"My Buk About I-Rak" by G.W. Bush [View All]

[NanceGreggs]

Speculation about GWB’s threat intention to write a book about the “true story of Iraq” was fueled today when a handwritten “story outline” and chapter breakdown was found abandoned on a seat of the Staten Island ferry.

While White House insiders refused to comment on the authenticity of the document, astute “journalists” across the nation are expected to opine within the next twenty-four hour news cycle.

The document is reproduced below:

Chapter One: “Cheney, Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz, ekstetra, explain to me that I-rak is a countrie, and not something you downlode songs to. After showing me a map to prove it, I am finally convinced.”

Chapter Too: “Dick & gang explane how we can talk the US of A into going to war in I-rak by saying they have WMDs. Dick also explanes to me that this is not a actual word, but is initials for Weapons of Mass Destruckshun, and I shouldn’t pronounce it on TV as “whimdahs” cause people might think I’m dum.”

Chapter Tree: “Colon Power agrees to tell the UN that I-rak has lots of tubes that you get left with when you used up all your aluminum foil, and how they can be made into mobile chemical labs.”

Chapter For: “I get to tell the countrie that Al Kyda (who, I understand, is a very bad muslin) tried to buy yellow cake mix from Afrika. I am quik to realize that Al plans to make a cake and hide a knife in it like from those old prison movies in a attempt to excape justice, and warn my fellow cidisens accordingly.”

Chapter Five: “Dick comes up with the name of Shock ‘n Awe, which is too good a slogan not to be used when your beating the crap outta somebody, so we invade I-rak just so it won’t go to waste.”

Chapter Sex: “Dick explanes to me how we should give no-bid contracts to Halle Burton, who obviously didn’t make as much money from winning an Oscar for “Monster’s Ball” as Id been led to believe.”

Chapter Several: “Rumsfeld explanes how torturin’ I-raks is just like that “college hazing” stuff that made me cry, throw-up, and shit my pants in skool. Dick explanes to me that if we don’t show dead solders on TV, no one will ever know anybody got kilt. Karl says that if I’m good, I can dress up in a uniform and land on an air kraft carryer wearing stuff that makes my dick look big. This war is gonna be grate!”

This is where the document ends. Apparently, outlines for Chapters Ate through Eleventy-Seven are not yet available, as the pRedisent’s closest advisors are still busily making shit up.

The “buk” is slated for a spring 2010 release. Crayolas sold separately; coloring outside the lines is now, according to a recent signing statement, a federal offence punishable by life imprisonment in Gitmo and a $300,000,000,000.11 fine.

Proceeds from the buk will be donated to fund the building of the George W. Bush Offishul Liberry.