KERIK: BIN LADEN WAS MY GARDENER Nominee Withdraws Over Memory Goof

[hangloose]

Humor

Former New York City Police Commissioner Bernard Kerik withdrew his name from consideration for the post of Homeland Security Secretary after admitting that he employed al-Qaeda terror kingpin Osama bin Laden as a gardener during the late 1980’s.

<snip>

“When the president asked me if there was anything in my past that might disqualify me for the Homeland Security job, I’ve got to admit that I drew a blank,” Mr. Kerik said. “I didn’t even think of the three years that Osama bin Laden was my gardener.”

Mr. Kerik’s bombshell caused shockwaves throughout official Washington, with many administration figures wondering how an international terror mastermind came to work for the former police commissioner in the first place.

“The Osama bin Laden I knew was not an evil madman,” Mr. Kerik said. “Back then, he was just a guy who was good with hedges.”

But hours after Mr. Kerik’s announcement, Mr. bin Laden appeared on the Arabic-language al-Jazeera network to say that he was “hurt” that Mr. Kerik had forgotten about the years he spent tending the police commissioner's flower beds.

<snip>

Elsewhere, President Bush voiced support for U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan, warning that a new head of the U.N. would mean “a whole other name I’d have to learn to pronounce.”

http://www.borowitzreport.com/Default.asp

[chelsea0011]

1. Gardner? I thought Osama was his Nanny.