I'm giving a lead tomorrow at my homegroup on Trust

[RetroLounge]

Which is hilarious since I seem to have very little of it...

My trust was busted completely when someone from my home group did something and it led directly (i felt) to my divorce.
Then gossip, inuendo, and having to see this person or friends of this person made my meetings feel like an unsafe place.
I reverted to my drinking-day views of not trusting women or letting anyone get close to me anymore.
I Isolated, walked away from friends and meetings and fellowship.
But I hung around just enough to still feel AA was where I wanted to be.
So I found different meetings, made new AA friends, and began climbing back into the program slowly.

And here's what I'm thinking:

When I walked into AA 17.5 yrs ago, I trusted it would help me stay alive.
When I went to a meeting, I trusted that it was a safe place to hear the message.
When I got a sponsor, I trusted he could steer me through the steps.
When I worked the steps, I did so because I trusted it would help keep me sober.
When I read the big book, I trusted the answers I needed would be found within.
When I helped a new-comer, I trusted in my own experience, strength and hope.

and when I prayed to a god I didn't believe in, I trusted that something out there greater than myself would hear me.

So even though I feel I've lost my faith these past couple of years, I trust, which I believe is the seed of having faith.

and i trust you might have some thoughts on this topic...

RL

[SPKrazy]

1. not so good on trust

but i trust my hp

i trust the program

i have been burned not by my sponsor, but by my wife's sponsor years ago in alanon, she breached her confidence and it caused me harm i felt.

i have a very cautious way about approaching 12 step life these days in terms of really personal issues.

I do feel that I've come to trust a few people at all times in my recovery and that has been the most important thing

trusting my sponsor

trusting the process

good luck retro!

:hi:

[RetroLounge]

7. trusting the process

yes, that's what I do...

Individuals will let you down, the program doesn't.

RL

[NMDemDist2]

2. AA has a lot of sick fuckers that go there

I conduct my self accordingly and am slow to divulge personal information that could lead to my harm.

Trust must be earned IMO and I set out little bits and see the results before I'll set out a bit more.

I have very very few people in my 'inner circle'

I can name 2

and I feel blessed I have that many. Which may make me sound like a tight person, but I'm not. I have the reputation in my little town of being the first person to put my hand out, the gal with the smile on her face all the time, and I am and I do.

I just work on my really deep stuff with a very few people and only after I've vetted them carefully.

Sorry you had to go through this RL, but let me give you something to think about..... that kind of shit happens everywhere people gather in groups, AA is not immune to being human.

:hug:


and one more for good measure :hug: :pals:

[RetroLounge]

8. "AA is not immune to being human"

Yeah, I touched on that in my lead...

:hug:

RL

[Kajsa]

3. I'm so sorry you went through that crap, Retro.

My ex-husband's sponsor and friends knew he was bailing on
our marriage long before I did.

Oh yeah, my ex bailed on the program also.
I don't think he's one of us.

I am careful when I share now.

Trust is easily broken and it's damn near impossible to
get back once someone betrays you.

Hang in there.

You took all the right actions
and worked towards a solution.
You are doing good.

:hug:

[KitchenWitch]

4. Trust...

Nice easy topic... (do I need to use the sarcasm smiley?)

I flip flop on trust a lot. Sometimes I am way too easy with my trust, then I get clobbered and then I refuse to trust anyone for awhile.

My capacity for trust and remaining safe has gotten a real workout in the past couple of years. Since I am still so new to my new place of residence, I have been reticent to trust people here. I have the people I am still in touch with back home, but I am reluctant to let anyone here too close to me. I know that my lack of trust is blocking me from making close friends, but, damn, I hate getting hurt.

I still have not found the happy medium.

[Justpat]

5. This is actually a good topic.

I think the more sober you get the more you are able to balance trust and wisdom - knowing when
to speak from the heart and when to hold things close to your vest.

After many years of sobriety, I trust that no matter what betrayal, loss of upset that comes
my way, I'll be OK.

I won't necessarily be radiant with joy, but I'm getting to a place where I know that everything
is going to work out for the best and that I'm where I should be.

On a thread about a year ago, I mentioned a time early in my sobriety when a woman in my
home group reported me to the department of child services in my area and tried to have
my daughter taken away from me based on some things I said at meetings. We were abjectly
poor at that time and living in a car. That situation changed when I got sober, but this
experience was a horror for me. I had a great sponsor who helped me see that some people
come to meetings for years, sometimes decades, and never get healthy. It is just a
port in a storm for them where they get attention and bad coffee and donuts. She helped
me realize that I could grow beyond that experience and stay sober. And I did.

After many years of working the program I learned to trust myself and the old HP. Then
other people's stuff stopped bothering me so much.

much love, OB

[RetroLounge]

6. Thanks for sharing your experience, strength and hope...

:hug:

RL

[Justpat]

9. Back at you...

:hug:

You're the best. OB