Question about going gray.

[ThomCat]

I was going to post this in the thread about coloring your hair, but then thought it might be a discussion by itself.

I am half gray. I have equally salt and pepper hair at this point. People tell me I look "distinguished." I often hear that men look good when they go gray, but woman supposedly don't.

Why not?

Gray hair is supposedly a sign of maturity and wisdom. Aren't women allowed to look mature and wise? Is this just another example of sexist assumptions, or is there really something aesthetic involved?

I looked around at work today, and there are five of us with Gray hair, all men. Not one woman here has gray hair.

I have posted a comment from my aunt already, saying that that women in corporate jobs are not allowed to have gray hair. It's considered unprofessional. Yet it's not an issue with men.

I'm probably obscessing over something small here, but maybe not. It's just bothering me that I don't see women with gray hair, and apparently I'm not supposed to.

[lizerdbits]

1. Apparently we're supposed to look as young as possible

Based on pop up ads and the little TV advertising I see for "wrinkle defying" stuff. It's the whole 'a woman's worth is in her appearance/size' thing.

Why would I want to look a lot younger? So people think I'm mentally/emotionally the same as when I was 10 years ago? I don't see that as a good thing. I'm not graying so I'm not at the point where I'd be likely to be discussing it with other women at work. But now I'm curious about opinions. My previous job had several graying women and my current has a few. I've never heard that it's not considered professional but that may be due to not discussing it. I also don't have what I would consider to be a "corporate" job, but those higher up than myself might feel pressure to cover gray if they are dealing with clients.

Interesting topic!

[foxeyes2]

2. Going Gray/Grey

I think some women look great with grey hair. I have a friend whose hair is grey-silver and it is gorgeous.

Now part of the reason there are more men with gray is because it is a little more acceptable for women to color their hair then men. Now I don't think that is the only reason but is part of it I am sure.

[Samurai_Writer]

3. This has been going on a long time

I started turning grey when I was 25. When I was 40, I finally broke down and colored my hair for the first time. It made a tremendous difference in how people interacted with me at work, and in how men interacted with me socially.

I have always had a 'baby face', looking many years younger than I am. The grey hair was the only thing that hinted at my true age. The thing is, once you color your hair, you can't really stop. It takes years to grow out hair that's been colored. Kinda sucks, because I really am curious to see how much greyer I have gotten in the last 7 years.

[ismnotwasm]

4. Depends on your field, I'm sure

Nursing, which remains predominantly women, and one of the few powerful professions that is, has an interesting mix of gray and not gray. At least where I live. I've attended enough conferences to take a good look. I think women may feel more free to be comfortable, or to be "themselves". Statistically, nurses are older as well. The women who work around nurses, speech therapists, doctors, nutritionists, also tend to have that mix, which seems to be a personal choice, rather than a sexist grooming requirement, spoken or unspoken.

Personally my hair has been every color possible, and until the last couple of years. I've never thought of coloring my hair as covering gray, but that is just what I'm doing. I don't feel compelled to "go grey" but I have a great plan to start coloring it a silverish grey when I'm 50. I like that color, I always have.

The art of self decoration, whether it's tattoo's or make up or clothes or jewelry, or hair color, is a wonderful part of expression that has been subverted by the dominant culture like everything else.

Another thing I've always liked (maybe because I was one, and at heart, still am) are the wild ones, the ones in different different colors, the kids who make up their own fashion statements. What's sad, is for many of these kids being "different" is accompanied by self destructive behavior. Or torment at the hands of those who just follow the status quo.

[ThomCat]

5. I'm sure you're right. I'm in a very corporate

environment, large international corporation, located in Manhattan. My aunt, who I have discussed this with, was an executive secretary in Banking.

It might be that I'm only seeing the extreme end of this.

[ismnotwasm]

6. I talked about it with a friend one time

Not so much about grey hair specifically, but social status, and what it takes besides hard work and talent to get on top of your game in the corporate world. She is very familiar with it, and told me that "appearance" used almost like a verb, is very important. So grey in women, in our society, devalues women not only because of an implied weakness--age, with the accompanying ageism, but to my feminist mind the loss of the fuckable factor as women remain the sex class, no matter how powerful they are.

We see it in politics. Senators Clinton and Speaker Pelosi, Condozeella Rice--all women who are of an age to "go grey" are not. All have a fashion style that takes a bow to patriarchy.
In my personal opinion, to be a woman who has to work as hard as a politician does, and wear some of the very uncomfortable looking shoes I've seen on them for hours at a time, speaks for itself.

[ThomCat]

7. I don't know about that.

I know that women in many (if not most) situations are essecially a "sex class." But...

I think that many of the women in corporate america are treated as if they are surrogate mothers. I'm wondering if the gray hair would bump them to surrogate grandmothers, which are seen as less active or less capable.

[ismnotwasm]

9. You would know better than I

Since I know next to nothing about the cooperate world. I'm not sure surrogate mother is all that great either, unless a woman embraces the role. Too bad we don't honor our grandmothers or our older folks in general, more.

[Gormy Cuss]

10. As a woman who worked in corporate America, I'd say that we're not surrogate mothers as much

as surrogate big sisters. We aren't accorded the respect of a parent but we may be recognized as the one with more experience, or common sense, etc. Graying hair is far more acceptable than gray hair unless the gray hair is utterly fabulous, because the latter involves a lot of money at the salon without dyeing and that suggests confidence.

What's interesting to me is that in social service and academic environments gray hair on women doesn't seem to have the same connotations.

[bliss_eternal]

8. When a friend's hair went "salt and pepper"

I thought she looked fantastic! She'd just got through her second bout with cancer. When her hair grew in, it was a cap of big curls and salt and pepper grey--really gorgeous in my opinion.

But I tend to not agree with what the masses label as attractive or beautiful. :shrug:

[Ellen Forradalom]

11. I plan to go grey

but then I work in technology where we all look like dorks.

[DawgHouse]

12. Interesting comment from a male coworker the other day.

Grey haired male coworker(out of the blue): Do you dye your hair?
Me: Uhhhh, sure. (I'm not particularly embarrassed about it or anything)
He: That's one thing about men. We aren't vain.
Me: Ahhhh yes. Male privilege strikes again.

[ThomCat]

13. Wow. He really thinks women color their hair

solely because of vanity?

How does anyone in this day and age still have no clue that vanity is forced upon people when their appearance is considered their primary/only asset?

[Bjornsdotter]

14. I would love to go grey

....my grandmother had the most beautiful salt & pepper grey hair, unfortunately I did not inherit that.

I'm naturally blonde, but I do dye my hair. If I let it go it is white, as white as when I was a kid, in the front and a darker blonde in the back. I've tried to let it go, but in looks goofy. As soon as it evens out....I'm going natural. I can't wait...as it is I only dye my hair maybe every 3 months.

Cheers