Mr. Meritocracy is at it again...

[bliss_eternal]

Gold Diggers Are Alive and Well in 2005

Marty Nemko

I so often see this syndrome in my female clients: She comes in ostensibly wanting a career but finds an objection to every option, except going back to school, which defers having to work. Or she's done as much school as she can possibly justify, agrees that a particular career goal is appropriate, but refuses to do the work necessary to land a job.

When I ask, “Do you really want to work?,” most say no. So often, they’ll admit that what they’d really love is a man to support them so they can stay home—even if no children are involved.

One of my clients, a 20-something project coordinator for Sun Microsystems said, “If I could, I’d stay home in a minute. And that’s true for all of my (female) friends.” I was amazed by one of my clients, a recent graduate of a prestigious college who fit that profile perfectly, saying she’d love to meet a husband who made enough money that she could be a full-time housewife. What amazed me was that she said her most deeply held value is that women are constantly oppressed.

--------------------------------snip----------------------------------------
taken from:
http://www.martynemko.com/pub/articles/golddiggers.shtm

I have no idea where he gets this shit... Yet he wonders why he lost his column job, and can't get his bigoted, sexist books and plays published. :eyes:

[Katherine Brengle]

1. Here's a thought--

Most people don't really WANT to work. For most of us, "work" means spending a minimum of 8 hours, 5-6 days a week, in a place we'd rather not be, getting paid less than we deserve, with bosses who makes our blood boil.

This is true for women AND MEN.

I also think that a lot of women would love the financial opportunity to be able to stay home for awhile with their children, especially when they are very young--so would a lot of men.

This guy is a blowhard.

[bliss_eternal]

3. I thought that very thing while reading

that most people would rather NOT work. He has a funny way of making women out to be wicked, gold digger types that are less qualified than the poor privileged white males they take jobs from. :eyes:

[Warpy]

19. BINGO.

Who would willingly CHOOSE to waste their waking hours in a cube doing meaningless bullshit for some asshole who is never satisfied? Who would willingly choose to waste a life folding shirts at Wally World for less than it takes to live on? Who the hell wants to be a video store clerk, or sell shoes, or even spend a life buying and selling stocks to increase the paper profits of the already rich?

Give us a meal ticket, we'd ALL stay home, discover what we wanted to do with our lives, then DO IT.

[spooky3]

20. I totally agree--and add to that, that women far more often than men

face the added stresses of discrimination and harassment at work, AND are rewarded less for their efforts, and who could be surprised that many of them would prefer not to be there if they could afford to do otherwise?

[Hello_Kitty]

2. He extrapolates from a few anecdotes

And acts like males never attempt to avoid gainful employment through various deferment strategies. The vast majority of 'professional students' I have encountered have been male.
And who among us doesn't know at least a few Kato Kaelins and cabana boy types?


Yes, women sometimes fantasize about the culturally-sanctioned option of being a pampered trophy wife. Of course it also necessitates the presence of a rich benefactor and those are few and far between. Newsflash to Marty: Most of us are aware of that. Hence, it's something we have fun thinking about but don't expect to materialize. So we snap out of it and head off to work.

[NMMNG]

4. What a misogynistic prat

He claims women are staying home in droves, despite the fact that their children would be better off in day-care centers and their husbands could use help bringing home the bacon. A year or so ago I read a book (darned if I can recall the name) that claimed too many women were working to bring in unnecessary second incomes to support upper class/upper middle-class lifestyles when their husband's incomes would be sufficient, to the detriment of their children, who were being shunted into daycare. :wtf:


So some women would prefer to get more education, or to not work at all? Well who the heck wouldn't? You're telling me that plenty of men out there wouldn't like to lead a life of leisure? Don't lie to me and tell me otherwise. :eyes: A few biased anecdotes do not a national trend make.

[Nikia]

8. I think that we are being given mixed messages

If you leave your kids at daycare and work full time, you are a bad mother if your spouse makes enough to support the family.
If you do stay home with your young children, you are being a bad wife because you aren't contributing monetarily to the household.
If you do go to work and are too tired to do the necessary housework and childcare after your work day, you are a bad mother, bad wife, and bad woman.

[NMMNG]

10. Classic "Damned if you do, Damned if you don't" syndrome

Women are supposed to do it all, yet not do it all, because it is detrimental to "the family" (no concern for her in this equation). Men, on the other hand, are able to go on with their lives as usual with no unusual expectations.

[bliss_eternal]

11. Exactly--

...and I say, piss on that!

[NMMNG]

12. Me too

(Yes the smiley is vulgar, but it fits)

[bliss_eternal]

13. Actually--

I really like the smiley. ;) :hi:

[MountainLaurel]

16. And don't forget

If you're a white, middle-class woman who works outside of the home, you're a bad mother. But if you're a minority woman receiving public assistance, you're a bad mother if you don't work outside the home.

[BlueIris]

5. Jesus. What an asshole.

It's called "fear of success." Extremely common in American women, espcially during their younger years. Sometimes it's mixed in with shredded self-esteem, and that meme so eternally popular with our media, especially since women became more active in the workforce: "Be a success in a career field, and you'll be a failure in your relationships."

Ahem. Sorry. I'm sure I don't have to tell anyone here that--but his ignorance here really struck a nerve. It's so sad that someone can get away with "publishing" something like that in the twenty-first century.

[lukasahero]

6. My ex-husband told my brother-in-law

that he couldn't wait until the day I made $x salary so he could quit his job and fish all day.

But yeah, only women are gold diggers.

:eyes:

[MountainLaurel]

15. Yeah, I hear you

My father, who will retire in May, is trying to convice my mother that she should take $30K out of her 401K to buy him a truck so that he can be without car payments, which ignores the fact the SHE will still have car payments and will be working.

[Nikia]

7. I must be in the wrong career field

If I could be making $50,000-$100,000 as a waitress.
Both men and women were rather not go to work for many employers in this socities. Employers expect a lot while giving little other than money in return. I think they even expect more from women because women are supposed to be nice, not complain, and do exactly as we are told. Adding to this, many men and women still value men's careers more than women's careers and hold women responsible for care of the household, children, and social/family relations even if she works as much or more than him and makes as much or more than him.
I also wonder if he has seen clients in which the man has trouble going to work or taking a job with fewer hours and less pay than he could be making, especially after being laid off. I antedotally know of a number of cases and these men are less likely than women to be taking care of everything else like housework and shopping for their full time working spouse.

[bliss_eternal]

9. I would love to be privy to some of his e-mail...

He welcomes feedback on all of his articles. He's based in Northern California. Imagine the mail/feedback this asshole gets...

:rofl:

[jmm]

14. *sigh*

The woman's movement was suppose to be about choice. Instead however in this nation as well as every other nation that has "given" women rights choice becomes a new norm that is dictated to women. I read a great article years ago about how after the rise in communism in Vietnam life became harder in many ways for women. Yeah they were new "equal" on many levels yet they were still expected to fulfill the traditional roles. Just like in this country after a woman came came home from work she was still expected to take on the bulk of work when it came to cooking, cleaning, raising children...

The vast majority of housewives don't spend heavily on clothes, jewelry, spas, etc. He claims children are better off in a high quality day care but many families can't even afford a low quality day care. My mom "didn't work" from the birth of my older brother until I turned 6 because she couldn't afford to.

A couple of years ago I overheard two men arguing at work. One said that when "his" woman had a child he made sure she still worked and the other said that he let "his" woman know that she had to stay at home. I jumped in and called them both two damn sides to the same damn sexist coin then tore them each a new one for acting like they were some stand-up guys for making the right choices for "their" woman. What goes on in a relationship should be discussed and not dictated.

Regardless of what women do I have a feeling we'll never please him.

[geniph]

17. What a clueless fuck.

I mean, pardon my language, but I can't think of anything that fits this imbecile better.

Fella, let me break something to you gently. Some MEN don't like going to work every day much, either. My husband quit his corporate job, which was driving him insane, and started his own business. He doesn't really work full-time most of the time. I'm our primary financial support (I've made all the mortgage payments, for example). When he was laid off, before he started the business, I supported him for 17 months. He's not a bum, he just needed to rethink what he wanted out of life. It doesn't occur to Mr. Clueless-Fuck Nemko that maybe that's what some of the women are doing, trying to think about what they'd like to look back on when they're 85 years old? "Gee, I wish I'd spent more time moving up the corporate ladder!"

I really hope he isn't married.

[bliss_eternal]

18. Actually he is married--

and he has a daughter, that I recall that he mentions frequently in his articles. :eyes:

It's articles like this, and attitude's like this that make me never want to talk about "what I do" with others.

I really appreciate the point you brought up, geniph. I'm one of those people thinking about what I'd like to look back on when I'm 85. It's articles like this and people like him that make me embarassed and ashamed to admit it.
I don't have children, so I can't use the catchy little "stay at home mom" phrase. lol. I'm merely a housewife.

I started working part time at age 14. I lived in a household where I was forced to provide for myself at a very young age. By the time I was 17, I was out of the house, on my own paying college tuition and supporting myself. While most young people are discovering who they are at that age, I was trying to keep a roof over my head and provide for basic necessities. Not easy when all those around you are doing what young people are supposed to do a that age, and you can't--because your livelihood depends on it.

When you start so young in survival mode, it's difficult to break the habit. You never think about what you'd LIKE to do, or WANT to do...well, you think about it as a passing fancy like, "...wouldn't it be nice if" but it's never a consideration for yourself.

I married a guy that has encouraged me and supported me in exploring that "wouldn't it be nice." In fact, he believes my life depends on that, on developing my gifts and talents. :loveya:

Yes, I'm home and it would be great to have the additional income, but we make do for now. This isn't forever, and it certainly isn't because I want to sit on my ass all day watching Oprah. There's a reason I'm doing this, which is generally too involved and too personal to get into with everyone--so when people ask I say "housewife and student." :shrug:

Thank you, geniph. :hi:

[Triana]

21. Why didn't the pr*ck just write one sentence...

...'women are lazy b*tches!' and be done with it.

That's all he's saying anyway. And, the rest of this thread about the 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' philosophy of some of these "men" applies too. It doesn't matter WHAT a woman does or does NOT do, to these types of neanderthals. It's all wrong. If she's breathing. She's wrong.

In the end, who cares what THEY think? This guy and the likes of him are nothing but big, ignorant phalluses anyway. I wonder if his knuckles still drag the ground when he walks?