Teen Girls Report Abusive Boyfriends Try To Get Them Pregnant

[ThomCat]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=1893046&mesg_id=1893046">I posted this in GD, but I know it'll probably get more (or more intelligent) attention here.

Teen girls are reporting that abusive boyfriends are deliberately trying to get them pregnant.

There are so many issues with this. There is the whole issue of the boys taking control and ownership of the girl's body.
There is the anti-choice issue which means that she could have lifetime repercussions from his abuse.
There is the whole issue sex/pregnancy being part of a strategy of abuse.

:wtf:

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/09/070920173421.htm">Link to the original article

[bliss_eternal]

1. I shouldn't be...

...but I'm surprised by some of the responses to your thread. Why do so many blame the victim. As if someone that is in the confines of an abusive relationship would have enough self-esteem to realize they are being abused and to disengage from the relationship. :crazy:

Are people this unaware of the dynamics of abuse and dysfunction?

[ThomCat]

2. I'm convinced that people think they are omnicient.

"I haven't seen it, and I see everything. So if I haven't seen it then it doesn't really happen."

That attitude only makes sense if they really, truly think they know everything.

[ismnotwasm]

4. And then there is the creep factor

As much as I want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, some of those replies to this and other topics by posters when seem otherwise intelligent--creepy. I'm a working class person. I know the ins and outs of people who are kind of dumb to smart, Poor to fairly well off, no education to a decent one, and, well, creep to non creep (sounds silly I know) some of what I find on the posted on the internet as opinion is very disturbing. And has become more so the more I see.

As for the pregnancy thing, I've seen it. It's scary. All anyone had to do to stop being a doubter is volunteer at your local planned parenthood. That's one of the places were these girls go.

[bliss_eternal]

7. Doesn't sound silly at all.

The anonymity of the internet seems to give people a sense of safety to really let their "freak" flags fly high. They know there's some things they could never say socially, without being labeled as ignorant, sexist, bigoted or socially inept (ie. creeps).

Or perhaps people in the real world have already seen that side and now avoid them. So they go on-line for the social interaction they're sorely lacking in reality.

[smokey nj]

9. Some people think that men do no wrong and are usually the hapless

victims of evil female mojo.

[bliss_eternal]

10. lol. I know.

I've seen (and heard)that sort of thinking, too. It's really very sad. I knew a woman that taught her son that crap. That every woman was "out to trap him." ...as if he was such a prize. :eyes: Take my word for it, he wasn't.

[BlueIris]

3. I've seen that happen. Very disturbing.

Thanks for trying to bring it to the attention of (the thinking) people here.

[mrreowwr_kittty]

5. I think this happens as, or more often than the "girl trapping the guy" scenario

Particularly when the male is considerably older. They either do it to try and force her stay with them or so they can prove their prowess by fathering numerous children with numerous women. It's very hard to collect child support from those serial sperm droppers too. My friend the attorney tells me how they sit in the courtroom gloating about how they have 10 kids but no job.

[bliss_eternal]

6. I bet you're right.

Yet, I wonder if anyone would ever feel compelled to explore this and determine stats for frequency rates. It seems so many take it for granted that the "girl trapping guy" scenario is the norm in all situations.

[bliss_eternal]

8. my editing period expired...

...while I was away from computer. :(

just wanted to add, my reasoning--it would be great to have statistical data to show people how erroneous the assumption of girl trapping guy with a pregnancy is.

[defendandprotect]

15. Excellent point; many teenage pregnacies have a much older male involved ---

[lizerdbits]

11. I think depression is another reason for staying

At least in my personal experience. I'll try to make this short as I pick up some wireless internet where I find it while on vacation. I was in an abusive relationship when I was about 15-16, guy was 18. My parents were not aware what was going on- he wasn't that stupid- I didn't have big bruises that were easily visible. I had been in counseling since I was 12 with no help and once I was placed on antidepressants I got rid of him (this is where my parents were aware of what was going on). That was almost as bad as the relationship with the death threats, stalking, etc. Strangely I feel fortunate that it occurred at that age. Had I been in a situation with children and no means of financial independence I may have been stuck. I also went hundreds of miles away to college a few years later and he didn't have the means to follow me, though I still was nervous when I came home for breaks- will he follow through and kill me this time?

I don't think all women in abusive relationships should be given medications but in situations like mine- an otherwise good family life with no history of any abuse- it's a likely factor. Plain old therapy might help. I don't really know how to explain the mindset that causes a person to stay in an abusive relationship. There's some hope, that in hindsight is just ridiculous, that the abuser will just stop and become a nice person.

I kind of rambled off a little but If I had become pregnant he probably would have been thrilled at another 18 years of likely forced contact, as he thoroughly enjoyed tears and unhappiness. Luckily my mother wasn't stupid so I was on BCPs since she suspected I was sexually active and just made me an appointment before I ever said anything. Thank universe my parents didn't stay in the church or I would have received the abstinence lecture and probably been pregnant by this guy.

[bliss_eternal]

12. just wanted to offer this...

:hug:
...so sorry you went through this.

[ThomCat]

13. I'm very glad you were able to get

help with the depression, and then escape that guy.

I can't imagine the impact that must have on your life since then. I hope you're in a much better, healthier space.

[lizerdbits]

14. Thanks to both of you

The plus side is my control freak-dar is pretty good. Abusers are control freaks with regards to who you're with, where you are at all times, etc. I can pick up on little things early on and distance myself before I get to know someone that well, though I haven't had much of a problem running into that type since. The negative side is extreme trust issues and death threats never leave your mind when you're taking your garbage out or something in the dark. I have had a few healthy long term relationships in the 17 years since so I'm definitely in a healthier space now. :)

[defendandprotect]

16. My children are grown now so I have no direct contact . . ..

but, YES . . . . males are being encouraged, IMO, to be very aggressive with females --
presumably trying to shut them up, shut them down, and put them back in the box in other words.

And, YES . . . I do think that there is within some circles of males challenges to be very aggressive sexually with females -- even to the point of intimidation to have sex.

Rape, of course, is a long time tool of war.

And, I think the question of "abuse," itself, in some of these young relationships is a great concern. I did happen to witness that when my daughter was in highschool -- an incident outside the school where a male was threatening his girlfriend -- knocking books out of her arm -- and trying to force her to get into his car. I shouted across the street that I was calling the police -- and he eventually left. I spoke with the girl briefly and tried to tell her to tell her parents and school.
And clearly told her that this would happen again if she continued to see him.

I also went into the school, hoping to identify the male --
I spoke with a Vice Principal who told me that I had to think that maybe "this was his girlfriend."
It was way late for that kind of medieval thinking but it was still around!!!

I did write to the Principal --