Help, I feel alone!!!

[aljones]

I feel alone. I think it is because I am a woman. I think it is because I am intelligent. I think it is because (I am not boasting) i am pretty. Sometimes I think the worst combination for women is being both smart and pretty because it leaves us open to hostility from other women. Is that possible or am I just being self-serving?

I came to this group, after seeing the invitation thread in the Lounge. I am just curious if other women have trouble finding their place in the world.

Aly

[libodem]

1. hi

You don't sound self-serving, sister. I'm a little lonely myself sometimes, even though I have many great friends. I've been single and looking for the last 20 years. To qualify that, I'm comfortable being alone. Otherwise I could have hooked up with a bum. That being said I suppose I'm not desperate. I'm smart and pretty, too. I love my independence. I can come and go as I wish. No explanations, no excuses, no checking in, no asking permission. I love this DU board. It's the only reason I ever even wanted a computer or learned how to type. I would like to feel a more personal connection to people here, but I don't know how to break in. To make a friend you have to be one as the old saying goes. I'm not sure how to go about personalizing relationships through cyberspace. If you are up for it I'll be your friend. Again, here goes my Virgo Moon, having to analyze everything. I'll be friends with anyone one the spot and if I find out they are not okay, I take the burn. My brother, many years ago taught me a life lesson. He told me he never became anyone's friend until they proved themselves worthy. He immediately does not trust people at first glance. In fact, as a kid his best, closest friends, had almost all had a fist to cuffs with him. I guess after guys try to beat each other up the cards are laid on the table. I trust first-get burned later. My bro-gets burned first and trusts later. This diatribe is brought to you because I never knew anyone ever made friends any differently than I do, and this made me think about it.

[aljones]

2. That is awesome...

I too was single for many years. I enjoyed my independence and came to count it has one of my strengths. I know so many women who just can't stand to be alone, they will put up with almost anything to keep, or attain, a man. I am no longer single, I have a wonderful boyfriend who is super laid-back about almost everything. Sometimes I miss having the close relationships with women that I once had. Once upon a time I had several very close female friends, but as the years have gone by, marriages have taken place, and babies were born and jobs were lost and gained; those friendships have slipped away without being replaced with new ones. On the same note, My boyfriend Bob is only one of his friends not married and one of only two who does not already have children. I guess in a way we are both sort-of alone now...(for whatever reason I never seemed to connect with any of his friends wives....When your young and single, you really don't have much in common with Married Mothers....Atleast I don't anyway)

[libodem]

3. It's easy to loose touch with old friends

I have a couple of friends here in town that I don't call often enough. One I have known since junior high school and the other one since our children were small in the 1980's. I can understand the single woman not having a lot in common with young married mothers. It certainly does not preclude friendships but children are so time consuming that it is hard to do anything that doesn't involve diaper bags, bottles, car seats, and babysitters. I'm happy you have a nice BF. They are hard to come by. I have a semblance of a BF. He lives near Sacramento and is a workaholic. He is cute and a good lover. I just never get to see him. He's kind of a pretend boyfriend. Oddly it satisfies some attachment urge in my system. I have a large group of married friends. I hang out with the guys during their band practices. I'm the roady-groupie, known as a 'groady'. (That is supposed to be funny) All the wives are my friends and because I'm trustworthy I'm not a threat to any marriages. I'm lucky in the friend department.

[aljones]

4. Funny you should mention a "pretend boyfriend"

During my long single stint....I had a sorta boyfriend for about a year. My cousin had convinced me years before that you never "name the puppy" till your sure you are gonna keep him. To all my friends I called him "Teacher boy", his real name was Mike, but my friends only knew him as teacher boy, it was very funny. Needless to say in a years time I never "Named the Puppy" Looking back, we just pretended to even care about one another, we really didn't, it was more like a mutual gratification thing. We would only speak about twice a week, and see each other twice a month. The sex was good, but predictable ~ guess that is why it didn't last any longer.

[politicat]

5. Yes... Agreed.

Very tough to be bright and maintain friendships. (Especially female-female friendships) Of course, those are hard to maintain normally for a variety of reasons, but when the babies come... :eyes:

I'm married, but no kids and never will.

[BlueIris]

6. I have the same problem. nt