Sears, Kmart Want To Call Layoffs 'Head Count Changes'

[UpInArms]

http://www.ksat.com/money/3928648/detail.html

Some of that will be in job cuts, though the companies aren't saying how many. In fact, they're shy about using the term "job cuts." Or "layoffs." Or "terminations."

The preferred turn of phrase is "head count changes."

Whatever they're called, a brand consultant said the reductions could create a public relations problem for the companies.

"Does that mean there's going to be a lot of pink slips for Christmas?" asks Linda Kaplan Thaler, who runs an advertising and marketing firm. "That's a bad thing."

<snip>

Lampert said it's unlikely any Sears stores will be converted to Kmarts. He also said store closings are a possibility, but isn't providing details about possible layoffs.

...more...

[MrUnderhill]

1. Oh.... ok then. I guess that makes it alright.

I thought there might be layoffs.... but as long as you call it something else... what's the problem?

[jdj]

6. gee, such warm and cuddly terminology

you are not a human, you are just a head, and the number on your head is no longer needed.

[Sin]

9. Yea huh

In other news Sears-mart has issued a new dress code policy
all employees of Sears-mart must wear 1 or more large cowbells around there neck. Branding with the SM logo is optional.

Why don't they just skip the nice talk and just start calling them mass culling.

[cliss]

23. LOL Funny post.

Here's a new terminology that Bush can use to avoid being called a "Job killer". They can now call it "diverson". You're being diverted from your job to something new. Or "retraining". Your new job will be to fill out unemployment forms and turn them in on time so you can collect 3/4 of your former pay.

Maybe redistricting?

[ydya]

27. And we should all quit whining about getting screwed by the neocons...we

are just getting anal diameter changes.
Fucking pigs. How about they all have breathing pattern changes (drop dead) and hurry to their ambient temperature change environment (burn in hell).

[liberal N proud]

2. Anything to make the economy look better for the repuke in cheif

This is more bushshit

[cubsfan forever]

3. If it looks like a duck

walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck...
Corporations should spend more time trying to figure out how to keep workers on than coming up with stupid phrases for laying them off.
:puke:

Professor 2

[demnan]

4. Duckspeak

[FlashHarry]

5. My favorite: "Optimized"

Boss: Bill, your job has been optimized.

Bill: Really? Great! I mean, that must be great--after all, "optimized" is a really positive word, right? Awesome!

[grilled onions]

7. head count to the negative

How long did it take the genius's behind close doors to think of that one? What next? Staff taking a slide? Worker population going "enemic" ? No matter what they name it the losers will still be out in the cold wondering what to do next. It will not get you in a better line at the unemployment office when they ask you if you have been layed off and you quip "I was part of a head count change".

[elehhhhna]

8. 80's flashback " Rightsizing". We called it Circumcising.

[arwalden]

10. And Our Upcoming Draft Will Be Called "Targeted Skills Recruitment"

it's all about the PACKAGING... never mind the reality of what's inside.

[BlueManDude]

16. "Clear Skies Initiative" "Defense of Marriage Act" n/t

[Unstuck In Time]

11. The word "layoff" itself is a euphamism.

It used to mean you were being let go temporarily until, say, orders picked up at the factory where you work.

Somehow it came to be used for all terminations: "You're fired. You ain't comin' back."

Ah, the power of language. Shape the terms, shape the reality.

[SheepyMcSheepster]

12. Freedom Vacations!

[byronm]

13. This is sad news - however i'm happy walmart has more competition

I love target, and i have high hopes of Kmart/Sears putting some competition back into the market. i'm not sure about Kmart but i know sears treats its employees MUCH better than wally world and i hope that carries over and continues.

[noamnety]

20. Neither Walmart or K-Sears will get my business

Lampert, the man behind this, donated to Bush.
Sears gives 76% to republicans.

[KDLarsen]

14. Sort of like..

.. Flipping hamburgers at the local Wendy's should be considered a manufactuing job, right?

[BlueManDude]

15. can I call my mortgage a "voluntary contribution"? n/t

[annabanana]

17. "staff 'right-sizing'"........

I know when they shrunk the Coke bottle from 2 liters to, 1.75..They called it "right-sizing".

disingenuous P'sOS (Pieces of sh*t?....POSs? Piece of Sh*ts?)

[Strawman]

18. How about "family shattering revenue enhancements?"

Assholes. If you have to fire people, at least have the decency to call it firings or job losses. Acknowledge there has been a loss at very least.

[fob]

29. Per bush*co approved language, this will be a "catastrophic success"!!

[DS1]

19. Market Driven Payroll Fluctuations anyone?

:eyes:

[Blue Diadem]

21. in the early 80's

part-time people working for S*s were known as 1/2 people. I was a 1/2 person back then. They didn't have to pay 1/2 people insurance benefits. They could work a 1/2 person 40 hrs a week, for so many weeks in a row, cut your hours back a week to 30 or below, then go back to 40 hrs..that way you would never be considered a "full-timer".

I used to think it was just the way management refered to us until I saw it in print. 1.5 people ran our dept., 2 and (2).5 people ran the dept. next to us.

*sigh* I was inside/outside sales, so DOL laws considered me exempt from overtime rules. My 1/2 person status required me to avg. 50 hrs a week.

I'm betting that's why they say "head count". Probably too many 1/2 people working there.

[Cocoa]

22. this is Pentagon-caliber euphemism

:toast:

[Az_lefty]

24. the big investors made a lot of money in this deal...

but the employees get screwed...Typical.BTW, around here they call layoff's "Resource Actions".

[w4rma]

25. Off with their heads. (nt)

[Chovexani]

26. FUCK SEARS

They laid me off three years ago when the district manager decided my department needed to be split up, for no fucking reason whatsoever. Management was a fucking joke and was completely deaf to the needs of the workers. I was a commission associate and the damn janitors made more than I did because of our continual stock problems...but management was always on our asses to sell those stupid "Maintenance Agreements" for big ticket items in our department because the managers got a HUGE cut out of each one sold, way more than we did...

We needed Michael Moore in that damn place, I swear to god...I won't even walk PAST a Sears now. :argh:

[michaelwb]

28. And then

By that logic, we can call the casualities in Iraq - body part re-allocations. That's better isn't it! Gheesh!