. Give a gift of time, if you can.

A coupon for a house cleaning, or a meal prep, or something of the sort.

Otherwise, hit the dollar store. It's okay to give an inexpensive, yet thoughtful gift. The best gifts I ever got were a set of plain, white flour-sacking towels with 6 inches of twill tape sewn into the opposite corners. They were great pot holders, quickie aprons, strainers... they tied easily to a cabinet handle so they were perfect for keeping handy. My great-aunt couldn't afford much, but her gift was practical, useful, and full of thought. I loved them until they finally wore out (last year, after five years of VERY heavy use) and I replaced them myself.

[Longhorn]

3. Here's some spending advice you might find helpful:

http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=758828

My answer is that a gift is never required and anyone who makes it known to you that you should have given more is being rude. Two of my daughters are getting married in the spring and one of their biggest concerns in sending out invitations is that the recipient will think a gift is expected yet they don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by not inviting them. Gifts are supposed to come from the heart and not out of obligation.

You could have skipped the shower and sent a gift for the wedding but if everyone did that, there would be no guests at the shower! If you already gave a nice gift, then no more is required, in my view. :shrug:

[wakemeupwhenitsover]

5. I've always heard that bridal showers were originally given

when the woman (girl) was planning on marrying some guy the bride's parents didn't approve of & they refused to give her a dowery. So, friends would throw a party to help her get her household together.
Showers are the only event where a gift is required. The guests are going to 'shower' her with gifts. No present necessary at a wedding, but it's really expected. She's probably registered somewhere & unless she's a bridezilla she's probably picked a few items with reasonable price tags.

[oregonjen]

6. When I got married, only 13 yrs ago wedding gifts were the traditional

crystal, china, etc. Now, a lot of couples are registring with Home Depot, Bed, Bath and Beyond, etc. I really like the idea of having really useful gifts to set up a home. A bridal gift seemed to be just for the bride. A wedding gift is for the couple to set up their home. At least that's how I thought it went. One gift I received was from my bridesmaid's grandparents and it has been the most useful for me. They gave us a hand mixer that had been used, but not needed anymore. I have used that mixer from time to time and am truly happy they thought of that for me. I sure didn't care that it had been used before. Maybe there is something in your kitchen that you don't really need anymore that might help them set up their new place together that you could wrap up and give?

[amandae]

7. I have no idea but

I was in a wedding about 7 years ago where the bride's family decided the bride had to have 3 bridal showers. It made no sense to me since all the guests were basically the same. To make matters worse, the bride's mom (and the bride, I'm assuming) had the expectation that a gift was required at ALL 3. So all the guests who were invited to all 3 showers were expected to bring gifts to all three showers in addition to a wedding gift. It was highly uncomfortable, since I only gave her one bridal shower gift, yet went to all three bridal showers (again, I was part of the wedding party).

I would just do what you can. The bridal shower gift I gave was one I had made. I didn't have the money to pay for my bridesmaid's dress, wedding gift, and three bridal shower gifts, in addition to hosting one of the bridal showers (her mom's request). I would just give her whatever you can for the wedding gift. If you can give something you can make or a gift certificate for something you can do for her, I would think that would be well received. A couple can only have so many toasters.