Norman: Pat Robertson's Screwtape Letters

[RamboLiberal]

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/05238/560308.stm

We have no intention of explaining how excerpts from letters between a loathsome hell-spawn known as Lord Stinkblossom the Eternal Karlrovian and Pat Robertson, a minor religious functionary doing everything he can to ascend to Hell's upper echelon with both his virtue and hypocrisy intact, fell into our hands. We must protect our sources.

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"Fortunately for us, no one in Christendom takes Jesus' statements about murder seriously, anyway. Remember that part in the Gospel of Matthew where Jesus says that anger at one's brother qualifies as murder in God's eyes, too? What a drama queen, eh? How are you going to fight a war on terrorism with bad advice like that floating around? Blessed be the sharpshooters, for they shall inherit the kingdom of oil!

"Nice touch with your initial denial-denial, too, Pat. In lying about whether you used the word 'assassination' in the original broadcast calling for Chavez's murder, you sidestepped the dictum 'Thou shalt not bear false witness.' As old Beelzebub says, 'If you're going to lie -- and we heartily recommend it -- then you might as well lie boldly.'

"Sure, they'll catch your duplicity on videotape, but no one cares about little fibs in a world full of abortion, gay sex and Islamic militancy. You covered up nicely by telling the media vultures your words were misinterpreted and that you were actually calling for Chavez to be kidnapped. You brought a lot of dishonor to the gospel by compounding your lie, Pat. Again, Lucifer salutes your ingenuity.