Reply #8: Grammar Police, checking in with Andy [View All]

[Nevernose]

All apologies for going totally psycho-English teacher on you. But you asked for honest input. If I were giving this a letter grade, you would get an A-plus for content; you 've got a simple, well-written, and informed way of getting your messge out. There are, however, soem grammatical errors that a Democrat running for office and making a sales-pitch should probably avoid.

1. I didn't really understand the opening graphic, specifically the "suspect" part at the bottom.

2. Solid, simple layout on the main page. Liked it.

3. Nice picture.

4. If it were me, I would put the title in a bigger font and on two lines.

5. I like the plain white background and the lack of cheesy effects.

6. Last line of the first paragraph ("I wonder if Sam Reed the Current Secretary of State believes the same.") needs either commas or double-hyphens before/after "the current Secretary of State."

7. Same place, "current" shouldn't be capitalized.

8. Third paragraph -- comma after "When we look further..."

9. Same paragraph -- no colon or semi-colon.

10. Same paragraph -- "David Dill, a Stanford University..." and a comma between "public attention" and "says."

11. Same sentence -- close the quote.

12. Fourth paragraph -- is this a quote, and whom does it belong to?

13. Fifth paragraph -- A period is needed between "with another" and "this patch." Two sentences.

14. Sixth paragraph -- after the colon, you're SUPPOSED to use semi-colons, not commas. I never liked the way that looked, though, but the capitals don't look quite right, either. It's not standard, so it's a little distracting. Maybe commas instead of semi-colons, and no caps?

14. What's "the Australian system?"

15. Take out the @ sign and just use the word "at."