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Edited on Tue Jul-13-04 01:04 PM by TheWraith
I think this covers them all. Let me know if you spot any trailing sentences or anything.
I recently saw a bumper sticker that said, "Thank me, I voted for Clinton-Gore." So, I sat down and reflected on that, and since you are now supporting Mr. Kerry, I am sending my "Thank you" for what you have specifically done:
1. Thank you for introducing us to Jennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky, Dolly Kyle Browning, Kathleen Willey and Juanita Broderick. Did I leave anyone out?
Yes, you left out Richard Mellon Scaife, the extreme-right billionaire who payed millions of dollars to dig up false stories about Bill Clinton. He paid for the original story that resulted in the Paula Jones suit, and paid for untrue smear attacks against Clinton throughout his presidency. If you want proof, it's all documented in the book "Blinded by the Right," written by Scaife's former employee and 'bag man' David Brock.
2. Thank you for teaching my 8 year old about oral sex. I had really planned to wait until they were older to discuss it with them, but now they know more about it than I did as a senior in college.
If you want to cast stones at Clinton for his personal behavior, that's your perogative, and I ain't going to stop you. But if you do, you also have to condemn Newt Gingrich and the rest of the Republican House leadership, almost all of whom were cheating on their wives while they impeached Clinton for cheating on his wife. If you stone Clinton for cheating on his wife, but give Newt and the boys a pass for cheating on their wives as well as dragging Clinton's affair into the public spotlight against his will, that is simple hypocrisy.
3. Thank you for showing us that sexual harassment in the work place (especially the White House) and on the job are OK, and all you have to know is what the meaning of "is" is. It really is great to know that certain sexual acts are not sex, and one person may have sex while the other one involved does NOT have sex.
Whatever happened to Republicans' respect for the Rule of Law? It was a Reagan-appointed judge who ruled that there was absolutely no evidentiary grounds for the harassment lawsuit against Clinton--in other words, that it was a completely bogus frivolous lawsuit. It was another Reagan appointed judge who selected a definition that excluded non-reciprocative oral sex.
4. Thank you for reintroducing the concept of impeachment to a new generation and demonstrating that the ridiculous plot of the movie, "Wag the Dog" could be plausible after all.
Half the time the Republicans scream that Clinton did nothing to try and get Osama Bin Laden, but when he came within one hour of killing Bin Laden with a cruise missle strike, the Republicans could say nothing but "Wag the dog! Wag the dog!" And you accuse John Kerry of flip-flopping?
5. Thanks for making Jimmy Carter look competent, Gerald Ford look graceful, Richard Nixon look honest, Lyndon Johnson look truthful, and John Kennedy look moral.
You keep talking shit about Kennedy, and you're going to have a fight on your hands, boy. In any event, comparing Clinton to Nixon or Johnson is way the hell out of perspective. Johnson started a war, and Nixon was an insane jack-booted thug who had his hand in every nasty thing from here to Istanbul. Clinton produced peace and prosperity, reduced the size of government, earned international respect, and was beloved by hundreds of millions of Americans.
6. Thank you for the 73 House and Senate witnesses who have pled the 5th Amendment and 17 witnesses who have fled the country to avoid testifying about Democratic campaign fund raising.
Lies piled upon lies without a shred of proof. No one fled the country, nobody pleaded the fifth. Jerry Falwell used to sell a video tape claiming that Bill Clinton killed 80 people while he was governor of Arkansas, and had raped teenage virgins on the dining room table of the governors' mansion while snorting cocaine. That's about how credible this claim about the fundraising is.
7. Thank you, for the 19 charges, 8 convictions, and 4 imprisonments from the Whitewater "mess" and the 55 criminal charges and 32 criminal convictions (so far) in the other "Clinton" scandals.
Totally and completely false. All of the investigations of Clinton and everyone connected with him resulted in only ONE felony conviction of any kind: Webster Hubbell, former Assistant Attorney General, was convicted of stealing money from Hillary Clinton and his other partners in the Rose Law Firm in Arkansas, twenty years previously. That's all. Do you know what administration did have 32 criminal convictions? The Reagan administration. 16 administration officials convicted in the HUD scandal, 14 convicted in Iran-Contra, and 2 convicted for illegal lobbying, not to mention the 7 people that Bush Senior pardoned on Christmas Eve, 1992, a group that included former Secretary of Defense Casper Weinberger. If you don't believe me, look it up. It's a matter of public record.
8. Thanks also for reducing our military by half, "gutting" much of our foreign policy, and flying all over the world on "vacations" carefully disguised as necessary trips.
The only reductions in the size of the military in the last 15 years were ordered by President George H. W. Bush and his Secretary of Defense, Dick Cheney. Look it up.
Any scholar of foreign policy will tell you that under Clinton the U.S. was stronger and more respected than ever before. We brought peace in Northern Ireland, and nearly brought peace in Israel before Sharon lit a powder keg up for his own political gain.
And you want to talk about vacations? Clinton worked 80 hour weeks. Bush Jr. has, since the beginning of his term, spent fully 40% of his time on vacation. Four out of every ten days. I doubt most employers would take kindly to you or I deciding that we'd like a three-day weekend every week, or month-long vacations after only working a couple of months.
9. Thank you, also, for "finding" millions of dollars--- I really didn't need it in the first place, and I can't think of a better deserving group of recipients for my hard-earned dollar than jet fuel for all of your globe-trotting. I understand you, your family and your cronies logged in more time aboard Air Force One than any other administration.
I'll ignore the fact that this 'point' parses like a Rubix cube, and simply reply. That last line is completely untrue, not the least reason being the fact that George Bush has used Air Force One far more than Clinton ever did. You don't believe me, look it up. It's a simple fact.
10. Now that you've left the White House, thanks for the 140 pardons of convicted felons and indicted felons-in-exile. We will love to have them rejoin society.
Nobody Clinton pardoned committed another crime. Reagan and Bush Sr. both pardoned hundreds of felons, including members of their own cabinets. One of Bush Senior's pardonees, a drug runner, ended up later committing a triple murder.
11. Thanks also for removing the White House silverware. I'm sure that Laura Bush didn't like the pattern anyway. Also, enjoy the housewarming gifts you've received from your "friends."
Lies and damn lies. See below.
12. Thanks to you and your staff in the West Wing of the White House for vandalizing and destroying government property on the way out.
I also appreciate removing all of that excess weight (China,
silverware, linen, towels, ash trays, soap, pens, magnetic compass, flight manuals, etc.) out of Air Force 1. The weight savings means burning less fuel, thus less tax dollars spent on jet fuel. Thank you!
Complete and utter fabrications. But don't believe my word, ask the General Accounting Office, who investigated both claims and concluded that absolutely nothing had been inappropriately removed, nor any damage done, either in the White House or in AF1. The thing about all the W keys being missing is false too, in case you're wondering. The only report about the transition that was found to be true was that the sign marking the White House Communications Office was covered with a taped-on piece of paper proclaiming it to be the "White House Office of Communications and Strategery," a little joke from one staff to the next.
13. And, please ensure that Hillary enjoys the $8 million dollar advance for her "tell-all" book and you, Bill, the $10 million advance for your memoirs. Who says crime doesn't pay?
Despite the most exhaustive investigations in American political history, even a rabid Clinton-hater like Ken Starr was unable to produce any evidence that the Clintons had ever committed any crime. If there was any evidence of any crime, why weren't the Clintons charged? And can you begrudge them earning a little money, considering that they were millions of dollars in debt at the end of his term as a result of legal fees for defending themselves against the dozens of false and frivlous lawsuits?
14. The last and most important point - thank you for forcingIsraelto let Mohammed Atta go free. Terrorist pilot Mohammed Atta blew up a bus in Israelin 1986. The Israelis captured, tried and imprisoned him. As part of theOsloagreement with the Palestinians in 1993,Israel had to agree to release so-called "political prisoners". However, the Israelis would not release any with blood on their hands. The American President at the time, Bill Clinton, and his Secretary of State, Warren Christopher, "insisted" that all prisoners be released. Thus Mohammed Atta was freed and eventually thanked theUSby flying an airplane into Tower One of theWorldTradeCenter. This was reported by many of the American TV networks at the time that the terrorists were first identified. It was censored in theUSfrom all later reports.
It wasn't 'censored,' it was false. The "Mohammed Atta" that the Israelis released from prison bore absolutely no relation to the Atta who was among the hijackers. This is a well known item that's been circulated on the internet many times and debunked just as often. And, if the original author of this list had done any fact-checking instead of regurgitating urban legends and debunked right-wing spin points, they would have found that out. It's characteristic of the lack of research and actual information that went into this piece. Once again, if you don't believe me, look it up. Everything I've said is fact.
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