Really stuck..... how do I avoid drinking at this occasion?

[MediumBrownDog]

My new employer is having a welcome dinner for me next week with the corporation's board of directors. All good, right? Well, the company president's secretary let slip that he had ordered my favorite bottle of champagne for the celebration. It was a special order, because the restaurant in question does not carry this particular bottle. He's a big "wine guy" and he and I have had several conversations about wine over the past months, so he knows my tastes.

What on earth do I do here? The G/G's have had some creative suggestions ("Excuse yourself to the bathroom and pour it in the closest potted plant" -- you've gotta love 'em) but I thought I'd tap the wisdom of this group on the issue.

Thank you in advance. Much love --

MBD

P.S. By the way, my brain is telling me "Oh, you can have that one glass of champagne. It's fine. No harm. It's a celebration, isn't it? Yes, that one glass is A-okay." I know my brain is the brain of an addict. But that's the voice in my head.

[NMDemDist2]

1. I like the g/g's idea or tell them your doctor has you on some medication

and "I can't drink, what a shame! How thoughtful of you to order this!"

in fact, I'd make a point to mention the 'medical condition' BEFORE the night of the dinner. You don't want to be the center of attention with a glass of champagne in your hand when you address the situation.

Believe me, to 'normal' drinkers it's no big deal if someone has a situation that occasions them not to drink. While I am all for rigorous honesty, in this case a little white lie is called for. Just know you have to make amends later for it ;)


but at some point I fear honesty is called for, but at this point you just need to dodge the bullet.

Is your husband coming to the dinner as well? I hope so, cuz you are gonna need some support. this is a very slippery place for you.

edit to add this, since it was the secretary that 'let it slip' tell her of your 'medical condition'

she'll smooth the way for you I bet to save both you and her boss embarrassment

another PS, I fit right in to any cocktail party with a glass of plain tonic or club soda with a lime in it :evilgrin:

[MediumBrownDog]

2. Thanks for the pass.....

My gut told me that a white lie was called for, but there's that honesty part of recovery thing.... that's where I've gotten hung up.

I don't want to screw this dinner up. This job is very important to me. Sitting at home alone with too much time on my hands has been deadly. I have too much access and ample means to satisfy my addiction at will, and obviously I was able to justify it to myself until I became physically ill from abusing alcohol.

Your advice to address this ahead of time makes great sense. I'll call his secretary and tell her that I won't be able to drink for X medical reason, thanks for the kind thought, but I don't want him to spend that money unnecessarily, blah blah blah. Perhaps I'll recommend my favorite sparkling water instead!

Whew. I've been stressing about this one... MBD.

[NMDemDist2]

3. good, but keep it brief, don't make a big deal out of it

just express your regrets and appreciation, don't go into too much detail

we alkies always think we need to tell some long involved story when a brief statement is more than enough usually (remember the Pizza Waitress??)

:hug:

[FloridaJudy]

13. Great idea.

When asked if I want a drink, I always reply "No thanks. I can't drink. It makes me sick".

Perfectly honest, and I rarely get asked twice after saying that. If someone's nosy enough to say "Sick how?", I roll my eyes and say "I'll spare you the details. Suffice it to say, it ain't pretty...." Left to the imagination, they can probably picture me puking my guts out (which really would happen), but not the part where I make Borat look like Miss Manners.

[idgiehkt]

4. great suggestion

Some antibiotics you can't drink with because it will make you violently ill (flagyl is one). I think the medication thing is the best idea because there might be a toast or something in which case MBD won't be able to make a quick escape. Good luck, MBD.

[Kajsa]

5. I second all the good advice given here.

Medication that you can't mix with alcohol is
the best bet.

Hey- you can make amends later- this is saving your sobriety AND your job.

A glass of sparking apple juice, seltzer or ginger ale should do just nicely.

Good luck and keep us posted, OK?

:hi:

:hug:

[MediumBrownDog]

6. Thanks for all the great advice..but boy, this is tough

My head is not a good place to be right now. I have printed out this thread and I am carrying it in my pocket. The dinner is Tuesday. To make it even more tempting, the corporate headquarters of my new employer is 1 1/2 hours away. They're putting me up in a nice hotel room for the night. The hotel is right next to -- count 'em -- SIX bars. The hotel does not have a bar in the lobby (one of those extended stay suite things) thank god.

If you have given me your phone number by PM, don't be surprised by a call tomorrow night. I want to stay sober. But damn, I want that glass of wine. MBD.

[NMDemDist2]

7. If it's in Sacramento, they have a 24 hour AA hotline

I worked many a night answering that phone in the middle of night

and there are tons of meetings there, but the latest on weekdays is usually 8PM BUT they run 90 minutes so it's possible to get to a meeting at 9:20 PM and still get to pray with other alkies

Pray your @ss off and do actions NOW to figure out where you are going and what you will do after the dinner.

and you don't have to stay do you? 90 minutes is an easy drive to get home when you're sober ;)

[MediumBrownDog]

8. Unfortunately, I do have to stay, and I will be alone.

The dinner is tomorrow night and then the next morning I have meetings lined up from 8:00 a.m. on. So, there is a certain "business survival instinct" that will keep me from getting hammered that night. I can't do Wednesday with a hangover. My problem is the voice in my head that keeps saying "you can handle it, just have a social cocktail, as long as you're not drinking in the house or drinking alone you're fine." Um, that slippery slope has gotten more and more and more slippery as I've gotten older. It used to take a long time for me to hit the "non-functional zone." Now, it's a matter of days. And it all starts with that first drink. I know that. Admitting that to myself was the biggest step in understanding the difference between "sobering up" and "getting sober."

Thanks for listening. I feel like such an ass. Gee, the worst thing that will happen to me tomorrow (knock on wood) is an embarassment of riches and praise and despite that, part of my brain is plotting my destruction. I have burned more pages in my journal since I found out about this dinner plan than I had in an entire month.

One of the G/G's pointed out something today that has really resonated with me -- "Life can be a 1 or a 10. Crappy or great. Always strive to be a 5. It's the grieving and celebrating that knocks you off the wagon." Kind of a hokey way of saying "just be at peace." Strive to be a 5.

I'm trying. Much love. MBD.

[NMDemDist2]

9. take my cell phone number, I'll put the phone next to the bed

but call me BEFORE you drink OK?

[ismnotwasm]

10. I like that-- 1 or a 10

Or as a friend of mine put, some days it's chicken, and some days it's feathers-- (it was funny at the time)

I wish you well, and just want to offer my love and support. I rarely venture here, but I've been sober for a few 24 hours as they say (Hubby celebrates 25 years this month!)

One of the spot checks that tells me I'm relatively sane is when I realize one drink would never, ever be enough. Not even one entire bottle of the finest wine, which might as well be Thunderbird once I get going.

[Why Syzygy]

12. Me too.

The compulsion comes on almost immediately. No matter how I convince myself that 'this time' will be different, it never is. It's rote.

I've used the medication excuse. However, I really did take it, but that never stopped me if I was bent on it. People are usually polite about your preferences. They may become curious at some point. Non-drinkers do stand out. I believe there are a lot of achievers who never drink. Some are in 'recovery', others not. They just don't drink. Never have a hangover. Feel like showing up and getting things accomplished. Just think of how much better an employee you are sober. It's more enjoyable for everyone. I don't know about you, but I tend to make everyone around me miserable when I drink. I don't do it on purpose. No one wants to suffer through that.

And the honesty thing. You are being honest with your support system. If you had a drink, you might have to go into hiding. Hopefully not, but that's what I have done many times. If you are worried about what other people will think of you for not drinking, I don't think it will matter. Even when they notice, that is only a fraction of who you are. And, in truth, other people don't think about us as much as we think they do.

In a former job, after I had been sober for over a year, I went to bars with co-workers. My boss would act a fool after a couple of martinis. I was literally scared to know I was working for her. And I was so glad I could leave early, drive home safely and do some things I like to do. And no hangover or compulsive drive for more.

We can certainly talk ourselves into having a drink. Some people refer to that crave as a gremlin or some such. To me it is just one voice in my head. I do way better when I don't entertain drinking ideas. I can't. I have to turn my mind to something else.

I think you'll be fine. You are very resourceful and the resources are there for you.

[wildeyed]

11. Every recovering person has that first moment when they decide for real

that they want to stay sober more than drink. The pink cloud has passed, that last really bad hangover is a memory and the drink is calling.

For me it came when I was probably not sober for much longer than you. I went to my grandparent's beach house for a few days. I had researched the meetings, I knew where they were. So far so good. But I had to clean out my Grandfather's alcohol before I settled in and put it away where I wouldn't think about it. So I had the bottle in my hand and of course that brought on a full body compulsion to drink. And I asked for God's help, the compulsion passed and I went to a meeting. But that was the first time that I knew that the program *really* worked, no ifs ands or buts and all I had to do was surrender.

Good luck. Use the tools that the program gives you and use the phone. You know where the meetings are, right? :hug:

[MediumBrownDog]

14. I am leaving now.

The dinner is at 8 and I have, on purpose, given myself ZERO time to be there and sit at the bar to await the crowd. I'd rather be late and sober. I have a 90 minute drive and the traffic has cleared. I'm a little nervous about shaving it so close, but I know myself, and if I am at that restaurant early, I will drink.

Thanks to all of you for the phone numbers, good wishes, and support. I may or may not have to call. The important thing is knowing I can if I need to.

Most of all, thank you for understanding and not rolling your eyes. You guys don't know me from Adam, but you spend an amazing amount of time checking up on me and caring about me. I want to cry, but I have on "grown up" make-up. No can do.

So. Here I go. My first Sober business dinner. It is all going to be fine.

Much love. MBD.

[Why Syzygy]

15. Enjoy it!

And remember it! Check back in when you can.