How would you react if a "Friend" said this to you?

[AlCzervik]

"I liked you better when you were fat, I felt better about myself and now i don't want to even stand next to you, sometimes i hope you regain that weight"

this was said to me by said friend and it really hurt. I am not thin and i'm not heavy, i've finally gotten down to within 10 lbs of my goal weight and i've worked damn hard to get here. I wear a size 10 but most of the time i have on clothes that are at least 1 to 2 sizes too big for me so it's not like i'm a fashion plate. I lost this weight because my blood pressure was high and i was closing in on diabetes. I don't talk about weight loss or what i eat unless someone specifically asks me what i do and thats the only time. I'm sure this is about her but still WTF is with that? Her brother lost a bunch of weight last year and i was glad for him, he looked a looks a lot healthier and now he's gotta a better chance of being around for his daughter.

Has this happened to any of you, something like this?

[qanda]

1. That "friend" sounds like more weight that you need to lose

Anybody who would wish more weight on you is NO friend at all.

[loudestchick]

2. I'm so sorry. This hasn't happened to me, but you shouldn't let it go.

You need to be clear with her that you didn't lose weight to compete with her, that you did it for your health. Ask her if she'd wish diabetes on you to satisfy her own vanity. Then wait to see what she says. Chances are, she liked being the "thin" friend, but hasn't really thought about how selfish her point of view sounds.

Good luck!

[AlCzervik]

3. you know i actually said to her---

"So you'd prefer me with high blood pressure and unhealthy?" so she says that no of course not, she didn't mean it that way so i told her then maybe she shouldn't say things like that to me or anyone else for that matter. I also asked her why anything i do has anything to do with her self esteem and for that she had no answer.

thanks for listening all and i won't let it go, i may forgive but i will keep a copy on file. I almost feel as though i've lost some trust in her.

[calico1]

4. Sounds like she feels threatened by you.

A good friend would be happy for you. She sounds jealous.

[Starlight]

7. "A good friend would be happy for you. She sounds jealous."

Unfortunately I've encountered a lot of women like your friend. They're not happy for others' successes and instead feel angry & threatened. I wouldn't be surprised if she tried to sabotage your efforts rather than offering support.

[Longhorn]

5. It sounds to me like she's being honest.

What she expressed is a common reaction by the friends and loved ones of those who have lost weight. At least she brought it out into the open where you can deal with it. Your response was fantastic! There is way too much focus on appearance and not nearly enough on the health risks when folks consider obesity.

I certainly don't approve of what she said but feelings are neither right or wrong. What she said is a reflection on herself, not you. Now that you know how she feels, you can decide whether you want to remain friends. If you do remain friends, you'll be more aware of any attempts to sabotage you, whether intentional or otherwise.

Congratulations on your accomplishment! :)

[bertha katzenengel]

6. I think I would say two things: "You have no idea how much that hurts me"

and "How you feel about yourself is YOUR problem. NOT MINE!"

:thumbsdown:

[auntAgonist]

8. I kept reading this thread

and I honestly had no idea what i'd say. You said it well. "you have NO idea how much that hurts me"


let them ruminate on that one!

:hug:

[MissMillie]

9. My knee-jerk reaction would be to tell her that you'd be just as happy to

be rid of her.

The fact is, she feels terrible about herself, and she can't stand that you're feeling good. And her feeling terrible about herself is SOOOO bad, that she can't see that she's supposed to be happy about you feeling good.

So my reasoned response would be, "I'm sorry that you feel that badly about yourself that you can't feel happy for me. I hope that you find something to motivate you to make the changes that you need to make, so then maybe you can be happy for me, and happy for yourself too."