Need some good vibes

[varkam]

I'm varkam, and I am a sex addict.

I hate admitting that I am addicted to pornography, among other things, but especially pornography. I hate it because it feels childish. It's something that so many other people seem to be able to manage and enjoy just fine. But not me. I never knew how, when, or why to stop. It's something that has harmed myself significantly, and others to an extent as well.

Tonight I find myself in a dangerous situation. I'm here, at work, alone, with completely open access to computers. I don't know whether or not that they monitor the network - but even if they did the thought of losing my job wouldn't be enough to stop me if the insanity took hold of me.

So I'm here, all night, by myself. I actually didn't get to do my daily spiritual ritual when I woke up because I woke up late, and I didn't bring any recovery material with me like I had planned.

So, in leiu of that, I wanted to write here. I wanted to reach out because I know that I'm in a dangerous situation even dispite having some serenity I know that a slip might not be far away. I guess above all it is a recognition that I am an addict and that I am powerless over my compulsive sexual behavior.

I know that I can't stop forever - but I can stop today.

So if you can, send me some good vibes tonight. I'll take all the help that I can get.

:hi:

[Kajsa]

1. Good vibes coming your way, Varkam.

It's a slippery place, alright.

Chances are good that your workplace does monitor
computer activity, most places( especially larger companies) do now.

One Day or in your case, One Night at a Time.
You can get through this without falling back on
old destructive behavior patterns.

I know it's morning now, but I hope you made it through
your work shift OK.


:pals:

[KitchenWitch]

2. I am late to the vibes party

I know you will do the right thing.

:hug:

[Critters2]

3. Retroactive vibes...

Hope you maintained serenity, and sobriety. Thanks for writing. It was the wise thing to do! :hug:

[SPKrazy]

4. hope you made it

find an online meeting maybe?

call someone?

work on your outer circle and focus there

:hug:

[Justpat]

5. I just noticed this

so I'm sending good vibes to you even though it is way late.

Crossing time and space with love and support for you.


:hug:

[FloridaJudy]

6. *Really* late to the party

But if it happens again, try to find an online meeting. This one's for us drunks http://www.eaachat.org/cgi-bin/chat/chatroom.pl, but I'm sure there's more for other addictions.

[varkam]

7. Hey - thanks everyone!

I just wanted to say thank you for the support and the love. It means a lot :pals:

[Justpat]

8. Back at you..

:pals:

How's it going?

[varkam]

9. It's going alright. I've recently had to make some hard decisions...

but I think that I did the right thing. :pals:

[Joe Chi Minh]

10. You have any amount of sympathy from me, Varkam, because young men's

libido, imo, makes them particularly susceptible to what, imo, must be the seductive addiction imaginable. I mean the thing about a photograph of a very beautiful young woman in a suggestive pose is that it seems to blare out to you at a billion decibels that just looking at her is conferring on her an unbelievably kind, noble, decent, loving, adoring gift. But it ain't so.

With alcohol and drugs, the chemical thing subsides, though someone said in one post, after 6 years it can temporarily recrudesce, but with your libido, it'll be pretty much a constant for the rest of your born days, even if you become impotent, temporarily or permanently. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for young lads today, with this ubiquitous pornography, always within easy reach! Promiscuous womanising isn't an option for many men with genuine feelings for women. Though I've known some good guys, I think, who seemed manic womanisers. But maybe it was just a stage in their lives. It's not a good path, for sure.

It may help to reflect that those young women are treated like absolute sh*t by some very, very vile people. But in any case, just say to yourself, it's a no-no at your workplace. Period. It's a good idea to fill your mind with other stuff.