We disabled Dems take great interest in all progressive issues [View All]

[DemBones DemBones]

but the non-disabled Dems/progressives don't take much interest in our issues. Since we have limitations that they don't, we could really use their help with our issues. How do we win their support?

My hypothesis is that the non-disabled are made nervous by us because we're a reminder of the fragility of health. They don't want to believe that they could find themselves suffering from something that doesn't just go away (like a cold), something that can't be fixed right up by trying the right doctor/ diet/ herb/ medication. I think that's why they feel compelled to tell us about what they are sure will be the right doctor/ diet/ herb/ medication to cure us. However much we may appreciate their concern, their attempt to help, we suspect that it also belies their suspicion that we just aren't trying hard enough to get well, and an underlying message to shut up and go off somewhere and heal.

The disabled know that disability ends a lot of marriages and friendships as well as careers. Sometimes the disabled person wants an end to a marriage, friendship, or career but all too often the spouse, friend, or employer wants to be rid of the now disabled, imperfect person. We are very often seen as a burden. We must be careful not to complain too much, try not to show it if we are in pain, just go on with our lives as if nothing had happened (impossible, of course, but we're supposed to pretend to do it.)

In online communities, we soon learn our issues are not given as much importance as anyone else's issues. Post a thread about a disability issue and it will sink. It's stylish to be GLBT, dark-skinned or ethnic, but there is no cripple chic.

We don't want to talk about disability all the time because it isn't all we are. But it is a big part of who we are and people don't want to acknowledge it. We need other people to understand what it's like for us, and how they could help us, but we don't want to be pigeonholed as "disabled" as if that excluded all other categories. Perhaps it's a bit like being black. People of color want others to realize what they're up against and to support them in their struggles, but they don't always want to be referred to as "my black friend."

How do we get the non-disabled to understand us? How do we get them to support our causes? Can they ever regard one of us as just a friend, not "my disabled friend"?