Republican Convention Schedule/Agenda Leaked!

[Solidarity]

REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE - CONVENTION SCHEDULE - New York, NY

6:00 PM Opening Prayer by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
6:30 PM Pledge of Homeland Security Allegiance
6:35 PM Ceremonial Burning of Bill of Rights
6:45 PM Bill O' Reilly Weeps over a Plaster Model of the Twin Towers
6:46 PM Seminar #1: Getting your kid a military deferment
7:30 PM Foreign Policy Discussion: Iraq--How Dare They Shoot Back at Us
7:35 PM Freedom Fries
7:40 PM EPA Address #1: 'Depleted Uranium-It's What's For Dinner'.
8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: "The Homos are after your children"
8:30 PM Singalong: God Bless Wal-Mart
8:50 PM Seminar #2: Multinational Corporations: Government of the Future
9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' that Man o' Mine"
9:05 PM Neal Boortz Declares Ariel Sharon "The Ultimate Libertarian"
9:10 PM EPA Address #2: 'Trees: The real cause of forest fires'
9:30 PM Break for secret meeting with Henry Kissinger
10:00 PM Second prayer led by Pat Robertson and Sean Hannity
10:15 PM Lecture by Karl Rove: Orwellian Doublespeak Made Easy
10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration of how to squint and talk macho
10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights" stare
10:40 PM John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory kevlar chastity belt
10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black Republicans
10:46 PM Analysis: How Saddam Made our Gasoline Prices Go Up
10:50 PM Ceremonial Constitution Toilet Wipe
11:20 PM Second Lecture by John Ashcroft: "Harry Potter: The Dangerous New Cult"
11:25 PM Natalie Maines Piñata Bash
11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11:35 PM Singalong: Blame Clinton
11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies
11:50 PM Closing Prayer by Jesus Christ Himself (played by Michael Savage)
12:00AM Nomination of George W. Bush as Most Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord

[molly]

1. LOL!!!

it's about right.

[trogdor]

2. Funny.

With respect, I think this should be moved to the Lounge.

[mike1963]

3. 12:05 AM - 3:30 AM Drink Jack Daniels & book whores

:evilgrin:

[ElsewheresDaughter]

4. ROFLMAO

[yellowcanine]

5. What? No Amway sponsored Altar Call? And what about the flogging and

Crucifixion of George W. Bush directed by Mel Gibson?