Reply #22: I keep my contact very minimal [View All]

[riderinthestorm]

In my family, it's my mother and one brother in law who are as hard core Rethug as can be PLUS they have all the other lovely attributes that go along with that: racism, bigotry, hatred towards immigrants etc. etc.

I limit my phone calls to my mom to just once/week, I only see my brother in law a couple times/year at family gatherings for major holidays.

It's hard because I feel a sense of obligation to my mom, to stay in touch but she makes it pretty difficult. She doesn't "approve" of what I do (I'm a farmer and that's embarrassing for her that I have such a "pathetic" career), she hates my extracurricular activities (a range of progressive causes: I help at our local food bank, help at my kids' schools, write grants for land conservation agencies and women's shelters, help at political campaigns etc.), she hates my atheism etc. In short, I have structured my life around a range of activities that define my politics and my liberal beliefs. It makes it hard to have a conversation with her since we have virtually nothing in common even if we do stay away from politics. Our relationship is a hollow shell of banalities exchanged for 5 minutes each week and that's it otherwise we quickly move into a truly ugly zone.

My brother in law works to provoke me every time we are together. At family events, aside from sitting and eating the main meal together, I try to physically stay as far away from him as possible. He follows me with the most abusive and foul rants. These gatherings happen at my mother's house and since it's her party, and she just watches it all with amusement, I grow infuriated each time. This last Christmas I told my husband that I was never going to spend another holiday with him/her again. I am through.