Reply #14: I love the way that's set up ... [View All]

[RoyGBiv]

If you don't agree with me, don't validate my own obsessions, you're an idiot. Basically, if you're not like me, you're abnormal. Great way to rationalize.

You don't settle. Ever. The word itself means you aren't getting what you want, and if you aren't getting what you want, what is the fucking point? If what you want is some plastic model creature, and you can't get that, you still don't "settle" because you will be hurting the person for whom you "settle" by obsessing over that plastic model creature you really wanted instead. Being single is not a horror. Humans are not inherently driven to be involved in relationships with someone, anyone, no matter what, just so we can say we are. That's a social construction, and you don't have to fall for it.

Me? I'm single. I "settled" long ago, had a daughter, and the "settling" made it all very difficult. I am very proud of my daughter now, proud of the relationship we have been able to develop, and, to use a trite phrase, I wouldn't give her up for anything. I would not go back in time and undo it. But I did "settle," and it was wrong for me to do so. Many people suffered far too much pain for far too many years because I did, because we did. My ex-wife is not a horrible person. She's a wonderful person, in fact. But she's not what I wanted in a partner, and I wasn't what she wanted. We settled because we fell for the hype, and we created far too many years of stupid drama because of it.

I was single and celibate, intentionally, for 7 years until a woman showed up in my life who is very clearly not someone for whom I will "settle." We're not now "together" in a traditional sense, but we're together in the way we define. It took us both a long time to get to a place where we could do that, and we're happier for it. The word "settle" never enters into it.