Funny: Senate Ethics Committee to Meet in New Ethics Committee Mansion

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The Onion: WASHINGTON, DC—In the wake of several major lobbying scandals, the Senate Select Committee on Ethics announced Tuesday that it will hold a special series of intensive sessions inside its recently completed 200-room Ethics Mansion.

"In this time of rampant corruption, it is essential that we have a sufficiently lavish setting in which to enforce laws that ensure the integrity of public officials," said committee member Sen. Mark Pryor (D-AR), wearing a gold-lined cashmere robe donated by pharmaceutical lobbyists.

The mansion, a sprawling neo-Gothic manor located on 4,500 acres just off Maryland's Chesapeake Bay, was completed last month. Adorned with gold plumbing fixtures and 16th-century Flemish tapestries, the estate boasts three tennis courts, two Olympic-size swimming pools, nearly a dozen hot tubs, both dry and wet saunas, a massage center and day spa, an 18-hole golf course, a helipad, and the only erotica-themed topiary garden on the East Coast.

Committee members say the isolated environment allows them to tackle weighty ethical issues without the distractions, temptations, and conflicts of interest that pervade Washington culture.

"When one needs to ruminate on, say, improper gift-giving to government officials by corporations or corrupt foreign officials, it's in the public interest to do so in a quiet retreat," said chairman of the ethics committee Sen. George Voinovich (R-OH), sitting in an overstuffed leather armchair provided by the Ohio Beef Council. "Ideally with an 83-year-old scotch and a good Cuban cigar in hand."

Due to the rigor of the extended sessions, several members of the ethics committee have sequestered themselves in the Ethics Mansion's private suites, where they are isolated from their families and assisted only by the mansion's staff of well-trained servants.

Certain wings of the mansion were designed to remind senators of the significance of their duties.

"If we want to contemplate the role of religion in secular politics, we have a beautiful, gold-trimmed private chapel in which to do so, kindly provided by the Boston diocese of the Catholic Church," Sen. Ken Salazar (D-CO) said.

More at:
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/45365

[aquart]

1. The Onion.

I really, really hate being trapped into wasting time on satire when I want news.

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2. Disagree

I'm a media person, so I have to read news day and night to keep up. A good satire like this, the Daily Show or the Colbert Report is a welcome relief!

[Kagemusha]

3. I think he means not being told it's satire beforehand

Being sucked into reading just because something looks weird and then turns out to simply be fake need not agree with everyone.

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4. Thought I was clear

enough on that. Mea Culpa. Unfortunately, it's too late to edit, DU is blocking me.