Reply #14: They need to upgrade the toaster model as an incentive. [View All]

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TALKIE TOASTER™ (patent applied for) is your cheery breakfast companion, with advanced artificial intelligence. Wake up each morning to a cheery "Howdy Doodly Doo!" and freshly buttered toast.

Or a muffin. Or a teacake. Or whatever you like, because Talkie Toaster™ (patent applied for) can toast a whole range of bread products including many varieties of muffins, teacakes, buns, baps, baguettes, bagels, brabbles, croissants, crumpets, pancakes, potato cakes, hot cross buns, flapjacks and waffles.

Should you wish for more than just breakfast however, Talkie Toaster™ (patent applied for) will not disappoint. Thanks to vast technical improvements pioneered by engineers in our research laboratories, Talkie Toaster™ (patent applied for) is no longer limited to the pre-programmed conversations and crude mood-assessment algorithms of earlier models.

The new Model C can not only sense your mood accurately, it can adjust many aspects of its behaviour to suit. It is able to sing in the musical style of your choice and converse on almost any topic, with a range that takes in the inane chattering style of reverse-flu-suffering DJs, to complex discussions of metaphysics, quantum mechanics, time travel, and religion – all with a unique bready slant. For example, Talkie Toaster™ (patent applied for) has been known to ask such searching questions as "given that God is infinite, and that the universe is also infinite, would you like a toasted teacake?"

Impressed? Of course you are. Which is why you'll be glad to know that for just $19.99 (plus tax) Talkie Toaster™ (patent applied for) can be yours!

Talkie Toaster™ (patent applied for) is available in a variety of different stylings, including our most popular model (main picture), and with various male and female voices to suit your own personal preference. We even have a special edition 'retro' model (this column), with an all-over chrome finish and circular speaker unit. Manufactured to the highest quality standards in our Taiwan factory Talkie Toaster™ (patent applied for) is a must-have appliance for any modern householder. Order yours now, for just $19.99!