The porn star husband part 2... I still don't get it...

[bliss_eternal]

In viewing Supergroup on VH1, I expected to be offended by Ted Nugent but have not been. Actually, Ted has been the least offensive thing on the show thus far.

I watched last night, the porn star was on the show, joining her husband (asshole rockstar). I thought he was a narcisstic neanderthal before, but last night was absolutely disgusting. For those that did not read my other thread, a little background follows:

Rockstars are in a mansion for VH1's reality show, Supergroup. VH1 has put five rockers together for twelve days to collaborate. I won't get into the purpose, etc. One of the rockstars is married to a porn actress, named Tera Patrick. I've seen her in another interview where she stated she thought she would get married and leave the adult world, but her rock star husband is INTO what she does and asked her to stay in the industry. They created a porn company together.

Well last night, I got really pissed watching them together. He just seems like a bullying pimp. The whole thing sickened me.

Apparently, she had just finished a feature dancer gig at a strip club. Her asshole husband was sitting counting all of the money she earned. Then he went on to talk about how he's her manager and how great it is because she just likes to be a girl and I quote "wear pink, get her nails done, and pose for magazine covers..." :grr: :mad: :eyes:

Then neanderthal man proceeds to bully her into a photo shoot in the mansion. She initially declined, stating there were others there and she didn't want to be exposed that way. Guess who won that argument? :eyes: Next thing you know she's sitting having her hair and makeup done for the photo shoot. Then he starts bullying her about her hair style. She spoke up for herself and told him to stop talking to her that way, etc. It was an absolute train wreck.

I don't get why she's married to this asshole or allowing him to "manage her" career at all. He seems abusive, and like he just gets off on being able to say he's married to this hot porn actress AND reaping the reward of the money SHE makes.

After seeing them together, I don't get why she's with this asshole at all. I GET why he's with her. :eyes: :puke:

But WHY would a woman stay with a guy like this, and allow him to take control of her career?

[mrreowwr_kittty]

1. I'll go out on a limb here.....

I know this is about as cliched as it gets but the woman must have appallingly low self-esteem. I don't know if she had it before she got into porn and then married that knuckledragger or if those things caused/contributed heavily to it. I haven't watched the show as you have but, based on your description, I hope she watches it herself and realizes what a shitty deal she is in.

I checked out some clips from the show out of curiosity. On one of them he goes into this pompous little rant against Ted Nugent, who claimed to be offended by the photo shoot. He trotted out the standard bullshit red herring of "Why does everyone get so upset about sex when violence is so much worse!" Sure buddy, keep telling yourself that. Asshole.

[bliss_eternal]

2. Nugent surprisingly, was offended...

Sebastian Bach got Nugent to enter the room, to show off his wife (I guess), who was posing with the porn star. Ted looked, and immediately exited the room. That's when he stated he wasn't into such public displays, and didn't understand how anyone would want their loved one to be involved in such a thing. I was pleasantly surprised.

The guy that you saw go into his little rant is the one I dislike. He just seems to be a misogynistic narcissicist--very into the lifestyle that his job (and wife) afford him, giving no thought to whether she WANTS to live that way. Of course, as a grown up and can speak up for herself if she's not digging it.

I probably shouldn't get so angry about it, again--she's an adult. If she's unhappy she can leave his sorry ass. I just hate to see women treated so shabbily. Her husband is SO transparent.

On edit, you're probably right. Low self esteem could be the reason. :shrug: I can't think of any others...

[Warpy]

3. Or high self esteem, thinking she can change the sucker

and help him let go of that porn-life confustion thing he's got going on together with a rigid grip on his fantasies.

She really should have worked all this stuff out BEFORE she walked down the aisle. Now it's going to cost her when she finally throws in the towel and dumps the pervert.

[mrreowwr_kittty]

4. I'd go with that except,

There's no way any woman who feels remotely good about herself would let a guy profit off of her being in porn. I do see your point about women overestimating their ability to "redeem" a man. That's a common, and misguided, aspiration. But in her case I think she believed she was going to redeem <i>herself</i> through marriage and, hoo boy, did she pick the wrong guy to do that!

[ismnotwasm]

5. He IS a pimp

And my guess is you're feeling how you're supposed to feel, watching the show.
He's gleefully making money off of her sexual performances. Some women in the industry get shitty like that, and become pimps themselves. If you can't beat 'em, be like 'em. And that's what this woman may be doing. "Reality TV" is a misnomer. She's showing all the neophyte wanna be porn star proper porn star behavior.

I find it interesting the the show tells of a woman who thought she'd get out of the industry, but her arrogant 'ol rock star husband won't let her. No more self determination then a blow up doll. Helpless little barbie. A sex toy. Oh, a little fire there just to make things interesting. Look at the submissive little porn star boys, don't you want one just like her? You can't? Well run out and buy some porn!

Those that defend the sex industry, and talk about how it "empowers" women should well and truly pissed at this representation. It sounds like typical mainstream media light as a feather porn. Strokes so light you don't know you've been had.

Now, if my cynical way of thinking is wrong, if she's in a marriage and being treated like shit, she needs to tell him to fuck off,- pardon the pun--and dump his sorry ass. Either she has self determination and choice and will eventually be able to do this, is a predator/pimp herself, or is stuck with an asshole because she lacks empowerment/self-esteem, and thinks it's all about "love"

[bliss_eternal]

6. It opened my eyes...

prior to this, I took women at their word. If they said, "...I feel empowered in porn" I said, okey dokey. If she said, "...I'm doing this because I want to" I thought, alright then--right on, sister!

But a part of me has waited, patiently for the other shoe to drop. I watched every interview featuring Jenna Jameson. I've seen her on Stern, watched her True Hollywood Story, etc. Over and over I saw her say she felt this was her life's calling. (I'm not bullshitting, she said that). Then one day....

VH1 did a special show with her. I almost didn't watch it, as I'd seen all the others and she'd always maintained she wasn't molested, raped or assaulted--so they all were the same show essentially. Jenna stating how great her life is, and how happy she is with her choices to work in porn. But I decided to tune in anyway.

Surprise--surprise!!! This time, she said in fact she WAS assaulted as a very young girl. Later she seemed to NEED to act out sexually, to re-live what happened but to be the victor--over and over again. This is kind of what she does in porn.

I also later found out she also wanted to leave the industry after marriage, to have a child, etc. But her husband discouraged her from doing so. Another eye-opener for me, as she's always maintained that she is self-determined and independent, and doesn't do anything she doesn't want to.

I saw the woman I spoke of in my original post (Tera Patrick) in an unrelated show speak candidly about her feelings, thoughts and expectations. I was surprised to see her on SuperGroup and find some of her issues brought to light this way. Her husband is an asshat--and he is pimiping her. She is allowing him to do so.

Maybe it shouldn't, but both she and Jenna Jameson have changed how I think and feel about porn. I took women like them at their word before, and now I'm not so sure they are even aware of how their dysfunctions and issues are being played out in the world of pornography.

[bleedingheart]

7. There are far more respectable and legitimate ways to gain power

through sex.

Look at history...many courteseans made handsome livings and helped determine the governance of countries via their sexual and intellectual prowess. Hell there are women who gained power by merely witholding sex until they got what they wanted...Anne Boelyn (she got crown but took a big ole risk)..Elizabeth Woodville..(another english woman who refused to "do the deed" without a ring...etc)

However...having someone treat you like a sperm receptacle and oohing and ahhing about some random fellow's performance on a film...is not "empowering" in my personal viewpoint.

I didn't watch the show and I am glad I watch very little tv...cuz this stuff upsets me.

[ismnotwasm]

8. Any in my acquaintance

Which is mostly limited to those who have had addiction problems as well-- not all but most---I can think of maybe only one or two who DIDN'T have either horrible self-esteem issues, or had been molested as a child.
I knew one survivor of child porn, actually two, because I believe it involved her and her brother.--Screwed up-- and I mean I thought damaged beyond repair.
I have a friend who was prostituted as a child, she didn't act out in actual pornography, but in other ways, sexual and non-sexual.

Since I have only life stories to go by, I'm like you, I can take a women's word that this is what she wants to do, but my anecdotal stories paint another picture. Not only that, because I'm the way I am, I've always been drawn to people of different cultures. So when I hear about the export sex industry in the Philippines, for instance I understand for these women, it's not about choice, and it never has been.

On another note, I bought the "Book of lists" by Russ Kick. Among his lists "sex" lists are "Strange genre's of Porn Movies"
More telling is "153 bizarre and Revealing Spam Subject Lines Leading to Sexually Oriented Messages" Needless to say most of it involves pornography with women and/or girls, and sounds horrid. Along with the erection and/or penile enlarger spam, it paints a pretty good picture of what the porn industry wants the general public to see.

From my anti-porn feminist point of view, porn will always be exploitative and demeaning to women as long as we have patriarchy rule. End of story. I know that some feminist thought is that pornography would disappear if society ever equalized.

That being said, there are a lot of sex worker advocates and activists who are trying to change the perception of the "Adult industry" as well as increase awareness and safety. (Some of these advocate fall into the "pimp" category as far as I'm concerned, and nearly all reinforce patriarchal values, but not all.)

This, I can go for since these men and women, by choice or not are easy victims, susceptible to violence and disease. I personally don't think these advocates are making a whole lot of headway because of the exploitive and world wide nature of the industry, but there are making inroads in slowing the HIV rate, as well as other diseases. I applaud and support their efforts. Pornography isn't going away anytime soon. (And the ones you see on reality TV are probably at the top of the food chain.)

I was reading about this women and her organization when looking up porn stats. It's is an example of the advocacy I was talking about
http://aim-med.org/index.html

[bliss_eternal]

9. I am a fan of Sharon Mitchell's work with AIM...

I've seen her on many porn related interviews, documentaries, etc. I wasn't aware of her history, and was kind of taken aback to find out the reason she left porn after being attacked.

From the Courttv transcript of a 2001 interview w/Sharon:

wcbkool1: How and why did you get in the business?

Sharon Mitchell: I needed lots of attention, and I was a very rebellious young girl, and when I saw my genitalia 16 feet high on the silver screen, I knew this was for me.

---------------------------snip-----------------------------------------------

wcbkool1: What made you get out of the business and when did you get out?

Sharon Mitchell: In 1996, I was attacked by a crazed fan, someone who was obsessed by Sharon Mitchell S&M movies and Jesus Christ at the same time, and I was raped and beaten within an inch of my life. This quickly prompted me to go into detox, and I began to go back to school, and found the Aim Health Care Foundation. I did do about 6 movies after that, but it wasn't the same without the anesthetic. I believe that I should have been done about 10 years earlier, but I felt safe in porn. I felt the camaraderie, and it provided a wealth of money for my drug addiction, so I stayed. So I thank God for that crazy fan, because he started me on my road to recovery.


http://www.courttv.com/talk/chat_transcripts/2001/0723mitchell.html

It's interesting to me (and rather telling) why she got in, and what prompted her move out (of porn). There seems to be this odd loyalty from those in porn to the industry. Many seem reticent to blame the industry for drug issues, alcoholism or other such addiction issues. Yet, so many that were in the industry had these problems at one time or the other.

There was an interesting VH1 special that they don't air very much though I wish they would. The docurmentary was called Hollywood Babylon. It spoke of the other side of being a pin-up model (segment was titled Centerfold Babylon or something like that). I found it rather eye opening and an answer to a question I frequently ponder when looking at the women that find success in entertainment after centerfold or pin-up status--what becomes of a beautiful woman? The answer according to that special wasn't encouraging, but it was interesting.

Pamela Anderson said for many years she wasn't molested or abused. She recanted a few years ago and said she has recalled memories of being accosted as a young girl/teen.

Coincidence?

[bliss_eternal]

10. Maybe it's men in general---

(and inherent stupidity). I say this, as I am reminded of a famous line spoken by Rita Hayworth. "Men went to bed with Gilda, and they woke up with me (Rita)."

Apparently many men fell in love with the idea of her character "Gilda" from the film, her pin-up and all that went with that persona. They couldn't seperate the woman from her work. Seems insane to me as all accounts state she was NOTHING like the characters she portrayed. Rita Hayworth was shy and more reserved away from the camera...

:shrug: