Well, here I am/we are.

[lildreamer316]

My husband is an alcoholic.

After a Thurs. where he went out and got drunk, drove home so in our brand new car (he has two DUIs) and became so verbally abusive that I had to leave (for the thousandth time); and spent so much money out of our bank account that I had to scramble to make sure our FIRST car payment would not bounce (and now, today, my water is in danger of being shut off because we don't have enough in the bank to pay for it); he has FINALLY admitted he is an alcoholic.

Yes, I am going to try to find an Al-anon around here somewhere that I can get to,but I have absolutely NO one to watch my four year old, so wish me luck. I may have to whine and bitch to you all here a bit, until I can get some kind of schedule worked out. I'm sorry.

I love him so much.

I went over the co-dependent thing somebody posted below. I do pretty well with it,but of course a couple things rang true.

We have a very strong love for each other. I do believe we can make it through this - he is otherwise a wonderful and loving husband and father. But of course I do also face the reality that it could not work out. If it does not, it will be for this reason only....we are very happy, otherwise. The demons he is fighting come from his childhood - we have talked about this a lot.

This will be difficult for him because he is a dj in a nightclub. I do know others in the biz who do not drink, but it is still quite a challenge.

I am proud of him,however, for quitting a narcotic he was using when we met. He has been clean off of it for four years now, and I can find absolutely no signs of relapse for him on that. Believe me, I watch for it. He's doing very well on that front.

I am personally upset because we had such a good relationship, and part of it has been damaged by the verbal abuse. I have forgiven him, but have not forgotten. I hope Al-Anon is able to help me with some of my resentment issues I think I still have. Somedays, I guess I have NOT forgiven him, because I am still angry.

I hope you all do not mind me pouring out (no pun intended) a bit to you here. ATM I don't have anyone else to talk to until I can arrange some babysitting. I'll try not to overdo it/ask for advice you are not qualified to give/whathaveyou.

Thanks for listening.

[NMDemDist2]

1. .......

:hug:

sounds like you're on the right track, hope he gets on it too

:hug:

[lildreamer316]

2. Thank you..

We are already exploring some things on our own, like identifying triggers, etc. I'm having a good friend who has been battling this for years over on Wed. to talk with us...maybe sponsor.
Thanks again.:hug:

[Justpat]

3. My daughter was four when I got sober.

I was too poor to afford a babysitter so I took her to meetings for a long time
until I found someone to watch her.

Actually, she went to meeting for years. She loved it.

I think someone at the Al-Anon meetings might have some ideas about
how to work out the baby sitter angle.

It sounds like you are on the right track. Your well being and that of your
child has to come first. If he gets sober and sticks with it - great.

We are all here to lean on one another and listen.
We get the help we need by doing just what you are doing, opening up and
asking for it.

all the best... OB

[FloridaJudy]

4. Take your daughter with you to the meeting

Believe me, almost everyone there will understand. I've even been in AA meetings where a woman brought her autistic child, and this wasn't the "quiet" autistic type - this was a kid that (literally) bounced off the walls making loud noises. But everyone there understood how badly she needed that meeting, so no one objected. Small children wandering through meetings are more common than you would guess.

Most AA intergroups have a hot-line number. If you need someone to talk to, call them. They'll probably listen themselves, but if they don't feel qualified to help, they'll certainly point you to someone who can.

And keep posting here. I don't mind a bit reading what you have to say, and I expect most of us feel the same.

And here's a hug.

:hug:

[NMDemDist2]

5. exactly, we have coloring books and crayons and dominoes and checkers

for the kids.

if it's an infant and starts crying, often one of the old timer women will take the baby into another room

[KitchenWitch]

6. Hi lildreamer. I echo what everyone else has said about bringing your child to the meeting.

There are even some AA meetings (and possibly some Alanon meetings as well) that have childcare available. The point is you need to get the support for yourself.

:hug:

I am glad you found us here.

:hi:

[Kajsa]

7. Ditto on what everyone has said, here.

I had to take my son to meetings many times when
my ex and I separated.

Check your local Al-Anon directory of meetings to see
which ones offer childcare, too.

I'm glad to see you are on the right track, lildreamer.
Like AZDem said, I hope your husband gets on it, too.

Please keep us posted.

:hug:

[qwertyMike]

8. Real practicing alcoholics

are incapable of Love as we know it

[elleng]

9. lil, sorry this is so late.

Do want to mentiuon couple things i've said elsewhere.'

Alcoholism is a DISEASE; 'demons' are physiological. You and he should look into this:

http://www.lakesidemilam.com/DiseaseOfAddictionSynopsis.htm

http://www.lakesidemilam.com/index.htm

Alanon may or may not be able to help with 'resentment' issues; maybe Milam literature will. My husband hurt me badly a year ago, and I'm not going back, and that's my life decision.

Come back anytime.

Peace.