Reply #25: My cat was pretty terrific, but it still was not easy. [View All]

[Rhiannon12866]

And it has become impossible for my dog, who is even smaller. My friend sent me this e-mail, but she has a dog and two horses, and not a kitty, so she can't begin to understand.:shrug:

> > HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL;
> >
> > 1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm, as if
holding
> a
> > baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth
> and
> > gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding the pill in right hand.
As
> > cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and
> swallow.
> >
> > 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
left
> > arm and repeat process.
> >
> > 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, throw soggy pill away.
> >
> > 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear
> paws
> > tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth
> with
> > right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
> >
> > 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
> > spouse from garden.
> >
> > 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and
> rear
> > paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly
> > either one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down
> ruler
> > and rub cat's throat vigorously.
> >
> > 7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
Make
> > note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
> > figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
> >
> > 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
> > visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force
mouth
> > open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
> >
> > 9. Check label to make sure is not harmful for humans, drink one beer
to
> > take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood
from
> > carpet with cold water and soap.
> >
> > 10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
> > beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck to leave head
> > showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat
> > with elastic band.
> >
> > 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
> > Drink beer. Fetch bottle of Scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold
> compress
> > to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey
> > compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt
> away
> > and fetch a new one from the bedroom.
> >
> > 12. Call the fire department to retrieve the cat from the tree across
the
> > road. Apologize to neighbor who swerved to avoid cat and crashed. Take
> > last pill from foil-wrap.
> >
> > 13. Tie the little bd's front paws to rear paws with garden twine
> and
> > bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves
from
> > shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be
> > rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down
> throat
> > to wash pill down.
> >
> > 14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
> emergency
> > room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forehead and
removes
> > pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on the way home to
> > order new table.
> >
> > 15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet
> > shop to see if they have any dogs.
> >
> >
> > HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL:
> >
> > 1. Wrap the pill in bacon.