Reply #50: Femme can be a double edged sword (long) [View All]

[SarahB]

I'm pretty femme appearance-wise and I like that. With the figure I've been given and how I choose to dress and wear my hair, it's hard not to look unmistakably female, but I'm comfortable with myself, so that's what matters most.
However, in various times in my life I've perhaps experienced situations where I've faced sexual harassment because of it and that was disturbing. While comfortable with my own sexual self, it's for me to choose who I share it with. I mean think about it. Picture Jayne Mansfield and Audrey Hepburn in the same dress. Neither is showing more than the other, but because of Jayne's figure, people might make assumptions about her that they wouldn't make of Audrey.
I've also dealt with the type of men I would be attracted to not making an effort because they didn't think I would go for them. In the words of an old boyfriend when I asked him why I had to make the first move when we had been flirting for months, he said, "I thought you were out of my league." I was the girl that no one asked to the prom. I was very cute and nice with friends, but not a pushover and spoke my mind when it came to serious subjects, not content to just smile and be cute only. I still am.
So, I'm a feminist, intelligent woman who's not afraid to get her hands dirty who likes looking very feminine. I like being appreciated and noticed for my external self (in a polite way of course), but I wish to be loved and cherished for the inner qualities that I have as well. Finding the right combinations of all these elements fitting together with someone you can feel the same way for is tough sometimes. I guess I just never want to feel like I have to censor any part of me again- be it internal or external.