Best. Thread Locking Post. EVER.

[VelmaD]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=3553353&mesg_id=3553605

brainshrub is one DU man who gets it. :)

[Heddi]

1. OMG. I just posted about this

Check out the thread I just made. Super responses by you, btw. By the time I went to respond, it was locked

[VelmaD]

2. Thank you for the kind words...

I have experience dealing with at least one of the people I was having words with in that thread. He has some unresolved issues from a nasty divorce...but while that explains his behavior sometimes it doesn't make it ok. One day I'll find the right way to talk to him but I haven't hit on it yet.

[Heddi]

3. It seems there are alot of guys

who have huge issues due to being 'screwed over' in relationships.

Funny, I've been cheated on, lied to, stolen from, etc etc from past men I've dated...but I don't harbour any long-standing grudges against men because of it.

I think that alot of people have problems distinguishing the forrest for the trees, if you know what I mean. So I was cheated on...does that mean all men are cheater? I've even been cheated on more than once, by more than one person...yet I've never labled men as inherent cheaters.

But it seems quite common for men to hold grudges against ALL women because they were wronged in some way.

There are alot of bitter divorced men out there who just can't get it through their skulls that women are NOT their enemies, and not all women are their ex-wives.

Equally, there are alot of women with 'man' issues and can't get through their skulls that all men aren't their ex-husbands. However, I find that men (at least the ones I've known vs. the women I've known) seem to harbour their grudges for far longer and in a much more nasty way than women do.

eh.

[lukasahero]

7. Re: bitterness and the grudges it fosters

I think you might find that those who hold grudges against their exes are more commonly the ones in the relationship who were left, not the ones who did the leaving. I'll have to dig up the source to this but I remember reading that women who left their husbands had a much higher probability of "success" (however that may be defined although I believe the context was financial) and felt better about themselves than the women who were left.

While I suspect that dynamic can be somewhat similar for men, the men who do the leaving are probably equally bitter if they are required to provide support. So men who are left AND men who do the leaving stand a pretty good chance of being pissed off at the woman they hold responsible for their situation.

[spooky3]

4. You're right about everything. Thanks for speaking up.

I think sometimes, though, trying to kindly and patiently education people who do NOT want to learn, takes a great toll on the person thrust into the role of teacher. I hope you don't feel others demand that you do this.

[VelmaD]

5. No...I demand it of myself

I can't let sexism go by unchallenged. If I don't do it I worry that they'll think it's ok (not that they don't seem to think that already). *sigh*

I want them to know every single time that when they make sexist comments...they're going to get called on it.

[knowbody0]

6. Velma, I wish i had your energy!

I've been reading for one hour, and I am really impressed.

[Warpy]

8. Blech. There's a reason I NEVER read Lounge posts

and I sincerely wish people who refer to them here would give me a warning as to their origin.

The Lounge appears to be the place where the kiddies gather, and we know that the kiddies, even the progressive kiddies, are operating with heads full of the images of women that MTV has given them and don't have adequate real life experience to realize all those images are horseshit.

Most of those kiddies will grow up enough to post in GD eventually. In the meantime, I'm content to let them ghettoize themselves in the Lounge as long as I don't have to go there.

So please give this old bat fair warning that a juvenile poster in a juvenile forum is being referred to. I'll leave trying to teach the kiddies some manners to those of you better equipped to do so.

[Eloriel]

9. Velma , I LOVED this reply of yours in that thread

And I don't think I'll ever understand a world-view that seems to think it's perfectly ok to continue to offend people after they've told you somethingis offensive.

So perfect. Well done.

[VelmaD]

10. I can't take all the credit for that one...

it's mostly a restatement of something my momma says..."if someone tells you something is offensive and you keep on doing it anyway...you're an asshole". I just cleaned it up a bit. :)