If Democrats ran JC - campaign song

[donhakman]

Eyes of blue
wears cheap shoes
He always knows just what to do
Will everybody vote JC?

Hairs a mess
Wears a dress
Says his daddy is the best
Will anybody vote JC?

*
You know that some folks
Hate that
he hangs with whores
Some folks say that
He seems to even love the poor.

Heaven sent
And hell bent
He’s running for the President
Will anybody vote JC?

He’s Democrat
That’s a fact
He’s got it in for all fat cats
Will everybody vote JC.

*
You know that some folks
Hate him
Cuz he’s a Jew
Our folks love him
He is just like me and you


As President
Every Lent
The rich will give back
All they spent
Will everybody vote JC?

*
You know that some folks
say that
He’s Socialist
I say it beats
George Bush's torture iron fist

Jesus Christ
Men and mice
All think that JC is nice
Will everybody vote JC

Blacks and Jews
Athiests too
Join against the
Falwell crew
Will everybody vote JC?


*
The TV
reverends
all Denounced you.
That they hate is
The one thing that we know is true.


Double U
Gets the flu
He turns right into
Soap and glue
Everyone suspects JC

Miracles
Spirituals
And songs that are
Satirical
Will anybody vote JC

*
The folks that hate
Say that
JC is a fraud
But they vanish
As if by some act of God

He’s Democrat
That’s a fact
He’s got it in for all fat cats
Will everybody vote JC.

[rpannier]

1. Very good.

I like it

[AP]

2. "Christ For President" Words by Woody Guthrie

Let's have Christ for President.
Let us have him for our King.
Cast your vote for the Carpenter
that you call the Nazarene.



The only way we can ever beat
these crooked politician men
Is to run the money changers out of the temple
And put the Carpenter in



O It's Jesus Christ for president
God above our king
With a job and a pension for young and old
We will make hallelujah ring



Every year we waste enough
to feed the ones who starve
We build our civilization up
and we shoot it down with wars



But with the Carpenter on the seat
away up in the capital town
The USA would be on the way prosperity bound!



WORDS: Woody Guthrie - MUSIC: Jeff Tweedy/Jay Bennett
http://www.billybragg.co.uk/releases/albums/mermaid_avenue/mer9.html

[zbdent]

3. Funny how the Conservatives of the time crucified

Jesus.

[donhakman]

4. The greatest dark horse candidate of all time.

You know John, the Republican party has so wrapped up the Christian voters by declaring all their candidates are appointed by God that I think you need to address the issue head on.

How do you propose to do that Mr. Soros?

You just need to find some authentic character who can inspire fundamentalists as well as humanists.

Fat chance, who are you going to find to depolarize fundamentalism?
Not even Saint Ralph the Nader can survive a multinational corporate attack. Besides there isn't such a thing as a Saintly politician.

Have you thought of praying?

Preying upon who?

No praying for a savior to restore democracy.
Join me: Please let there be a savior to deliver us from fascism by a man or woman and restore Democracy through out this land...

POOOOOFFF...
Oh my God!...Jesus...

"No gentleman just a humble carpenter that has been waiting for the right prayer to answer for a very long time. Now whats next on the agenda"

Who are you for real?

"You can just call me JC or even Jeeves for short. I understand you need some representation to oppose people appointed by God. Well I have a little score to settle with those people."

Well JC, if that is really your name, I suppose we will have to get your candidacy confirmed as long as we can document your eligibility and a little of your history.

"You won't find any paperwork on me, and what is written has been mostly twisted beyond recognition.

John: but how in the hell, excuse me, I just don't know how this is going to fly with the people let alone a Republican Congress.

"Let's just give it a try then."

...............


Special Congressional session as seen on C-Span:


The chair recognizes Tom Delay
"Mr. Chairman I thank you and the members of this special joint meeting and move that the democratic candidate allegedly named HeySoose Christ is ineligible to run for President". First of all he is not a real person. And if records do indicate he is even alive, he is not a naturalized citizen of the United States."
Point of order Mr. Chairman, my aids have informed me the sun has turned red and is traveling back wards in the sky!."
Over ruled Mr. Schumer. You may continue Mr. Delay.
"thank you Mr. Chairman, I would like to extend three minutes of my time to Mr. Trent Lott and reserve the right to extend and revise my remarks."
So granted.
Thank you Mr. Delay, I for one find it reprehensible that the Democrats would stoop so low as to drag Christianity in the mud like this with an imposter...this is sheer blasphemy and I intend to…
Mr. Chairman Point of Order
Yes Senator Clinton?
It was reported on CNN that it is raining frogs in DC and people are turning into pillars of salt...
Over ruled, please continue Mr. Lott.
"Thanking the chair could I please have time restored because of that interruption?
Yes, add 3 minutes to Mr. Lott’s time.
“as I was saying I intend to investigate this homeless person in sandals with uncut hair who allegedly associates with prostitutes and expose him as the fraud he is and prosecute him to the furthest extent of the law.”
A voice is heard from the gallery “Judge not lest ye be judged.”
Remove that person from the Gallery…

MR CHAIRMAN
Yes Mr. Cheney
There is an unidentified airplane with a Kentucky Governor aboard that has entered Maryland airspace.
I believe we should
EVACUATE THE BUILDING AND RUN FOR YOUR undisclosed locations.

The Chamber is filled with a biminous light and a soothing voice spreads over the chaos...

"Relax, Ignore the fear monger and consider your duty to the nation, your families and the world."
the politicians seemed suddenly stilled and looked up into the gallery.





Chapter ONE

The Campaign Trail

Deep in the heart of Texas aboard the JC bus...

How is that campaign song coming?

This is all I got so far...


Eyes of blue
wears cheap shoes
He always knows just what to do
Will everybody vote JC?

Hairs a mess
Wears a dress
Says his daddy is the best
Will anybody vote JC?

*
You know that some folks
Hate that
he hangs with whores
Some folks say that
He seems to even love the poor.

Heaven sent
And hell bent
He’s running for the President
Will anybody vote JC?

He’s Democrat
That’s a fact
He’s got it in for all fat cats
Will everybody vote JC.

*
You know that some folks
Hate him
Cuz he’s a Jew
Our folks love him
He is just like me and you


As President
Every Lent
The rich will give back
All they spent
Will everybody vote JC?

*
You know that some folks
say that
He’s Socialist
I say it beats
George Bush's torture iron fist

Jesus Christ
Men and mice
All think that JC is nice
Will everybody vote JC

Blacks and Jews
Athiests too
Join against the
Falwell crew
Will everybody vote JC?


*
The TV
reverends
all Denounced you.
That they
hate is
The one thing that we know is true.


Double U
Gets the flu
He turns right into
Soap and glue
Everyone suspects JC

Miracles
Spirituals
And songs that are
Satirical
Will anybody vote JC

*
The folks
that hate
Say JC's a fraud
But they vanish
As if by some act of God

He’s Democrat
That’s a fact
He’s got it in for all fat cats
Will everybody vote JC.


.........


Who are you going to get to sing that at the convention?

"So far we have Barbara Streisand and Marilyn Manson."

Jesus Christ, oh well I guess you jus gotta believe it comes off OK.

"Why yes, yes you do."

[donhakman]

5. farewell