Greetings

[varkam]

I hope everyone here is doing well. I'm hanging in there -- still working the program and trying to take things a day at a time. I still struggle with my higher power and with surrender, but things are getting better little by little. I'm trying to get in a good place spiritually -- it's likely going to be a very trying few months and I know it's not something I can do on my own. I'm working on my application to sit for the bar exam. I'm trying to be very principled in how I'm going about this -- open and honest. That certainly may not be how I've lived most of my life, but it's the only way I'll ever be happy. They could very well tell me I'm not going to get to take the exam, and then I'd have a law degree come may but no ability to use it (though I doubt I would get much sympathy from the student loan folks).

I pray and I ask just for the serenity to accept whatever the outcome. I figure it's foolish to ask for things to go one way or the other, because I have found that even if I know what I want I may not know what I need. It's hard, though...and I know that if they tell me no I'm going to want to rage and break things and lose myself in drink and porn and sex...and I know I can't do any of that, I can't run away.

I'm not going to be able to get to meetings as often as I want because of my schedule, so I'll probably be around here more often. It's nice that there are still so many folks here that I remember :) I hope you all had happy and sober holidays.

[progree]

1. Please don't tell all to authority figures

Please, don't put on your bar exam application the stuff about whatever it is you are recovering from, unless they might know about it or be able to find out easily. Being open and honest with your group and sponsors is great, but not with authority figures that will control your life. I've heard WAYYYY too many stories in A.A. meetings and recovery message boards of people telling, for example, their doctor about something as innocent-sounding as attending A.A. meetings, and then they can't get health insurance in the individual market! So no way can one be self-employed or otherwise get insurance by buying it. Maybe health reform will change that, but don't count on it surviving in its present form.

Good luck on your recovery and legal career.

[varkam]

2. I appreciate that...

but it's something that I've pretty much been open about since applying to law school. Believe me, I'm very much aware of the possible consequence of honesty, but I feel like it's something that's necessary in my situation. Nevertheless I appreciate your well wishes :pals:

[demosincebirth]

3. Very good point.

[ismnotwasm]

4. When I was in nursing school

They told me that lying about alcohol or drug history and getting caught later could lose you your license. After I graduated, when applying for my license they asked about drug and alcohol 'history'. (I heard they don't do this the same way anymore) Well I was in what I call my 'honesty' phase of sobriety, I searched my brain for every drug I ever did, which is just about all of them and let them know about it. In retrospect, I'd probably use less detail and broader language.

So here I am, basically off the street, kind of a hard case (but not nearly as much as I though I was) and they made me go to a monitoring program for health care professionals before I ever even had a job. This included random UA's, 'signed' AA slips (I was going plenty on my own) and a requirement to attend a recovery meeting once a month for health care professionals. Was. I. Pissed. I only had to do 2 years of this instead of three. For good behavior I suppose.

So I grudgingly attended these nurses meetings, and got the surprise of my life. Stories of taking drugs away from patients, letting them suffer while the thief went and used, people losing their li science and very good paying jobs because of Repeated offenses, nursing talking about walking down they how and injecting Demoral in their thigh muscle and not losing their stride. I found myself quite shocked that 'middle class' folk who used(the 'middleclass' I always had considered the 'enemy' but I was a dumbass back then)weren't any better the street junkies I knew. They just looked prettier.

Anyway, I thought I'd share that. I wish you well, I know plenty of sober lawyers, and I bet you do (or did) great on your boards.

[varkam]

6. Thank you for sharing.

If they end up admitting me, I'm assuming that some sort of monitoring program will be part of the deal, but honestly recovery is where I belong so it really wouldn't be an imposition to me.

Thanks for your kind words :pals:

[elleng]

5. Best of luck to you, Varkam. AND

you WILL be able to make use of your law degree, even if you aren't admitted to practice in any state, bet on it.

:hi:

[varkam]

7. I hope you're right.

What I want, though, is to practice law. I'm on the trial team at school, and it's hard to explain but it's just like I know that's what I want to do. Of course, what the last several years has taught me is that, in the end, I don't know what I need. I know what I want, sure...for instance, what I wanted when I hit bottom was not to have any consequences, but I needed them.

So maybe I want to practice, but maybe I need something different...I don't know.

In any event, thanks for your encouragement. I just hope that, whatever I end up doing, it's doing something good for other people and living a life in line with my recovery.

[elleng]

8. It WILL be good for others, Varkam! Know howvaluable your experience is already!

And if you LOVE trial work, and know it, thats great, too! You know, we 'practice' law!!! and it is very engaging.
My point was that, even w/o 'admission,' there are MANY opportunities to do what you want to do, working w/in firms/orgs, for example, 'interning,' etc.
:thumbsup:

[Tripod]

9. Thank you for your post Varcam.

I need a lot of help in my recovery. I haven't been able to satisfy all my needs in this program. I've been thinking about this forum on DU for a while now. I decided at least until Valentines day that I would post here every day. It will be early in the morning, or late at night, because I work nights now. But I need some help, and I hope that I can energize this forum, along with you and others.

[Kajsa]

10. Hi Varkam!

It's so good to see you here!

I haven't been here as much lately,
but I'm going to change that.

Good luck to you with your studies and the bar exam.
I hope you get to take it.

You are doing the right things- one step at a time.

:hug:

[Tripod]

11. Varkam, you will pass!

I have a feeling, that as long a you are being honest,,, you will succeed. ;)

[demosincebirth]

12. Just let it happen and keep doing what you're doing, This helped

me a lot: If you're praying for potato's, grab a hoe.

[emilyg]

13. Love that.