Phillip, contractor from Wrentham, MA: You are a coward and a bigot!

[Bertha Venation]

Yesterday morning, in NPR’s story about the new marriages in Massachusetts that began on Monday, a man named Phillip was quoted.

“Outside < city hall > a handful of protesters prayed quietly; others carried derogatory signs. Inside, the couples drew stares from some who’d showed up to pay parking tickets, like Phillip, a contractor from Wrentham who didn’t want to give his last name.

‘What are the kids gonna think? How’s a kid gonna go to school? What kind of affect it’s gonna be on them? I mean, keep it in the closet the way it was. Why do they have to make a big deal about all this? It’s just, it’s, it’s a joke.’”

I wish I knew of a way to find this Phillip so I could discuss his bigotry and ignorance with him.

The first thing I’d point out is that his worries about “the kids” echo perfectly the worries of people half a century ago when the ban against racially mixed marriages was struck down. This nebulous worry about “the kids,” understandable because of prejudices like his, is not for anyone to worry about but the parents.

I would suggest that he imagine being denied the right to marry his wife. Yes, for this man it would be a stretch even to suggest it, but I’d try anyway. Then I’d ask if, having imagined that, he honestly doesn’t understand why it’s such a big deal that we’re finally allowed to marry in MA. I’m certain he’s unable to entertain an original thought; his closed mind will answer for him.

Finally, I could get insulted, like I did when I first heard this yesterday, but it would be a waste of my time. “Never try to teach a pig to sing: It wastes your time and annoys the pig.” It would just become a shouting match – a one-sided one, anyway, with him shouting and me trying to stay calm.

I could go on and on and on about this, but I just haven't the energy. I am tired, my friends. So very tired of this fight.

NPR followed Phillip's comment with this: "It’s the kind of comment that keeps reminding these couples even in the midst of celebration exactly what their marriage licenses will and will not change."

I don't expect ever to be able to get the hardcore bigots to understand. Christ, one has to realize that one is a bigot to make any kind of change at all, no?! The Phillips among us won't admit that their inability to empathize and their willingness to keep us as second-class citizens is bigotry, pure & simple.

[NMDemDist2]

1. this is the reason I am for gay marriage

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=1152259

[Bertha Venation]

4. Yes. That's just one of many very good reasons

and really, it's the one that terrifies me the most -- being separated from Mrs. V. at a time of crisis like that.

[GOPisEvil]

2. "What about the children?" Here's a translation:

"I am a homophobic bigot who dislikes other people based on their sexual orientation. I also wish to deny these people the same rights that heterosexuals have. In short, the 14th Amendment to the Constitution doesn't apply to homosexuals."

That's what Patrick meant, but he couldn't say that because he doesn't want to SOUND like a homophobic bigot, so he uses these mythical "children" to make himself appear like the decent human being he believes he is.

He's nothing but a bigot and a coward as you say.

[IrateCitizen]

3. OK, here's the major flaw in your reasoning

I would suggest that he imagine being denied the right to marry his wife. Yes, for this man it would be a stretch even to suggest it, but I’d try anyway.

People like this are wholly unable to exhibit any sort of advanced empathy -- that is, trying to view things from the perspective of another, with the hopes of understanding why they might arrive at their point of view.

You might as well expect a Freeper to view Iraq through the eyes of an Iraqi.

[Bertha Venation]

7. that's a flaw in my reasoning?

It's not reasoning -- it's just how I would talk to the guy, given the chance. I know there's no hope of swaying him.

[GoBucksBeatBush]

5. hang in there...

the fight for equal rights is justice on so many levels. it will prevail. i've had long talks with gay friends of mine, sometimes feeling as if maybe i don't have a "right" to have strong feelings about the issue b/c i'm straight. they consistently point out to me, however, that the civil rights movement didn't really take off in the 60's until middle class whites saw the dogs and firehoses on the black children in birmingham and got disgusted enough to be vocal. maybe we're at the same kind of precipice now. this is my generation's civil rights movement, and no matter how weary and tired we get on the issue, keep pressing on. like they said at wellstone's mem service, "we will win."

[MallRat]

6. Wrentham tipped a state senate seat to GOP in my district.

State Rep. Scott Brown (R) defeated Angus McQuilken (D) in a special election held on Super Tuesday, to fill the seat vacated by State Senator Cheryl Jacques.

Jacques was a vocal supporter of gay rights, being a lesbian in a long-term relationship herself. She left the state senate to become president of the Human Rights Campaign- while certainly an admirable goal, it left my senate district up for grabs, right in the midst of the gay marriage debate.

McQuilken was Jacques's chief of staff and was also in favor of gay marriage rights. Scott Brown served as the perfect foil, and he actively courted the anti-gay marriage vote.

Long story short, it became a one-issue election, and McQuilken lost by a percentage point on a day when Republicans had no other reason to go to the polls.

The more progressive upscale suburbs closer to Boston broke for Angus, but the more socially-conservative towns like Wrentham and North Attleborough went BIG for Brown.

Sadly, it's bigots like Philip who have dragged my town kicking and screaming into GOP territory.

-MR

[regularguy]

8. What to tell the children:

"Honey, sometimes a man would rather live his life with another man rather than a woman; sometimes a woman would rather live her life with another woman". That's more or less what I told my 8 year old. Took about 5 minutes. OTOH I still haven't successfully explained:

-Why the guy who got the most votes isn't president.
-Why we're at war with a country that didn't attack us.
-Why the Eagles never make it to the super bowl.

This list goes on.........

[lapislzi]

9. I'm with you, Bertavenation

I heard that idiot too. Every time I turn on NPR I wonder why I've bothered. That one made me sputter coffee on the front of the microwave.

Here's what I tell my daughter, and what I have been telling her since she's been old enough to understand, or to need to understand:

"Some girls like to be with girls. Some boys like to be with boys. There's nothing wrong with it. That's just the way some people are. Some girls want to marry girls, and some men want to marry men, and not only is there nothing wrong with it, it's really nobody's business. You love who you love. The important thing is to love."

That jerk on NPR, going on about "the closet" made me wish someone would put HIM in a closet. Reminds me of those annoying bumper stickers that read, "Smile! Your mother chose life!" I always mumble to myself, "Gee, wish yours hadn't."

[roguevalley]

10. It is like after integration. People like him shot their mouth off. I

can't tell you how common they were, how offensive and stupid. I can't tell you how common 'nigger', 'coloreds' and 'darkies' was in people's speech. Now, it marks you as an ignoramus. How many times in your total day do you hear those three words? It will take time for dinosaurs to die off and mammals to take over. Give it time, call them out when you can but don't expect it to be different over night.
These bigots die hard. Its up to the rest of us to be clear in what
*we* believe and let it be known whenever we can. That's how this stuff works. Unfortunately.

[Bertha Venation]

11. And another thing: "Protesters prayed quietly" -- WTF?!

These people are praying against love, stability, happiness, joy, lifelong commitment. I don't get it.

Why?!