Derby picks for political groupies [View All]

[bklyncowgirl]

Alright, the Kentucky Derby is about a bunch of big, beautiful, small brained creatures running around in circles guided by midgets. The presidential race is about--well--politicians and their handlers. No comparison there, right?

At any rate, devotees of the presidential derby may want to take a look at a few of the choices in the real thing.

You may just find a horse to back.

Big Brown
Hey Obamaniacs, look at this guy. He's a natural. Big powerful and fast with a cool commanding personality that gives him a rockstar presence. He's won every race he's ever entered and won them big. Critics say he's not seasoned and has never been tested. Some point out that he has bad feet (he has to wear special glue on horse shoes) others tut tut about some of his connections--his outspoken trainer was once suspended for illegal drug use (on his horses not himself). Big Brown will have to overcome having to start from post 20 (aka the Churchill Downs parking lot). Still and all this could be one of the great ones. Can he do it? His trainer says "YES HE CAN!"

Eight Belles
Attention Clintonites. She's a hard knocking filly (the only one in the race) who's done everything she's been asked to do against the girls and is now going up against the boys. Her trainer's a colorful ex-cowboy who likes to ride his own horses in thier morning workouts--he's easy to pick out with his long stirrups and chaps. She's breaking from the middle of the pack and will have to power through a lot of traffic in order to get to the lead but this is one determined girl and if she can break through she's gonna take it all the way to the convention--er I mean the wire.

Colonel John
Alright, not many McCain supporters here, but lurking Republicans, this one's for you. The Santa Anita Derby winner's never been worse than second. Sort of written off in the early picks, observers say that this horse looks sharp, is training like monster and could win the whole thing. Critics say that he's never raced on real dirt and chould be vulnerable but these days he looks pretty damn good. Look for him to let the front runners duke it out and then sweep in to pick up the pieces.

Not satisfied with these choices--here's a few more.

Big Truck
So you don't want to back a horse owned by some rich dude who never worked a day in his life. How about a New York bred horse owned by a guy from Queens who travels to the track with about 90 pals from his old high school? That working class enough for you? To add to that, the trainer's Barclay Tagg, the veteran horseman who shocked the racing world a few years ago by winning the Derby and Preakness with a New York bred gelding named Funny Cide who was also owned by a bunch of working class guys. By the way, Funny Cide himself plays a small part in this story. Retired last year, Funny Cide, like many other ex-atheletes, has gone into coaching. He's now a stable pony. Barclay and Funny Cide can often be found on the Belmont track together at the crack of dawn, the Kentucky Derby winner casting a critical eye over his young charges. "Don't you talk back to me, kid, by your age I'd won the Kentucky Derby, the Preakness and would have won the damn Triple Crown if it hadn't been for my *&#@ jockey." If he wins, Big Truck's owner will be donating some of the proceeds to ReRun, a rescue group which finds homes for ex race horses.

Denis of Cork
Kucinich fans. This horse just got in under the wire when another horse with more earnings dropped out. His Irish trainer's as cute as a leprechaun--kind of like Kuchinch. Don't count him out, though, this Denis has a real shot.

Visionaire
Are you the sentimental type who likes to see the good guys win? Of course you are, you're a Democrat. Well Michael Matz the Olympic medalist who pulled a couple of kids out of a burning plane some years before training the magnificent but ill-fated Barbaro to a Kentucky Derby win, is back with a very nice horse named Visionaire. Visionaire also has a favorite charity--sorry I forgot what it is--but rest assured, it is a worthy cause.