A Heads Up from Kef (sort of an apology too) [View All]

[Khephra]

sighhhhh.....

where to start?

Life had been in the shitter for me for the past 3 to 4 months. I'd say the problems started about 3 months into my job at Truthout.

sigh....

For those who don't know, I'm now the go-to guy when it comes to donations and phone calls from people who want to contact Truthout.

It is a WONDERFUL job. I love it and it is the best thing that's happened in my life in the last 10 years.

But it also makes it impossible to be here like I once was. I miss out on SOOOOO much these days.

Please, if you are an old-timer or a newbie, I'm not ignoring you, I'm just "narrowcasting".

About three months ago life started to hit the skids for me. I'm manic depressive (which is one reason I bless Truthout for helping me back into the work world), but I thought I was over being depressed.

HAH!

I went three years going sober...(I swore off drink the night Bush was selected (still am, so don't worry on that part)) and I crawled my way back up....

DU was here for me...

(crying now)

something changed....

I think it was when I first got involved with Primary Politics.

I'm a Deanie...still am.

I got involved in April of this year.....

And i want to tell you this:

Primary politics reminds me of High School.

I thought I left that shit behind me.

Now I'm not talking about the Deanies. I'm talking about EVERYONE involved with Primaries.

And the Iraq war hit me hard...I started to lose hope. I didn't have any hope until just about a month or so ago.

sigh...I'm not making this clear, I know....

(crying)

I've been snippy and pissy and I'm sorry.

(crying harder)

I really don't know what else to say...

I'm sorry for being a pain and not living up to what I can do. Will and others talked to me last night, and I think I've made it through this dark period of my life....

I don't know...but I think I have...

(crying again)....

so for anyone that I've been a bitch/bastard to these last 4 months, well, I'm seriously sorry. I went almost 3 years without having any "downtime" and it finally hit me HARD...like a brick on the head.

I love you all...

But I haven't loved myself for a few months and I wanted to die.

I'm through that tunnel now. Will hit me upside the head and so did a few others like Hippiechick, and I think...I hope...I'm back.


So be gentle...and if I lash out please understand life has not been easy for me lately.

Sigh....

I wish I could explain more but I don't think I need to.

With Love,
Kef