Reply #22: boundaries [View All]

[Why Syzygy]

not barriers. Small detail. Some of our mothers don't have boundaries and think we should not either. I have freaked out at my mother a couple of times. Once she put her cold hands on my back under my sweater and I came unglued. Sometimes her 90 thousand questions start and now I give my newer, briefer and calmer version of *that's my boundary* and move away quickly! I won't speak with her if she continues to shove.

You've gotten great support here. I'm so sorry this is so difficult. It's very complicated. It's a very good thing that you have been shoring up your spirituality and absorbing all the good vibes you can.

Does she have anything to occupy her time other than tv? Does she like to knit or can you get her to journal? She needs things to keep her interested with less time to worry. Does she have a wheel chair? If not, please ask your local freecycle and craigslist right away. You might also want one of those potty on wheels which my grandmother had. Are your bathrooms handicap equipped? You might qualify for financial assistance to have that done. I think all bath tubs should have hand rails. Do you have a handicap parking permit? There may be other items that are easily obtainable that will make both of your lives less victimized.

These agencies are specifically for care givers. You need a support network.

http://www.caregiver.org/caregiver/jsp/home.jsp
http://www.nfcacares.org/index.cfm

You've got some great suggestions up thread. Would you now be able to try Rescue Remedy with her? It would help you too. I used to have paralyzing panic attacks and phobias and it helped me every time. Also, I would make sure she gets plenty of hydration. That's important for mental issues and her joints. I've been told that gatorade mixed 1/2 with water is better than just one or the other for rehydration. Increase plain water intake too. I also read that lecithin helps with hydration. I'm trying it. It's cheap enough. You can bless the water to be wholly healing for her and of course is the perfect vehicle for RR, even though I've put it under my tongue many times.

Another thing that intuitively comes to mind is to get her to breathe deeply. Anxiety is trapped in the stomach or chest and we hold our breaths. When you do go to her room, maybe the two of you can do some deep breathing exercises. And if you tuck her in at night, that would be a good way to help her relax. It cannot but help you feel better too.

When my grandmother was hospitalized for gall bladder surgery, it was late one night. My mother and I were there but GM wouldn't go to sleep until she got another pain pill! She wasn't allowed any more pain pills that night, so I suggested my mother give her a tic tac. So that's what we did. GM thought it was the pill, took it, closed her eyes and went right to sleep!

Yes, the mind is more powerful than we even imagine I suspect. Some people never choose to be as well as they can be. We don't really know how to. Would she be open to listening to something online? Mona Lisa Schulz is an intuitive medical doctor. http://www.hayhouseradio.com/index.php requires email registration to access the archives, but it's worth it. Here's a couple your mom might like >

Air Date: September 13, 2006, 1:00 pm - 2:00 pm PST
Calling All Angels: Using Spirituality and Meaning to Treat Anxiety and Nervousness
Faith is the antidote to fear. It’s no wonder that the brain area for anxiety is also critical for spirituality. Learn to access your unique spirituality so you can feel safe in this often anxiety-provoking world.

Air Date: August 29, 2007, 1:00 pm - 2:00 pm PST
Waiting on the World to Change: Worry, Anxiety, and Intuitive Distractibility
Are you always "worried sick" about the numerous crises in the lives of your family and friends? Your constant worry and anxiety about everyone’s problems causes your health to nosedive and makes you lose control of your life. Learn Dr. Mona Lisa’s steps for taking control of your anxious intuition before your health gets out of control.

I hope you let us help support you during this time. I think about you and your mom a lot already, and will continue to do so.

edit: I forgot to add this HH radio program that would be addressed to you (I can't put the links because you have to be logged in to access this part of the site) >

Air Date: January 2, 2008, 1:00 pm - 2:00 pm PST
The End is Near: Staying Healthy While Caring for a Sick Loved One
Are you a perpetual caregiver? Intuition and empathy may help you become very nurturing and caring, but unfortunately you're also emotionally and physically sensitive to others' suffering. Join Dr. Mona Lisa as she teaches you how to be medically intuitive and caring but avoid burnout.