I'm really hurting......

[GenDem]

My son is addicted to crack, and like many times in the past 8 years, tonight he is missing -- out using -- who knows where. He is 27 and has lived with us, all but a few months a couple years ago, when we picked him up at an ER after a $700.00 binge that ended with him taking a bottle of tylenol.

Yes, my husband and I are the consummate enablers. My son is a union electrician, makes a decent wage, but we handle all of his money and dole out just what he needs in a futile effort to control it. He plays euchre on Tuesdays and went out using after cards last night. Got home at 4 am, left for work at 6am (presumably) with $10.00, and hasn't returned and is not answering his cell. So tonight I worry.

I am always breathing a sigh of relief when he finally does come home alive. Tough love is hard when a mother is just grateful that her son is not in a morgue. Then he may go 3 or 4 weeks or longer, and the cycle starts all over again. My life is a big ball of anxiety and fear, and I honestly admit that my life has become unmanageable. How do I cope? I divert and distract myself by working a lot of hours, and obsessing over politics. I know I need to go to al-anon, and maybe I'm hurting enough to step back into those rooms that I left behind so many years ago. My husband suffers his own private hell, so we are both broken and distraught.

Because keeping some sense of control is part of my disease -- I need to know that crack can be kicked.

I would appreciate any good vibes sent my way.

[idgiehkt]

1. crack was not my drug of choice but it can be kicked

I will send you good vibes. :hug:

I am sorry that you are in such pain right now, it is a terribly destructive drug and I have seen the pain that it caused in the lives of friends of mine. I do strongly recommend getting back to al-anon or nar-anon or coda as well...just so you have a whole room full of people to support you and numbers you can call in moments like this. There are also online meetings and chat rooms as well that you can find by google. I am so sorry that you are going through this and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. :hug: :hug: :hug:

[GenDem]

3. thank you....

....No sign of him last night or this morning,and I have woken up feeling like I'm getting sick. I work with senior citizens today(some with fragile health) so I may have to call in. That's not good, because I will have no distractions and I'll sit here all day filled with anxiety.

I'm going to check out the on line meetings and call today and get a meeting list. :hug:

[jschurchin]

2. Hi GenDem

What you are trying to deal with is difficult to say the least. There is an Organization to help you understand the disease your son suffers from. It can be found here: http://nar-anon.org/index.html.

This organization did wonders for my mom and I am sure if you keep an open mind and are willing, it can help you too.

God bless you and :hug:.

John

[GenDem]

4. I bookmarked the nar-anon site

Thank you, John.

Unfortunately there are no meetings in my area, and I really think that I would feel at home with that group.

I will go online for an al-anon meeting list, too. My problem with al-anon, around here, is many of the old timers actually have a predetermined problem with drugs being the primary addiction. Alcohol is so much more accepted. I know this from past experience -- my husband is a recovering alcoholic, and for years AA and Al-anon was our social network. Maybe it's different, now.

I do know I need to go, and to make it work I will just remember to take what I want and leave the rest.

:hug:

[KitchenWitch]

5. I do not know this for sure, but I am guessing that Nar-anon is going to be

a similar program to Alanon. And who knows, things may have loosened up around the whole "addict/alcoholic" thing in Alanon since you last attended meetings.

I do know that you do need support of people who have been there. I wish there was more I could do for you right now.

:hug:

[GenDem]

6. Thanks, KW

I've been really bumming. He came home sometime this morning while I was at one of the classes I teach. When I got home at lunch time, I just very calmly said to him through his bedroom door that he had three days to get help (detox, rehab, outpatient, NA, AA) or he had to move out. I need to stay strong. My husband and I agreed to be a united front. I'm also thinking about setting up an intervention. I know that for my own sanity I can't keep going on like this. We are the life boat that has kept him afloat...and most likely have kept him from hitting bottom.

He is now held up in his room -- doing the guilt, shame thing I presume.

I got a local meeting list and I would go tonight, but I'm coming down with some kind of virus -- fever, sore throat, headache. I ended up canceling one of my classes in the early afternoon because I feel so shitty. There's a noon meeting on Saturday that I used to go to, and I will go back to that one to start.

Thank you so much. I see you posting in the lounge, and have so much respect for, and appreciation for your wisdom.

:hug:

[KitchenWitch]

7. Thank you!

Not sure how much wisdom is in my lounge posts...:rofl:

I appreciate you as well.

[Kajsa]

8. Nar-anon is a good place to start.

I'm more familar with Alanon, as I am a second generation AA'er.

This is the same program, only this is for friends/family of the addict.

You will find support, understanding and love there.

It's important that you talk with people who have been in your shoes!

God Bless you !

:hug: