Do whites need training before parenting black children?

[BigDaddy44]

Source: Associated Press

NEW YORK (AP) -- Several leading child welfare groups Tuesday urged an overhaul of federal laws dealing with transracial adoption, arguing that black children in foster care are ill-served by a "colorblind" approach meant to encourage their adoption by white families.

"Color consciousness -- not 'color blindness' -- should help to shape policy development," the report said.

At issue is the 1994 Multi-Ethnic Placement Act -- and revisions made to it in 1996 -- governing the adoption of children from foster care.

One part of the law directs state agencies to recruit more adoptive parents of the same race as the children. The new report says this provision hasn't been adequately enforced and calls for better funded efforts to recruit minority parents.



Read more: http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/wayoflife/05/27/tranracial.adoption.ap/index.html

[BlooInBloo]

1. They're fucking PEOPLE for fuck's sake.

God - white folks really do think black folks are like Martians are something.


EDIT: Subject typo.

[Dr. Strange]

3. It's not just white folks:

Groups endorsing its proposals included the North American Council on Adoptable Children, the Child Welfare League of America, the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption and the National Association of Black Social Workers.

Don't know what the hell the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption is doing weighing in on this, though.

[BlooInBloo]

9. No it's not, but the NABSW's point is completely different...

As I found out by looking them up. Thanks for pointing it out!

http://www.nabsw.org/mserver/PreservingFamilies.aspx

[noamnety]

19. I don't think that's the issue exactly.

I don't think it's directly related to raising the kids themselves. Kids are kids. I suspect it's more to do with dealing with all the baggage the rest of society brings into your family, coping with other people's bigotry and understanding cultural influences and biases. We may personally within our family think colorblindness has arrived, but we need to be aware that the rest of the world isn't like that so we can help kids navigate those hurdles (without us being dismissive of them).

If you think about how many men don't understand harassment that women deal with on a daily basis, I think it's kind of like that. Maybe it's training in understanding white privilege. When the white privilege list gets posted on DU for instance, many people are dismissive of that. They just don't get that there are real issues black people face - not because black people are "martians" - but because much of white America treats them as though they are.

People who have a good background in diversity and racial relations may not need the training. But I'm willing to bet a whole lot of them could benefit from it. Heck, I think people would benefit from it even if they aren't adopting. http://seamonkey.ed.asu.edu/~mcisaac/emc598ge/Unpacking.html

You'd be surprised how thick some people are, including those who think they are "colorblind" or otherwise enlightened. One fellow teacher advised me to just stay away from any literature with minorities, that way I don't need to worry about accidentally offending the black kids in my room with material that's insensitive. She considers herself colorblind - so colorblind that white is the only color she exposes her students to, and she doesn't see the problem there.

[Doityourself]

22. Great Post.

[BlooInBloo]

28. I will amend on one thing...

Black kids aren't like fucking martians... any more than all other kids are.

:P

[Doityourself]

39. No, they're not martians..they can be little devils though..like all kids of all colors..

:P lol

[patrick t. cakes]

63. as the father of an eight year old

i can honestly say all kids are goofy little martians...

as they should be :)

[Warpy]

26. Actually, this is the black folks thinking white folks are the Martians,

and to a certain extent, they're right. Our cultures are very different.

The truth is that black kids adopted by white families do start having a hard time in junior high, much harder than if they'd been adopted by a black family. That's when the peak of conformity hits, and they discover that their learned culture is against them with black kids and their color is against them with white kids. They just don't seem to fit anywhere.

It's then that they start needing strong and positive black role models in addition to their adoptive parents. Eventually they'll figure out where they belong in the world, role models or not, but the involvement of people who can help them navigate a tough time can make it easier to take.

Trans racial adoption shouldn't be ended, but the prospective parents do need to be counseled about what their kids are going to need in their later childhood and early teenage years. "A kid is a kid" is a great ideal and most adoptive parents can live up to it, but kids from one culture who are brought up in another have some special needs they just can't meet during the transition from kid to adult.

[notadmblnd]

44. As a woman who married a black man (till death we did part) and had his

child, I have to say.. I just don't get it. We knew each other well and outside of coming from different geographic areas of the country, (he was from the south and I'm a northerner) there was very little "culturally" that was different. We ate the same meals (with utensils), slept in a regular bed, practiced the same hygiene rituals (ok, I thought the brushing his teeth in the shower was a little wierd), was raised in the same religion, and had the same morals, values, hopes and dreams as anyone else we've ever know whether they were black, brown, yellow, red, white or blue.

Our son (now 15, despite the loss of his dad),appears so far, to be a healthy, normal teenager. We're not destitute, we don't live in squalor and we speak up when other express their racist views. We've spent a lot of time talking about bigotry and prejudice and how horrible people can be to each other.

So please, could you elaborate on these cultural differences that white people need to be educated on? Oh, and could you also give me some clue as to how I went wrong, because from your post, my son should be angry, confused, isolated, and suffer from poor self esteem.

No, he's not adopted, but I'm a white woman raising a non-white child.

[tidy_bowl]

66. Thank you....

....exactly my point. The kids have no baggage except that which is forced upon him/her by others on BOTH sides of this issue.

[happydreams]

47. FYI: A sweeping generalization that prejudges white people.

:eyes:

[Born Free]

48. deleted

[Ecumenist]

62. Thank you, oh thank you Bloo!!

I am a black woman married to a white man and I have NEVER understood why people make such a difference where it comes to bloack children. the only real training that needs to take place is taking care of the hair properly and teaching them about themselves. That's really all there is to it IMHO.

[BlooInBloo]

69. :)

[ccharles000]

2. If the child is raised in a loving house I don't think race would matter.

[Fresh_Start]

4. Personally I've seen lots of people that need parenting classes

and that includes natural parents not just adopted parents.

[tctctctc]

5. WTF has happened to common sense? Hello?

Anybody considering adoption of any child should always give the child a sense of roots, culture and genealogy...it's just common sense.

You don't need a stupid class...god, pretty soon we'll be seeing Govt agencies coming into the home to check on how you're diarpering you baby!

geeeeez

[sinkingfeeling]

6. If it's a little girl, then yes. I've had to go up to complete strangers and ask them what hair

products I need for my grandchild! She is biracial and has hair problems I've never dreamt about!

[Doityourself]

10. I had an employee that adopted a biracial child and she asked me the same thing..what products to

use for her hair..

I took her to the store and showed her, after I met her adopted daughter. She thought I would be offended, I told her no way, I applaud her.

[sinkingfeeling]

29. I met a lovely woman the last time and she spent about a half hour helping me select

the most gentle products to use on a 2 year old.

[Lance_Boyle]

7. suggested training:

BET is now airing reruns of "Diff'rent Strokes" weekdays.

Whatchoo talkin' 'bout "several leading child welfare groups?"

[Goblinmonger]

8. OK, I'll probably get bashed for this, but here goes

I'm white. If I were going to raise a black child, there would be a little voice in the back of my head that would wonder if I was going to be correctly/adequately preparing them for the life of racial bullshit that they are going to face. Additionally, will they know enough of their heritage/culture from me that they will be accepted into "black" culture? I know there are plenty of whites that will hate them; I wouldn't want them to feel disconnected from their own "color."

[Doityourself]

11. I think a child that is considered a minority in the dominant culture should be exposed to their

ethnic culture, regardless of who adopts them.

[BlooInBloo]

12. Um, I'm not certain, but I'm pretty sure that being black isn't the same as being in hell.

[Doityourself]

13. Depends on which black person you ask...lol

[Goblinmonger]

15. No, really?

Are you telling me that my experiences as a white male in this society are the same as blacks? I might be wrong, but I don't think so. You don't think it is a valid concern (note that I never said whites shouldn't be able to adopt blacks) that the child be prepared for what they are to face? You think I could do that just because I love the kid or might I need some help understanding the experience?

[BlooInBloo]

16. Yes, really.

[Goblinmonger]

18. Good to know that we have true racial equality in the US

Nothing more to work on that regard.

[BlooInBloo]

23. You sound like a 2-dimensional thinker in a 3-dimensional world...

There's a LOT of space between "true racial equality" and "the life of racial bullshit that they are going to face."

It's just a rumor, but I've heard there's a black person or two who has led a very happy life with shitty racist stuff interspersed at various points.

It's just a rumor, though.

[Goblinmonger]

31. Please point to me where I said they couldn't be happy.

I said that I might not prepare them for what they may encounter because I don't have the same background experiences. Yeah, that sounds like I am saying that every black person has led a shitty life and is constantly angry. Saying there is "racial bullshit" out there is just a statement of fact. Unless you think it isn't true, in which case, please enlighten me.

[CJCRANE]

33. I think that's a good point.

If the kid does encounter racism then obviously a black parent might be more likely to notice than a "color-blind" one. It would be helpful for a white parent to have some information or guidelines on how to deal with that situation.

[CJCRANE]

14. Training - no, information - yes nt

[Goblinmonger]

17. interesting distinction

I guess, my post above is assuming they are the same.

[CJCRANE]

Kids are kids...

if the adoption agency assumes you know how to bring up kids then I don't think you'd need "training". But I think you would need some information about the kid's ethnic background and be able to pass some of that onto them especially if it was obvious the kid wasn't "white".

IMO the adoptive parents should bring the kid up in their own culture but let the kid know where (s)he's from so they have the choice to learn more if they want to.

[kiranon]

37. Agree. Adoptive mom of two children.

[Freddie Stubbs]

20. I think that ALL parents need training before parenting ANY children

[slackmaster]

30. What Freddie said!

:argh:

[mainegreen]

21. As opposed to what? Keeping them in foster care?

I highly doubt that will improve their chances in life.

Most people who are willing to go out of their way and deal with the process of adopting a child and passing the screening should be able to, and are more than likely dedicated enough, to take the time to raise a child right, no matter the parents' or child's race.

[Doityourself]

24. I don't think anyone is saying it's about race..and not being able to adopt because of it n/t

[mainegreen]

25. As long as it doesn't keep kids in faster care any longer than otherwise would be.

I'm sure most potential parents would sit through another training class no problem.

[Mojorabbit]

32. I could not adopt

an african american child in the 80's because I was white. There were no white children available. They were discouraging it back then. I was willing to take an older child but they said no. Meanwhile the foster homes were filled to the brim with children.

[Doityourself]

40. Well, that sucks! Glad, we've made progress on this issue..

[noonwitch]

27. No-as someone who works in the FC system, that's not necessary

There are hair and skin care issues that come up, but unless the foster parents have no friends or associates who are black, that can be addressed.

Mainly, the issue is braiding little girls' hair. We have workers who will go out in those situations to help, but this is Detroit, where we have salons that specialize in black children's hair.

This issue comes up every decade or so-when I was a new worker, we only placed black children with black foster parents, and vice versa, unless there was a special reason. It didn't work and it wasn't fair. It led to a disproportionate number of black kids in residential placements, instead of family homes. There are already more black children in the foster care system than there are black foster parents. It is better for those children to be in a home with white foster parents than in an institution.

[Indenturedebtor]

38. And besides, this comes down to an issue of what matters more - race/culture

Just because you are of a certain race doesn't mean that you more "rightly" belong in a certain culture.

My kids will be raised Jewish, but will be 1/4 Chinese, 1/4 Scotch-Irish, 1/4 Sephardic, 1/4 English. Should we divvy up the week between Neeps and Tatties, Hot Pot, and Gefilte Fish?

I've taken history classes dealing with each culture, and I myself was raised Jewish in America. My wife and I have been to China, and she was raised in your typical American household. Our cultural perspectives will come through of course, and we are both trying to learn each other's heritage language (those software programs out there are amazing... check your local used bookstore), and we will take our kids to both Israel and China.

If they choose to become buddhist, jewish, christian, whatever, and decide to dress differently from us, or play different sports, or have different points of view but they are happy then WHO CARES!!!

Allow me to speak for both of us when I say that we are sick and fucking tired of people telling us where we belong, and how we should think and feel about something. 99% of the time it's someone from another group saying "Well shouldn't you embrace this racial/ethnic stereotype that my ignorant ass thinks all YOU PEOPLE should have?"

Educate kids on the challenges they'll face, whether it be from the ignorance of others or from whatever source. Teach them about their cultural heritage, and about other people's cultural heritage. But this whole idea that kids should be raised in a certain culture because of their race is rediculous in my opinion. This whole assertion that it is "proper" somehow to think feel and act in a certain way because of the color of your skin is racism at it's core.

If we ever want to live in a world where people can freely choose who they want to be without being attacked for not "fitting the mold", then why in the hell should we work against that on the basis of racial "heritage".

Sure - these kids will experience the prejudices in our society in different ways than kids who were raised "racially". But I hardly think that equates to a disadvantage somehow. Embracing this idea is in a way saying that those who would discriminate based on skin color are somehow right to do so.

Fuck this whole idea! :grr:

[AlphaCentauri]

34. There is something wrong viewing and mixing color and culture

I see some reference to colors as culture, but it should not be that way any race or color can belong to any culture, creating subcultures out of colors does not any good to end racism.
Latinos of many colors share the same culture with out a problem.

[Igel]

52. People, even highly educated people, often make that mistake.

You hear comments that kids from a specific country or ethnicity should be raised in "their" culture or they should be "taught" their language.

The latter is silliness.

The former at least can be given a reasonable interpretation: Racism and ethnic prejudices will most likely cause a non-white kid to turn to those in the same ethnic category for comfort, for friendship, and they should have the same cultural underpinnings so they can fit into that group.

Of course, that leads to silliness, too, if taken too far. Which, IMHO, is not very far at all.

[AlphaCentauri]

67. if taken too far it can lead to segregation

[La Lioness Priyanka]

56. african american because of their shared history in this country have a culture

different from other people in this country.

[AlphaCentauri]

68. Not just African Americans, Mexican Americans, Cuban Americans, Italians Americans

have different history, culture and ethnic backgrounds but their color is not the reason to adopt their culture, there are many reasons to adopt a culture and color is not one of them.

[treestar]

35. Oh boy

:popcorn:

Would the reverse be plausible, also, if it happened? (Like to Steve Martin, :rofl:)

[onehandle]

36. Everyone needs parenting skills taught to them period.

Forget the "color issue." Anyone who will have any responsibility for a child (theirs or others) should learn parenting skills.

It should start in High School.

[tritsofme]

55. Who is going to teach them? George Bush's government?

No thanks.

[onehandle]

58. That government is just about over.

Come January, everything changes. Right?

[tritsofme]

59. Say three Hail Marys and throw salt over your shoulder.

I'm old enough to know better than to take anything for granted.

[CubicleGuy]

41. What's good for the goose...

Does this mean that monogamous parents will need parenting lessons prior to taking on the responsability of providing for the FLDS children of polygamous parents?

[oedura]

42. More people need to be trained not to have children in the first place...

...regardless of color.

[orleans]

43. i remember this issue being talked about YEARS ago

and from what i recall, what was at issue was the fact that white families who were adopting black kids were not teaching/addressing their heritage--and the concern was that some black kids would grow up without a sense of black pride/knowledge/history/esteem.

and because of the history of our society (regarding race relations) i can see why this would be of more concern than an italian family adopting a kid with irish heritage.

also, from what i recall--it was a black organization that drew attention to this and was concerned about these kids regarding a lack of cultural heritage.


as much as we might want to think how wonderful a family being colorblind might be, it might feel a bit awkward if you're the one that is obviously different from the rest of the family. it might be nice to have differences acknowledged and appreciated and celebrated. (rather than trying to ignore the differences that--in our society--are never truly ignored)

[Dr. Strange]

45. Here's a position statement from 1972.

http://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~adoption/archive/NabswTRA.htm
There was a big uproar sometime in the late 80s/early 90s too, I believe.

[orleans]

46. i remember, as a young teen, wondering how i would feel

if i was a black kid adopted by a white family
and then, regardless of how i felt, what if that was the only family who would adopt me

(i also remember thinking about "busing" and the pros and cons of that when i was a kid--and how i'd feel if i had to travel an hour to get to school every morning even though i knew i was going to a better school.)



so, yes, i know this discussion has been going on forever

[deadmessengers]

49. Oh, this is such crap.

First, when I pointed this story out to Mrs. Deadmessengers, (Mrs. D is a black woman), the first thing she said was - "The hair." And, she's right - I, as a white man, wouldn't have the first idea how to deal with the very different type and texture of hair that a black child has. Beyond that, neither of us could think of any rational reason for why this would be necessary.

She also made another point - would a single woman (or two lesbians adopting together) have to take similar classes before adopting a boy? Would two gay men adopting together have to take such classes before adopting a girl?

Now, here's a radical suggestion - how about we make it EASIER for people to adopt American children (and no, I'm not talking about imported Chinese vanity babies here). There are thousands of children who are in permanent foster care who have never known the love of a parent - why are we erecting barriers to adoption for them?

I was adopted by my parents. When I was adopted, my dad was a trash collector, working for the NYC Sanitation department. My mom worked as an bookkeeper. Together, they earned about $28,000 (adjusted to 2008 dollars) - they were decidedly lower-middle class, but somehow they managed to adopt not only me, but another baby boy two years later. Now, think about adoptive parents these days - can you imagine a working class family being allowed and being able to afford to adopt two children in 2008? It's almost unthinkable, because the barriers that have been erected are positvely monumental. How about we lower the bar a bit and try to get these kids into the loving homes they deserve? Do the due-diligence to weed out the truly unfit, of course, but for crying out loud there are people out there who want children, and have the ability to love them and provide a home for them.

[Psephos]

51. Great dissection of how this erects barriers to adoption

Mrs. Deadmessengers raises some excellent points, too, about where this kind of indoctrination might lead.

[fed_up_mother]

53. "imported Chinese vanity babies" WTF?

That's a pretty disgusting term, especially considering your own knowledge of the barriers pre-adoptive parents face in this country.

Most people adopt because they want a child - not because they're trying to save the world, and as far as most adopted kids are concerned, that's still the best reason to adopt.

Every person I've known who has adopted from China or another foreign country adopted overseas for two reasons:

1) They wanted a child
2) They wanted a finalized adoption BEFORE BRINGING THE CHILD HOME and falling in love with him/her before the adoption was final.

I watched friends adopt a little African-American boy who was supposedly free to adopt. Three years later, the adoption was finally completed, but this mom almost went bonkers waiting for that adoption to become final. She wondered what would happen to her older kids if their little brother was suddenly removed while he was their foster child. She was scared her own heart would break. Watching her, I know that I couldn't live with that kind of anxiety.

Furthermore, the process here sucks. When you adopt overseas, you get on a list, wait your turn, and then adopt the next available child or get to go and meet a small group of children from which you can adopt.

Here some magical committee considers eligible parents for each child, which means that you can be considered for twenty kids over a couple of years without ever actually getting to the "top of the list." You can wait for a long, long time that way. It's ridiculous.

I've known too many women in the adoption community who simply wanted to become mothers - just like other women. That's motive enough to adopt a child from anywhere imo, and they shouldn't be slammed because they aren't out rescuing the children you think they should be adopting.

By the way, how many children have you rescued from foster care?

[ulysses]

70. interesting point.

She also made another point - would a single woman (or two lesbians adopting together) have to take similar classes before adopting a boy? Would two gay men adopting together have to take such classes before adopting a girl?

We're friends with several gay and lesbian couples who have all adopted.

One lesbian couple, both white, have a mixed-race boy and a white girl, biological half-siblings.

One lesbian couple, one African-American and one white, have two African-American children, boy and girl.

One gay couple, one African-American and one white, have an African-American girl.

None, so far as I know, have taken classes. All are superlative parents.

[Fire_Medic_Dave]

50. They lose foster kids for years only to find them dead.

Yet they have time to train prospective parents. Let make sure we know where all the foster kids are and that they are being taken care of.

David

[La Lioness Priyanka]

54. when you pretend to be color blind all you are really doing is accepting the normative and

prescriptive culture and shoving it down someones throat

to say black people dont have their own culture is belittling. hence if you are parenting a black child it behooves you to have some understanding of african american culture and society

[fed_up_mother]

57. I agree with better training of parents for transracial or cross cultural adoption

but I worry that this will lead to even longer waits for children to become eligible for adoption while looking for the "preferred" black family.

We considered adopting through foster care, but after watching friends take years to finalize their little African American son's adoption, we were scared away. We also had friends who adopted two little Mexican-American siblings, and that adoption process was a nightmare.

[bitchkitty]

60. No, not training - but

they should carefully screen people who want to adopt any child, regardless of race. Most people's motives are pure - others not so pure.

Love doesn't come in colors. Depriving a child of a home because he's not the same shade of flesh tone as the people in that home should be a crime.

[JI7]

61. most important is the kids go to a good home

there will always be issues. there are single white parents who have biological kids with someone of another race and many times the kids look like the darker parent and will be viewed as such in society.

a good parent will consider these things when raising their kids.

but i sure hope they don't ban people from adopting kids just because they happen to be different races.

[eilen]

64. That is ludicrous

Children need love, food and shelter. There are enough mixed racial kids and adults in this country and enough mass media outlets of different types of people as well as community that it is a non-issue, just bullshit political crap. In my neighborhood we have a diverse group, some mixed race families as well as non mixed of almost every main racial group. If someone had an adopted little girl with african type hair, her mother can just go next door and talk to Cynthia and ask her what she uses or ask Jane's stepdaughter. This has been true for at least 30 years. Remember Freddie Prinz the "Hunga-rican"?

What about Korean parents who adopt black children, is that better or worse?

I remember it being an issue with American Indian children mainly because our government took them away from their parents, put them in schools and children's homes and forbid them to speak their native language and be schooled in their native culture. Teaching them English is a good thing but not forbidding them to speak their Native language. That is the bus that immigrant cultures protesting the loss of their "culture" took off from although I don't know if you could characterize black americans as being an immigrant culture in that respect. I heard about it in California in regard to the Mexican culture back in the 1980's particularly respecting the language issue giving rise to ESL curriculums. My mother came here from Germany in 1950 at 7 years old and believe me, there were no ESL curriculums or teachers. She happened to luck out that there was a Dutch boy in her class who could speak English and German and the rest came to her with immersion and she became fluent in about 3 weeks. It took her parents a little longer but they were motivated to use English more as they lived in Queens (in a Jewish neighborhood) and speaking German in public was not wise in post WW2 America.

I, too, would prefer that the priority for adoption be American children over foreign adoptions but I understand the complications due to the insane process people have to go through. I also think that people should have some choice. I would hate to have visited another country, particularly a 3rd world country and bonded with a child and find out that I could not adopt because of a native preference law, I think it would be unfair.

[tidy_bowl]

65. To even suggest such a thing to me....

...is just racist. Kids are kids, they are not 'born' one way or another. Ridiculous.