Reply #23: i never take abuse, and i never take anything false. i refuse, cause that is as harmful, [View All]

[seabeyond]

imo, as it is to ignore or dismiss what is happening within. again, we agree, lol. BUT i can understand and validate the pain that a person is feeling to the whole of a group. the thing, when an atheist, lets say... rants and raves at ALL christians for the abuse that our group, be it small but loud and effective in power, i do not return fire at that person, trying to protect or defend myself or religion. i dont get offended by the persons anger. i can understand it. and in love (the true christian way) i can validate the persons anger. that alone heals.... that person, i have found. just to have what they feel validated.

IF i chose to take it as a personal attack and go to defend or dismiss or deny the person by saying ya, well it isn't me, all i have done is frustrated the person and given them the feel they are not heard. in essence, validate their feelings.

once you get to the point of validating the persons feelings, then conversation and healing can begin.

i deal with this a lot with the males in my family. they are ALL respectful of women. truly love, appreciate and do feel women are equal. BUT i teach my sons, by them keeping their mouth shut among their male friends, they are condoning and escalating the disrespect and denigration of women as surely as doing it themselves.

as white males they have told me that blacks have been bigoted to them. that they have tried to be friendly and blacks dont like them simply cause they are white.

i dont let boys get away with this. i then talk to them about how (especially in our racist white area) the blacks in this community feel about the white population as a whole and why it is understandable for them to feel as they do. it is validating the feeling as a whole, regardless of the individual. my boys having a better understanding dont take it so personally and are able to make better inroads in understanding with the black community (real small in their all white school).

it is taking all this away from battle. not a need to win. not a them against us. but an insistence of win win win....