Reply #6: The lawyers already have this [View All]

[nichomachus]

with domestic partnerships in CA, which have to go through the same divorce process as regular marriages.

I can't speak for the numbers in relation to hetero marriages, but many of the ones I've seen -- I worked in divorce court until recently -- tend to be really bitter.

One reason is that a lot of gay people went into the registered partnerships to make a political point or without thinking through the ramifications. They didn't realize that their boyfriend or girlfriend, once partnered, was automatically entitled to half their assets or half their business. Many of the relationships tended to be asymmetrical in terms of financial resources -- one was established and well off and the other was not. Some did it as a lark, and ended up fighting for things they had worked years for.

One factor is that for the domestic partnership, all you had to do was sign a paper and send a check in to the state. So, it seemed like a cool thing to do.

This is why I caution people who want to rush to CA to get married to think things through -- I'm not saying don't do it -- just be aware that breaking the relationship up (and it happens) is 100 times harder than getting into it, even for hetero people. The amount and complexity of the paperwork for even a routine divorce is daunting. Where there are assets or children involved, it can be very time consuming and expensive.

I don't know how many clients I worked with told me the exact same thing: If it was as hard to get married as it is to get divorced, you wouldn't see so many people getting married.

ON EDIT: And "amicable divorces" are like unicorns. They sound beautiful, but I've never seen one. Actually, I've seen a few -- amicable divorced not unicorns -- but they are extremely rare, even when they start out that way.