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Edited on Mon Aug-21-06 01:33 PM by jeanarrett
After 20 years of almost daily drinking, and many, many years on the fence, two drunk drivings, in and out of AA, 30 days of rehab 15 years or so ago, I too have finally gotten sick of running on the rat wheel. Last Wednesday, I decided to go back to my first step group and have been sober ever since (six days). Woo hee! Anyone who doesn't understand what an alcoholic is would say, six days, big fucking deal. I am in awe of the old timers, the six monthers, the people with five years, one year, etc. You know what six days means to us newcomers, and what 10 days means to KC. I quit once for 67 days about two years ago. I thought I was on my way, but I went back out. Why? I was trying to do it for someone else. Now, I know that I must do it for me and me alone--my liver was starting to hurt. I've seen up close and personal what a destroyed liver looks like in my 34 year old brother who died 13 years ago. Even that couldn't stop me.
I've been to some meetings, I white-knuckled it a couple of times this weekend. I ate lots of ice cream cones. I talked to some old friends in AA. I told my kids what I was doing so that they could harass and/or encourage me if necessary and as necessary. I ate and kept my stomach full at all times. I tried not to be lonely, angry, tired or hungry. I slept well and didn't wake up with a hangover, not once. I got lots of projects done around the house (just little ones) that I thought I could only tackle with a drink and consequently which have sat there undone for months because once I had the drink, I didn't feel like doing them anymore.
Six days! I never thought I could do six days again. I'm trying for seven, but that's all. On day seven, I'll try for eight. I'm not going to look ahead. Just today. Because that got me before, too much thinking about how much I was going to miss it on Christmas, etc.
Last night at my AA meeting, it felt like I had come home--what the hell's wrong with me that I haven't stuck to this in the past?
Hang in there KC and congrats!
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