Reply #26: And my observation over the years has been that [View All]

[Lydia Leftcoast]

there is a certain subset of males, who, given the choice between an insincere bitch who looks and acts like the seductive women in the movies and an ordinary-looking (not ugly, just ordinary) woman who would never dream of leading on anyone she didn't care about, will choose the insincere bitch every time.

The female counterpart to that mindset is choosing the rakish bad boy types who invariably end up being unfaithful and/or abusive.

If you're at all decent, there's probably some young lady who is smitten with you, but who doesn't have the slick manipulative skills needed to attract your attention. She watches in frustration as you select one bitch after another.

But you don't give her the time of day because she's not a stereotypical "hottie" and because she doesn't approach you with insincere flattery and flirtation.

Why do I know this? Because I lived in a women's dorm all through college and had 17 roommates, 14 of them female, during my long graduate school career. In all of these living situations, the often deliberately cruel bitches never lacked for male attention. I actually had one roommate who automatically flirted intensively with any male she met (and she was good at it--hysterically funny sometimes), whether she liked him or not. I actually saw her flirting seductively with one guy, only to turn to me and say, "God, he was such a loser" when he left.

The male who chooses the bitch and the female who chooses the bad boy are mirror images of each other, and both are overly influenced by the media, where everyone has a beautiful, well-dressed lover who spouts suggestive one-liners through sensuous lips.

That's not real life. The sooner you come down to earth and learn to appreciate the qualities that are NOT touted in the media, the sooner you'll find a satisfying relationsihp.

Speaking as a woman whose tastes in men have evolved over the years, I've learned to separate pure physical attraction (which can be AWFULLY powerful, even at my age) from the qualities that will make a relationship work.

Sure, you have to have some physical attraction, but you can't spend all your time in bed, and any relationship that lasts more than a couple of weeks is going to arrive at the point where shared values, kindness, being on the same mental wavelength, dependability, generosity, and the ability to weather rough spots without having a tantrum or melting down are much more important.

By the way, has Rachel actually told you that she doesn't like you "that" way, or are you just assuming?

When I was at my "longing for bad boys" stage, I actually turned down some guys who would have been much better for me. Maybe you are doing something similar.