It's mental breakdown Wednesday on the Kerry group [View All]

[LittleClarkie]

I've been in a funk since Sunday.

I was going to a group bible study with a woman I've known and camped with for years. Off and on she will say things that bother me. This was one of those days.

I was telling her about a kid in my Sunday School who was taking First Communion class with the rest of the kids. The pastor let these 7 year olds sample the wine so they'd know what it tasted like. The other kids took tentative sips, while this one little boy downed it and then slammed the empty cup onto the rail like he was doing a shot.

At this point in the story, my friend asked "Did you teach him that?"

I babbled something about "Just because I drink once occasionally..."

"Occasionally?!"

Well, since my dad got sick, I have developed a tendancy to drink more than I used to. Even cracked up my car. She knows about this, but she has her father's tendancy to assume she knows more than she does, and also her father's tendancy to make remarks that tear at a person's self-esteem. Ironically, she talked about her father's thoughtless remarks during Bible Study that night. I silently thought to myself, "You are your father's daughter."

Anyway, we continued on our way to the study, with me still lamely trying to defend myself, when she suddenly asked me what the number of the house was. I finished my sentance, then told her. We'd already sailed past the house, so I commented on that, to which she replied "Well, if you hadn't been blathering on when I asked you for the number." So, now I'm blathering and I'm a lush who teaches 7 year olds how to do shots. Great.

It's upsetting me no end. I don't know if I have a drinking problem so much as this pub being my only social outlet. It's a Cheers sort of place, and the regulars are all relatively intelligent and about my age. We scream about politics and other topics. But the fact does remain that I do drink more since everything that happened with my dad. I never did this stuff when most people did it, right out of high school. I lived at home, for one thing. So when dad went into the nursing home, I was suddenly free to do whatever the hell I wanted.

I've had a couple of hairy moments, rather like a 40 year old college student, but I've been getting more sane since the pressure has been off dad-wise. None of which my non-drinking Baptist friend seems to realize. She's a black/white thinking Conservative as well, so that doesn't help.

She often jokes that I am her only friend. Sometimes I can see where perhaps that's not a joke. She can be quite intelligent, but she can also be quite an asshat.

I just needed to vent to somebody I guess. I hope you all don't mind. See Elshiva, you're not the only one with marble "issues."