Isn't The Word "Queer" Derogatory?

[matcom]

i always thought it was personally. but i see it used more and more here. I am not gay so really don't know.

all i DO know is that whenever it is used in my presence, i wince at its utterance.

when they started "Queer Eye For A Straight Guy" i thought it was sick.

education needed please. is the word Queer derogatory twords gay people or not?

no flames please. thank you.

[VermontDem2004]

1. It can be

but Queer originally meant "strange" "wierd" "unusual" etc. Gay originally meant "happy"

[arcos]

2. it used to be... sort of...

I believe that it used to be derogatory, but gays have "adopted the word" and it is now accepted - only if you are gay or gay friendly. It is not a word for the "mainstream".

That's how I understand it has been... everyone feel free to correct me.

[Palacsinta]

3. I was taught that it was derogatory

when used as a noun as in "a queer" and yes, it makes me wince, too.

[alaine]

4. It's one of those words "we" can use but "you" can't.

I use it more than any other when talking about my sexual preference. Some people find it offensive and never use it, they say gay or whatever. A lot of lesbians call themselves dykes, but if a straight person goes, "man, look at that dyke" it is a totally different context. Like a lot of words it's offensive depending on whose using it and in what context. I wouldn't use it for gays if I were straight.

Hey, is "straight" offensive? Honestly, til just now, I never thought to ask.

[Skittles]

7. lol.........................alaine

I totally understand. :D

[arcos]

8. you said it better than I did.

:D

[Blue-Jay]

14. Is "Straight" offensive?

Nope. Can't say that it is. I used to get pissed off at one particular guy whever he called me a "breeder", though.

:)

[DemLikr]

20. Great analogy, Alaine. I don't use it myself, but lots of guys here

in fort lauderdale do, when referring to themselves or other gay men. Interestingly, even they seem to often use it in a perjorative, negative connotation.

I think I carry too much baggage about the word "queer," from hearing it used as a child in the 60s and 70s in a really hateful, snearing manner, to now adopt it as my own.

I do, however, sort of like the notion of co-opting the word from gay-haters and making it our own, thereby eventually perhaps robbing it of its power.

For that reason, "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" has a real ring to it.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

37. Hmmm so you DO carry baggage about SOME words

just not SLUT, right?

[DemLikr]

38. Stalking me, eh? I'm flattered. The clear difference here is that...

...I am not DEMANDING that anyone else here not use the word "queer," and I am not calling those who do so all manner of insulting, sexist names, nor am I self-righteously calling into question their status as "thinking" people, etc. etc. etc.

Similarly, instead of investing all of your energy in attacking me an others you might have share specifically why, as I did in my post here, that word so offends YOU. NO, not in some general women's studies rhetorical sort of way, but why it offends you, personally, in your own life. What it means to YOU individually.

But let's not clog the board by continuing our discussion here. Feel free to email me a thoughtful, convincing argument for why I should forever desist from using that horrible word, and I will consider doing so.

Meanwhile...:hi:

BTW, I AM giving you major points for tenacity and persistence (bordering on obsession).

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

39. No I read the thread and there you were. I don't stalk.

I didn't have to call into question your status as a thinking person on the word QUEER. YOu demonstrated on your own that you were and took into account the stigma of the word - something you are unwilling to consider with the other word in question. Maybe it's because the word QUEER is an affront to MASCULINTY whereas the word SLUT isn't...right?

[DemLikr]

44. I hear "that word" used in SFL all the time in reference to gay men...

...usually in a joking, snarky way. Guess the meaning is changing, expanding...

I don't know, does the use of "that word" in reference to a gay man demean his masculinity? Depends on who's speaking and who's hearing, I suppose, just like most words.

Not every post here and the potential interperetations of each word in that post revolve around YOU...other people with other backgrounds and world views get to read them too.

But apparently you've succeeded in having "that word" banned here at DU, so how about you let it go now?

Have a nice, free-of-that-word day.

[meow2u3]

27. Straight is not offensive

The term "straight" implies normalcy :evilgrin:

[Christian73]

5. It has a similar history

to "nigger" in that it was a really nasty thing to call a gay person but it has more recently been coopted by the LGBT movement as a sort of umbrella term.

I'm gay and would say I was a queer with no problem.

[Malikshah]

12. Thanks Christian

I was about to say that regarding the "n" word.

You empower the word when you adopt it and use it yourself.

"Queer," "Mary," etc. are words my friends and I use.

"Fag" is one that still hasn't been adopted-- I think many folks still have a problem with that one--I could be wrong--but family in this neck of the woods (SoFla) still rail against it.

I think it's because "Fag" used to be followed by an attempt at beating the living shit out of some of us...

[hexola]

21. It's the exact opposite!

I think you empower the word by NOT using it...remember the OJ trial? At first they were going to say "nigger" in the trial...later they reigned themselves in and said "the n word" Why? Because white society wants to keep the negative power in the word...

Ever hear the Lenny Bruce bit "Are there any niggers here tonight"?

"If President Kennedy got on television and said, 'I'm considering appointing two or three of the top niggers in the country into my cabinet' - if it was nothing but nigger, nigger, nigger - in six months 'nigger' wouldn't mean any more than 'goodnight', 'God bless you', or 'I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God' - so when that beautiful day comes, you'll never see another nigger kid come home from school crying because some...motherfucker called him a nigger."

Lenny Bruce 1962

I'm straight, but often use "queer" around my gay friends...they dont seem to mind, and use it in kind.

[Malikshah]

22. Eye of the Beholder

It's not a matter of whether it's used or not in the argument I'm talking about-- it's who is using it--

There are arguments by African Americans against the use of the "n" word in music, etc.

Same within family regarding queer

just my two cents

[jono]

42. Fag here

I use fag and have a lot of friends who use it, too. But we use it in the same context we would use queer, e.g., "I'm going out with my other fag friends tonight," not, "That guy is such a jerk. What a fag." But I totally understand why people (even other queers) would feel uncomfortable with it.

[meegbear]

6. As a gay man ...

it can be, but like a lot of words, it matters how it's said in tone.

For example, the word stupid. You can say "you're stupid" and mean it to be harmless, but if you yell it, it's derogatory. And as blacks will use "the n word" with each other but if whites use it it's an insult, to an extent, that's true with the word queer, but even my gay friends don't use it too often.

But as another poster put it, it's in the mainstream and somewhat accepted.

[Sapphocrat]

9. Context and audience

If you're telling me, "Oh, what a coincidence, my brother's queer, too," I probably won't even notice what word you just used -- especially if you don't stumble over it.

As a singular noun, it sounds vaguely derogatory to my ear, as in "My brother is a queer." (But not in its plural form, as in "Did you meet any nice queers at the party?" Go figure.)

Now, if you're screaminng "Queer!" and throwing a bottle at my head from a speeding car, then yeah, I'd think you meant it as a slur. :D

For me, there's no sting to it anymore (the word, not the flying bottle). But I'm pretty sure I'm in the minority, especially for my age. Younger queers are much more comfortable with it than older queers. (The kids embraced it, whereas a lot of us over 30 have very bad memories of it being Magic-Markered across our lockers -- or foreheads.)

I like it because it's gender-neutral and all-inclusive, and it's much easier to say "queer people" than "lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, intersex and questioning community."

Best advice for straight folks: Stick with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, etc. "Queer" strikes a lot of queers the way "breeder" strikes a lot of straights.

[Zhade]

36. Good point.

I was hoping you'd mention the "it's easy to say because it covers all the bases" aspect. :)

I'm bi, and I sometimes say I'm queer, if I'm in comfortable surroundings. Otherwise, I can get really touchy about what I'm called (mainly because I'm usually called gay, and I'm not, I'm bi - it's the carelessness that bugs me, not the idea of being 'more gay' or anything).

[Liberal Veteran]

10. I still don't like the word so much.....

It was the word of choice to call gay people in a derogatory manner when I was going to school, so it still has a lot of bad connotations for me. I freely admit that's it's a personal hangup that I dislike the term.

[Rowdyboy]

11. Ditto...

It's a personal hangup, but I do think the word is offensive. I'm nearlyn 50 though and I'm far from being in-touch with whats acceptable and what's not these days...

[donco6]

35. I'm with you.

Guess I'm too old to appreciate it.

[Iris]

13. a couple of my gay friends prefer the word "queer"

[unfrigginreal]

15. Absolutely Not!

It's a great descriptor. I'm proud to be queer!!!!!

[searchingforlight]

16. I think that labels should always be offensive.

We are working toward mainstream acceptance here and any words that can ever be used in a derrogatory way should be discouraged.

My father used to use "dego" (sp?) and said his friends didn't mind but I wouldn't let him use it in front of my children. I still don't like it. When I hear it I think of the millions of people who struggled to find acceptance and equality in this new land. It is a struggle every day.

[unfrigginreal]

18. And what word would you suggest for Queers?

[Sapphocrat]

28. It's "dago"...

And my dad used it constantly, too; I guess it was the N-word in our family (we're Italian).

But coming from outside the family -- I breaka you face! :D

[TheBigGuy]

32. Same here with " Polak"

coming from a part Polish family and growing up in an ethnic ghetto...used amongst ourselves, but "dont go there". if your not from the community and use the word in ref to us.

Another expression I heard alot was "DP", which meant someone who was "just off the boat".....as in "Ah, that DP just moved in down the block...".

[OrdinaryTa]

17. Queer Is Not Monolithic

"Gay" was thought to be the opposite of "straight" but it's a limited term that refers only to same-sex attraction. "Queer" is more encompassing of the range of sexuality.

"Straight" isn't all that monolithic either.

[searchingforlight]

19. Why any word?

I don't give a hoot what people do or choose to do in a consenting relationship. I don't need a word for them. People who are into leather look no different to me on the street than people who are not.

I just want to know how what they are doing affects the daily lives of others on this planet, i.e. are they bombarding me with second hand smoke, do they litter the roadsides.

[priller]

23. One of my gay co-workers seems to use the word

when talking about the more "flamboyant" gay people he sees, like "Now that guy's *really* queer!"

[FreeperSlayer]

24. Ithought it meant "odd"

eom

[BiggJawn]

25. I brought this up last month, Matcom...

And I really didn't get an answer I'm comfy with.

Did get one reply that basically said "WE can use the word, but YOU can't..."

So, if you don't mind, You'll all still be my "Gay" friends....

I don't care HOW they do it on "Bravo"....

[ElsewheresDaughter]

26. "queer duck" i had an elderly neighbor who always refered to

her own sister ...who was a married women who happened to be an herblist, as a "queer duck" ....she simlpy meant that she thought her sister was "odd."

[BushWhacker]

29. Hey matcom

I don't think it's derrogatory - I'm a fag ;) hehe and damn proud of it heh

[Clete]

30. Yeah, back in the forties and fifties

it was the worst thing you could call a man, gay or straight. The same went for blacks and broads. The people who were called these names took them over and made them cool.

[greekspeak]

45. Your right, Clete

The term I have normally used to describe the LGBT community's use of the word is "reclaim." Often, groups who have experienced some form of oppression or another reclaim slurs. Hence, many african americans have reclaimed the "n" word. When we use the LGBT acronym, we leave out a lot of people who really belong in a minority group, people who are two-spirited for instance. I personally advocate the use of the word "queer," as it is a description of a large group of people under an umbrella. Every year, in a different city, college students in the midwest have a conference. The last time I went to the conference, its acronym was MBLGTACC. Midwest Bisexual, Lesbian, Gay Transgendered, and Allies College Conference. Obviously, some people, like those who put on this conference, feer that the word queer is just a little too controversial. But I, and many of my freinds, felt that MQACC would suffice.

[Chovexani]

31. My opinion

I'm a bi chick and I believe it really depends on context. I think that "queer" is one of those words that is a so-called "family" word--meaning, it's ok for one of "us" to use it, but not for a het person.

I generally use it as a catch-all word to describe sexual minorities in general (including myself), because it's easier to say queer than it is to say "gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, intersex, questioning" or some ungainly acronym. In other words, as a bisexual, I don't feel included when someone says "gay and/or lesbian", but I do when someone says "queer".

There's also a second component to it, at least the way I use it. As a misfit and a weirdo (proudly so), I harken back to the older definition of the word as "odd" sometimes when I call myself or someone else "queer". "Queer" also is defined, in my head, by the drag queens, the leather daddies, ultra-butch or ultra-femme, the BDSM crowd--"freaks and weirdos"--that tend to be dismissed and marginalized by the "mainstream" movement. You know, the crazy aunts and uncles people like Human Rights Campaign like to keep hidden in the attic while they're screaming "no, really, we're just like You!" to middle America. All the while forgetting that the catalyst for the gay rights movement was a bunch of pissed off drag queens.

At any rate, it's about pride IMO. I have no problems with Bravo's usage of the word, since the tongue is firmly in cheek (and I happen to be a big fan of QE). I do wince when most straight people use it, much in the same way that I wince when I hear white people using the "N" word--even if they're "down" with us black folks. I can almost smell the taste of shoe polish on their breath.

--Chovexani

Edit: I'm 22 years old, and I think it's important that I point that out. In my experience, younger queers tend to be much more accepting of the term as a badge of pride or neutral descriptor. Older folks are a lot more likely to view it as a pejorative. As always, YMMV.

[Andy_Stephenson]

33. How queer you would ask.

The only time I would take offence is if the intent was deragatory.

[Booberdawg]

34. I'm glad you brought this up

I have wondered this myself, and being involved in a few threads about gay issues I brought it up once because I wasn't comfortable using the term "queer". I did use the term and believe it was within the context of the discussion, but it felt disrespectful of me to use it.

For the looks of this thread it seems to depend on the context in which it is used by a straight, and I prefer to use the term "gay" just to stay on the safe side.

Linda

[helleborient]

40. It's an inclusive term for some of us

For many bisexuals, like myself, it is an inclusive term for those who identify outside the norm. As mentioned before "queer community" is much less cumbersome than LGBT or other attempts to put sexual minorities together.

I am quite happy to identify as queer but not gay...the distinction is important to me as bisexual. Some of us go beyond LGBT and also include kink communities along with orientation communities and gender identification communities under the queer banner.

[dsc]

41. I find it offensive

but it may well be an age thing. I used to get called that when being bullied in school. It is a bit hard to think positively of a word after you hear it shouted at you while you head is in a toilet. I have watched the show though and it is pretty good really. It may well be an age thing and I have to admit I never really connected the bi thing to it. I guess I am entering old fogeydom.

[jono]

43. Not necessarily derogatory

I use "queer" proudly, but like many words it has a dirty history to it, and I see why it might make some uncomfortable if it evokes bad memories.

Personally, there have been occasions when I was offended because someone called me a queer. But I've also been offended when people have called me gay and homosexual, depending on how they used it.

Language is dynamic, and the meanings of words sometimes change. It really is more about the context than the word itself.