Reply #92: And I thought This Was A Joke... [View All]

[iamjoy]

STAFF NOTICE

TOILET POLICY

With immediate effect, a toilet policy will be established to provide a more consistent method of accounting for staff, during working hours, thus ensuring effective time management and equal treatment for all.

In future, the doors to all toilets will be equipped with computer-linked voice recognition devices, which can only be activated to open at the sound of a persons voice. Staff must therefore immediately provide management with two voiceprints, one in a normal tone and one under stress/desperation.

The following rules will also apply:
On the first day of every month, all staff will be issued with 22 toilet trip credits which may be accumulated. Once the employees trip bank reaches zero, the doors of the toilet will not unlock for the employee's voice until the first working day of the following month. In addition, all cubicles are to be equipped with timed paper - roll extractors.

If the toilet is occupied for longer than three minutes, an alarm will sound. Thirty seconds later, the toilet paper will retract into the dispenser, the toilet will flush and the door will open automatically.

If the toilet remains occupied , your photograph will be taken by a security camera and will appear on the Toilet Offenders Board.

Anyone appearing three times on the Toilet Offenders Board will forfeit three month's toilet trip credits. Anyone caught smiling when the photograph is taken will undergo counselling by a clinical psychologist.

Be advised that workmen's compensation insurance does not cover any injuries while trying to stop the toilet paper retracting into the dispenser, or trying to keep the toilet door from opening.

We trust that you will cooperate fully with us, and suggest that if you have any problems with this policy, you should make more use of your toilet facilities at home where you can sit to your heart's content.

By order
MANAGEMENT.

:hurts: :hurts: