Single women, or think back to your single days...

[Lisa0825]

Dating: Love it or hate it? What are your pet peeves?

I definitely have a love-hate relationship with dating. There's the incredible excitement when you click with someone. It feels so good when things are good. But then there's the confusion when things don't go so well, or misread signals, and then the disappointment when it doesn't work out. But I still put myself out there again, hoping for something good.

Over the years, I have had two serious relationships (one including marriage.) One for 10 years and one for two. The rest of the time has been spent either dating or avoiding dating.

One common theme I have had that drives me crazy is getting along incredibly well with someone, and then *poof* he's gone. No breakups, no explanations, nada. So, then there's this waiting period, when I don't know if he's just busy or in some sort of trouble, before I figure out that it's just over. My last boyfriend didn't call me for three months, and then thought we could pick off where we left off.

What bugs me is that because of this track record, I tend to get insecure about keeping in touch. I hate that. It takes all my will power not to call or email again. I don't want my past experiences to affect the way I react to a current person, because he didn't do anything wrong. But it definitely affects my mood.

Over the years, this pattern has happened so many times. So, I was wondering if anyone else finds this to be a common pattern. Or if it's just bad luck. Or something I do or attract it for some reason.

[NashVegas]

1. I've Always Loathed Courtship Rituals

Trouble is, we tend to have negative perceptions of the idea of just saying, "hey, you're fun, let's fuck."

[Lisa0825]

2. My friend Dave told me a story....

He said he had a friend who used to do exactly that! He was very attractive, and apparently while many women were offended, enough of them took him up on it that he got a lot of action!LOL!

I haven't said it so bluntly myself, but there was once, where I made it quite clear. That turned out to be quite the memorable weekend;-) New Orleans tends to bring out the naughty in me! :rofl:

[NashVegas]

6. I'm Envious

I'm in a situation right now that reminds me just how bonkers 'public courting' makes me - and with a southernor (indirect communication, no less). What started as an intriguing acquaintance (someone in my office building) recently turned to flirting; I was recently at a small social function he hosted, had a great time, and now he's dangled some happening on his friends' boat under my nose without making a specific invitation. I imagine I was supposed to make some comment about how envious I am, or 'ooh, that sounds like fun (hint, hint),' but the idea of - initially, at least - trying to be entertaining for his friends *and* cute & sexy for him at the same time has me less than enthused.

[Lilith Velkor]

7. That's what I've been doing

I'm off relationships for now, due to a bullshit overdose.

So far, I've only had positive responses from men in their early twenties. (I'm 36.) Any older than that and they get all weirded out and offended.

I've been limited to males with youthful stamina, beauty, and eagerness to learn how to pleasure a woman...woe is me! :evilgrin:

[NashVegas]

8. LMAO!

Oh you poor, poor dear.

[politicat]

3. hated it.

If you date around, you're a slut.

If you do the serial go-steady thing, it's just as bad as being involved.

If you get involved, there's pressure to not date and investigate other options.

I hated dating, because where I lived when I was dating, every one a person dated should be considered a candidate for marriage. ICK. (I didn't marry by choice; we wanted the SSI and tax benefits.)

If I had it to do over, I'd have moved to a real city instead of growing up in a fundy enclave.

[superconnected]

4. actually he did do something wrong

the disappearing act is a game guys play. Don't ignore it, dump him like a hot potato.

It works like this, 1 week and you don't hear from the guy, you're officially broke up. 2 weeks, erect the tombstone. It's dead dead dead, don't act like it's on hold.

I'm single, and plan to stay that way. I'm not impressed with the marriage I've seen.

As far as dating, it sucks. I don't do it. I consider it for desperate women. Very desperate women. And I consider it dangerous as you don't know who you are out with. I've met plenty of guys I would never want to be alone with, that I didn't figure it out till knowing them better.

How I get my bf's (which last 4.5-6 years - one lasted 4.5 years the others 6 years each), is by being around them, getting to know them, and when we finally get to the movies we aren't calling it a "date", it's more of get-together where we chose that for the night.

What was dating like:

...well I'm a small woman.

It was having the guy grab my wrist and not let me get out of the car without (pretense)kissing him and me fighting to fend him off because he kept contining and the ever present hand slithering into my clothes (happend with dozens of guys).

It was the times when I couldn't get away from him when we got in his apartment and that really bad time about 5 years ago (my last date) where I found myself outside barefoot in the snow, without my shoes, purse, keys, coat etc. and used my hide a key to get home. I got away see, had I not I'd have been raped. Basically it's the same as the car situtation where they wouldn't let me go, only this guy really really wouldn't take no for an answer.

It was the time on my couch where I bit the guy to go through his chest to stop him from entering me. Again, I had made it clear the anwer was no.

It was the fucking fact that half the guys I went out with didn't care what I was saying.

Yeah, that's it.

I won't go on dates now, I don't have problems getting bf's. I suggest you don't go on dates either.

Too friggen dangerous.

[LWolf]

5. Hate it.

I've been married twice; first time for 10 years, 2nd time for 12, and single now for 4 years. In the last 4 years, I've been on one "date." Just because I was supposed to "get over it" and "get my feet wet again." He gave me the creeps, and I screened his calls forever after.

It could just be that I've been burned twice, and am not up for the 3rd strike; I can go out with male friends with no problem at all, as long as there is nothing expected but friendship.

Of course, that all could be because I haven't been invited for a date since the one four years ago! I think I put out a pheromone that says "not interested" these days. I don't really have anything to offer to a dating relationship at this point.

[Love Bug]

9. Hate it -- haven't been on a date for years and don't miss it

I'd love to be in a relationship with a guy but am not willing to go through the horrors of dating to get there. I'm with the poster above who finds guys through her pool of friends.

Our culture just doesn't promote healthy dating and marriages and it's getting worse. It used to be dating was a vehicle for getting to know someone to see if you wanted to take the relationship further. Now dating's primary function seems to be getting laid. I'm all for sex in a relationship, but damn, it would be nice to have the relationship FIRST. Otherwise I just feel used.

[raccoon]

10. Same here, I'm single

and I HATE dating.

"Now dating's primary function seems to be getting laid. I'm all for sex in a relationship, but damn, it would be nice to have the relationship FIRST. "

I strongly second that! It does seem that so many people today
think if you're dating somebody, you're automatically having sex.

I'm a small woman too, and I've had unpleasant experiences with men who don't want to take no for an answer and don't care a rat's foot what I want.

[Lisa0825]

11. For me, it depends...

There are times when I actually am NOT looking for a relationship, but that doesn't mean I stop having a desire for sex. At other times, I am looking for a relationship, and then I tend to take things more slowly, figuring I'm weeding out the guys who are only looking for a hookup. I guess I have my own double standards!

The frustrating thing is that it is SO EASY to get sex, but SO DIFFICULT to get a relationship. So, I admit sometimes I just give up on looking for more. It's just too much trouble trying to find someone "right for me," as opposed to "right for now."