Would you wear an abaya or is it disrespectful/degrading to you?

[politicat]

I've been working for a travel agency the past few months, doing a lot of sales materials. I have gotten to know one of the women who runs a neat safari hotel in western India fairly well, and she is Muslim; fairly progressive and very intelligent. She sent me an abaya (it's not a salwaar kamez - no pants; not a caftan - it closes up the front; not a burquah - no head covering) as a thank you gift. It's a gorgeous piece of work, silk blue embroidery on white, almost sheer cotton. As a cover for the hot sun, it's incredible. It's exactly what little Miss Irish Skin here needs to survive the high desert plateau. It came with a dupatta (the shawl that can be used as a headscarf).

But I'm not muslim. Would it be offensive for me to wear this (I need to alter it a little.)? Alternately, would it indicate an acceptance of the institutionalized sexism that is part of the culture that produced this?

[StellaBlue]

1. That is TOTALLY up to you, IMHO.

I would wear it, it sounds awesome.

It would be especially awesome if you go to an Indian/Muslim wedding. I have seen many non-Indians wear beautiful saris to weddings in the UK, and it usually seen as a compliment to the Indian bride and groom, as far as I can tell.

Personally, I wouldn't wear the head covering precisely because people will think you are an observant Muslim. And I wouldn't to even get into that debate (re: head coverings). It would be appropriate, I guess, if you visited a mosque or a Catholic church that hasn't heard about Vatican II yet!

:hi:

[politicat]

2. I wear hats and veils all the time, though.

I've got skin that burns under incandescent bulbs, so if I don't wear some sort of protective clothing, I end up badly burnt. Sunscreen helps, but I really need protective fabrics. That's how we got on the subject of veils and abayas in the first place; she saw the pic of me on one of our sites with one of my hats and asked if hats were common in the US. Scarves are an easy protective garment. Mohammed may have been crazy on other things, but insisting that women be veiled and robed was merely protecting the women. (Apparently, only wealthy women were allowed the luxury of thin summer robes and veils, leaving other women to suffer; making the veil universal actually improved women's lives in a desert climate in the 7th century.)

It's utterly gorgeous, and as soon as I get pictures, I'll get them posted.

(Of course, I now have to come up with a return gift, but fortunately, the company has several stock gifts they give.)

[StellaBlue]

3. sounds like you've got it covered

Sorry. haha

That sounds so beautiful - can't wait to see the photos!!!

[ismnotwasm]

4. You could check in the Muslim forum

But I don't think it's offensive. I love so much of "ethnic" dress, It's often colorful, beautiful or practical.

My daughter, when stationed in Afghanistan sent me the plain long shirt and pants that MEN traditionally wear, as well as the longer "shirt" that reaches the ankles. They are extremely comfortable, and I wear them around the house. I never thought of a religious connection at all. I hope it doesn't have one!

[Warpy]

5. I don't want to be TOLD I HAVE to wear an abaya

but I wouldn't mid wearing one on bad hair days or when I just wanted anonymity and to avoid sexual pressure from randy males.

It's CHOICE. When women are free to choose, some will choose the abaya or even the fundy uniform of shapeless long dress and sensible shoes while others will embrace the "Ho" look now prevalent in shopping malls.

Any man who thinks he has the right to tell women what to wear really needs to be taken out to the woodshed and threatened with a rusty meat cleaver.

[noamnety]

6. Thoughts on your final question

"would it indicate an acceptance of the institutionalized sexism that is part of the culture that produced this?"

Funny question given the amount of sexism that's part of our own culture. If you wear heels or makeup or shave your legs or (insert a dozen other things), you're already indicating an acceptance of institutionalized sexism.

[ismnotwasm]

7. I was reading somewhere that makeup

Is a western form of veiling. (I think it was in the suppressed histories somewhere; http://www.suppressedhistories.net/ )I thought it was interesting, but women have the choice to wear makeup. Some of those other things, especially shaving legs, have enormous social pressure, so while it's not "forced" it's difficult to combat. Hairy=masculine. And a "masculine" women of course is not only unacceptable, but not really a women at all. Not only marginalized, but even more dehumanized. It's often the "little" things that express wholesale sexism.

[melnjones]

13. Wearing make-up: there can be a lot of social pressure for this...

As someone who has struggled with complexion issues since childhood, I know first hand that there can be just as much, if not more, pressure to wear make-up as there is pressure to shave your legs, etc. Society doesn't deal well with women who have acne and choose not to cover it under a mile of make-up, unfortunately. I've had to sit and listen to lectures, even from extended family, on the lengths I should go to in order to clear up my complexion (nothing worked very well, or at all sometimes). Leaving my face uncovered (which I often did/do anyway) meant making myself vulnerable to intense scrutiny regarding my refusal to take care of my face. I hated it...my face is more clear now because I'm 25, but my younger sisters (especially the youngest, who is 16) still have to deal with this crap. What a way to rip someone's self-esteem to shreds... :mad:

[CornField]

8. If I thought it was beautiful & it made me feel good to wear it

I'd wear it. If, however, I thought it was beautiful but always felt uncomfortable wearing it (for whatever reason), I wouldn't wear it.

In other words, if *you* think wearing it makes some sort of statement of acceptance of a culture/activity you don't agree with, would you feel good wearning it? (Regardless of how beautiful it is.)

I think that's the key to a lot of the things we discuss: Does it make me feel better, more confident, special, etc. For instance, I shave my legs because I tend to wear a lot of leggings. I don't like how the hair pulls in the leggings. So, although some feel this practice is sexist, for me it serves a purpose and I feel more comfortable.

[geniph]

9. It's your choice

and that's the whole crux of the matter to me: if you can choose whether or not to wear it, then wearing or not wearing it are equally okay. If, on the other hand, you are wearing it because men are disturbed by your existence, that's a whole different ballgame.

The abaya didn't come about solely because some men are patriarchal pigs; it's a very practical garment for a hot climate. Wear it for that reason. If anyone has the nerve to question your wearing it, point out that you're wearing it because it is a) comfortable, b) practical, c) beautiful, and d) a treasured gift.

[shimmergal]

10. If you wear it because you like it, or

for any of Geniph's reasons, you're taking away its power to symbolize institutionalized sexism. At least that's true in this country, or anywhere that you have a choice.

Actually, I regret that hats and headscarves are no longer acceptable for a "with it" woman to wear in this country. I keep telling myself I'm old enough to be eccentric about this, but still sometimes get funny looks when wearing a hat.

[geniph]

11. I want hats to come back in fashion too

I feel like the crazy old cat lady whenever I wear a hat, dammit, because no one seems to wear them anymore. Wah!

...then again, I AM the crazy old cat lady. But that doesn't mean I want that to be apparent to random passersby! ;-)

[bliss_eternal]

12. I wear hats and no one can tell me not to...

they are part of my fashion sense and always have been. I was raised with southern women that dressing up meant wearing hats and gloves...the change of seasons meant wearing layers and sometimes included hats and gloves.

As a Californian I get looks and I don't give a damn. In the fall/winter I wear berets with my coats or jackets and am rarely without gloves. They are my favorite accessories. Love 'em!

If you like them, go get some and wear them proudly--Screw what others think!

I like that I don't look or dress just like everyone else in this regard. I get frequent compliments during the times of year that I wear my hats, scarves and gloves. I've also had people say,"...it's not that cold!" Maybe it isn't for them--so what, I am--my accessories keep me warm and cute, thank you very much! ;)

[melnjones]

14. If you're comfortable with it, go for it.

It's when it is a mandated thing that I get upset. For example...I was raised Mennonite and had a lot of Amish influence growing up (half my extended family is Amish...my dad was raised Amish, etc). Modesty in dress has always been a big thing in how I was raised and the society around me. Now, while I have no problem with others wearing shorter skirts, etc, I myself am very uncomfortable doing so. If I wear a dress or a skirt, I would rather it come down half way between my knee and ankle...at least. I'm also not comfortable being in public in a tank top unless I'm working out...it hasn't been until the last few years that I've begun to feel ok wearing something that's just sleeveless. I have worn other stuff, but I don't particularly like it. When I do wear something form-fitting people are surprised because it's so rare, lol.

On the other hand, I'd usually take a comfortable pair of pants and some comfortable shoes or airwalk sandals over any dress or skirt. The "women must wear a dress" crowd royally pisses me off :puke:

[Lilith Velkor]

15. Not at all.

One thing I've learned lately is that it's a very good thing to have something to throw over your face when there's a dust storm. (Or tear gas.)

"Always know where your towel is." -- Douglas Adams