So I need help dealing with my mother-in-law [View All]

[Giant Robot]

I hope this doesn't sound too cliche but I am really fed up with my mother-in-law's behavior, and before I say anything I wanted suggestions from people not in the midst of it.

M-i-l and Mrs. Robot have had a strained relationship for as long as I have been a part of the mix. M-i-l has always said cruel little things to Mrs. Robot, who says she does not even notice them anymore. Frequent comments center around Mrs. Robot's weight and our handling of our finances. In all honesty Mrs. Robot has put on some weight over the years, but she says things that get mean. And again she has helped us out once with money and we have screwed ourselves over financially, our credit is a mess, but things are getting better and we have taken steps to be more secure financially. Doesn't matter. I have let all this go so far. I have thought that this is their relationship and they are going to play it out however they want.

Things are not getting better and I think I need to step in soon if this does not change. I have spent some time thinking about Little Robot, who turns two next month, and what impact it will have on her seeing grandma talk like this to mama. I have decided I am not going to let her think that this is appropriate behavior for her or adults. I will not have Mrs.Robot demeaned anymore like this, especially in front of Little Robot.

The only times she and Mrs. Robot have talked in the past month were: 1) when m-i-l called and left a nasty vmail saying a bank had called looking for Mrs Robot at her house. The vmail said "How dare you do this to me. I cannot even answer my phone anymore thanks to you." Yes it is a creditor, but it was their own fault for not seeing the payment made. 2) When Mrs. Robot wanted to ask a question about a recipe, she left a vmail. M-i-l went to Mrs. Robot's work, said, "What?" Mrs. Robot explained and said she figured out the answer. M-i-l turned and left. And 3) when Mrs. Robot called m-i-l to tell her what time Little Robot's party is, m-i-l asked if it was "going to be more civilized than last year." After we recovered from the shock factor, the only thing we could assume that meant was last year we had a little party, with some family and a couple friends for Little Robot's bday. We had cake and ice cream. Little Robot shoved her piece of cake right in her mouth and got all messy and needed a quick bath, then the party continued. M-i-l apparently thought that was a great part faux pas. Maybe not the best choice but its a learning curve and really it was a one year old's bday party.

So that is the story in very brief. I feel like I have to say something at least to stop the comments. I am not trying to fix their relationship, even I know I am not that good. But I just want it to stop so Little Robot does not think that this is OK. Any ideas what to say? Or is there another way? Or is saying something a bad idea? Help?