Please, I need a Freeper-English dictionary

[AndyP]

What, exactly, is the "gay agenda"???? Do they think that all the gays are going to take over the world and force everyone else to be gay or something? I really don't get it, can anyone help? :shrug:

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

1. They don't know either

It just sounds scary.

[Warpy]

9. Right, and it's a joy to look at the deer in the headlights

looks on their piggy little faces when you demand they tell you just what that "gay agenda" consists of. You can tell in an instant that they really haven't thought about anything, just mouth them words they done heard on the ray-dee-oh.

Don't let them off the hook. Make them struggle. It's the only way you can jumpstart the thought process in people who haven't used it for years.

[CalebHayes]

2. Yes, soon gays will be everywhere!!! Better run from them while you can.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

3. Here it is: The Official Homosexual Agenda

Thanks to bettybowers.com

Thanks to Betty Bowers, homosexuals' sneaky little secrets are now revealed to the godly:
THE HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA!

As every Christian knows, there is only one enemy that threatens our entire civilization. And I am, of course, not talking about Satan. I'm talking about those damned homosexuals! Yes, they give otherwise dull hair radiant highlights and our imperfect décor those fabulous flourishes that elude our more predictable heterosexual sensibilities, but at what price? In exchange for a little panache, we allow homosexuals to steal our children and destroy our Christian marriages. And how do they do this? With their secret masterplan -- The Homosexual Agenda!

Many a well-intentioned person has asked me, "Betty, what exactly is The Homosexual Agenda?" Well, if you have to ask, you are probably already under its pernicious influence and blithely hop-scotching your way straight to Hell. Nevertheless, the details of The Homosexual Agenda have -- up until this day -- been kept more secret than the nature of John Travolta's and Tom Cruise's marriages. But I am pleased to announce that through innumerable free vodka sea-breezes and some artful Christian skullduggery, I have gotten my hands on an authentic copy of The Homosexual Agenda. Praise the Lord!

I have had my secretaries, Miss Anne Thrope and Anita Priceczech, transcribe The Homosexual Agenda from the back of a used cocktail napkin (the original is to be placed in the Smithsonian Institute) for your convenient reference. Never again shall we be surprised by what these malevolent Nancy Boys are up to. While they may still be able to surprise us with a cunningly perfect piece of Chinese porcelain for our Biederimeier end-table, they will never again be able to surreptitiously take over our culture, families and prime-time television without God-fearing Christians being one step ahead of them! Praise the Lord!



The Homosexual Agenda
8:00 a.m. Wake up. Wonder where you are.

8:01 a.m. Realize you are lying on 100 percent cotton sheets of at least a 300 count, so don't panic; you're not slumming.


8:02 a.m. Realize you are actually in your own bed for a change. Wake stranger next to you and tell them you are late for work so won't be able to cook breakfast for them. Mutter "sorry" as you help him look for his far-flung underwear. You find out that you tore his boxers while ripping them off him last night, so you "loan" him a pair of boxer-briefs, but not the new ones because you never intend to see him again.


8:05 a.m. Tell the stranger, whose name eludes you, "It was fun. I'll give you a call," as you usher him out the door, avoiding his egregious morning-breath.


8:06 a.m. Crumple and dispose of the piece of paper with his telephone number on it when you get to the kitchen.


8:07 a.m. Make a high protein breakfast while watching the Today show. Wonder if the stories you've heard about Matt Lauer are true. Decide they must be.


8:30 a.m. Italian or domestic? Decide to go with three-button Italian and the only shirt that is clean.


8:45 a.m. Climb into red Z4 and try not to look too much like Barbie driving one of her accessories as you pull out of your underground parking. Revos or Armanis? Go with Revos.


9:35 a.m. Stroll into office.


9:36 a.m. Close door to office and call best friend and laugh about the guy who spent the night at your condo. Point out something annoying about best friend's boyfriend but quickly add "It doesn't matter what everyone else thinks, just as long as you love him."


10:15 a.m. Leave office, telling your secretary you are "meeting with a client." Pretend not to notice her insubordinate roll of her eyes (or the cloying "poem" she has tacked to her cubicle wall).


10:30 a.m. Hair appointment for lowlights and cut. Purchase of Aveda anti-humectant pomade.


11:30 a.m. Run into personal trainer at gym. Pester him about getting you Human Growth Hormone. Spend 30 minutes talking to friends on your cell phone while using Hammer Strength machines, preparing a mental-matrix of which circuit parties everyone is going to and which are now passe.


12:00pm Tan. Schedule back-waxing in time for Saturday party where you know you will end up shirtless.


12:30 p.m. Pay trainer for anabolic steroids and schedule a workout. Shower, taking ten minutes to knot your tie while you check-out your best friend's boyfriend undress with the calculation of someone used to wearing a t-back and having dollars stuffed in their crotch.


1:00 p.m. Meet someone for whom you only know his waist, chest and penis size from AOL M4M chat for lunch at a hot, new restaurant. Because the maître d' recognizes you from a gay bar, you are whisked past the Christian heterosexual couples who have been waiting patiently for a table since 12:30.


2:30 p.m. "Dessert at your place." Find out, once again, people lie on AOL.


3:33 p.m. Assume complete control of the U.S., state, and local governments (in addition to other nations' governments); destroy all healthy Christian marriages; recruit all children grades Kindergarten through 12 into your amoral, filthy lifestyle; secure complete control of the media, starting with sitcoms; molest innocent children; give AIDS to as many people as you can; host a pornographic "art" exhibit at your local art museum; and turn people away from Jesus, causing them to burn forever in Hell.


4:10 p.m. Time permitting, bring about the general decline of Western Civilization and look like you are having way too much fun doing it.


4:30 p.m. Take a disco-nap to prevent facial wrinkles from the stress of world conquest and being so terribly witty.


6:00 p.m. Open a fabulous new bottle of Malbec.


6:47 P.M. Bake Ketamine for weekend. Test recipe.

7:00 P.M. Go to Abercrombie & Fitch and announce in a loud voice, "Over!"

7:40 P.M. Stop looking at the photographic displays at Abercrombie & Fitch and go to a cool store to begin shopping.

8:30 p.m. Light dinner with catty homosexual friends at a restaurant you will be "over" by the time it gets its first review in the local paper.


10:30 p.m. Cocktails at a debauched gay bar, trying to avoid alcoholic queens who can't navigate a crowd with a lit cigarette in one hand and a Stoli in a cheap plastic cup in the other. Make audible remark about how "trashy" people who still think smoking is acceptable are.


12:00 a.m. "Nightcap at your place." Find out that people lie in bars, too.

[merh]

4. They will infiltrate our schools and teach our children how to

be tolerant, ooppps I mean gay and they will coach little league and t-ball and you know what that means. <sarcasm off>

The freepers are crazy. Their agenda of hate and intolerance speaks for itself.

[Don_G]

5. The Freepers Have An Agenda?

God help us if they get organized beyond their Social Security/Welfare Checks.

[DarkPhenyx]

6. In all seriousness...

...someone posted something here a day or so ago which could be construed as a "gay agenda". It was a story, from a RW source, about "After the Ball". Or was it "After the PArty". A book written in the 70's I think which spelled out how homosexuals would gain equality and acceptance in the US.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

7. I hope they do gain more acceptance in this country

that way people like my lesbian cousin, a teenager in the 70s, won't feel it necessary to make four suicide attempts.

[Beaverhausen]

8. nevermind

[Ivan Zero]

10. The big agenda. Ooh ... scary.

The basic thrust behind this particular cornerstone of Freeper paranoia is that gays are seeking to force everyone to accept their lifestyles, or as they often put it, "cram it down our throats". (They're always oblivious to this sexual metaphor.)

I always remind them that heterosexual Satanists and heroin junkies are allowed to be married - are they also trying to force you to accept their lifestyles, or are they just in love? They can't quite answer that one.

The fact that so many gays no longer cower in their closets is also apparently part of the agenda to force Freepers to accept them.

I'll let a hypothetical Freep explain this: "They're all over the TV now and always trying to march in parades, and holding hands in public. All they're doing is trying to force us to accept them!"

The other pillar of the "gay agenda" is recruitment of new gays, which all this forced acceptance will apparently make easier.

Our hypothetical Freep again: "They can't have kids, so they have to recruit new fags for when they die of AIDS. That's why they make their depraved lifestyles look like so much fun, so that they can make confused kids turn gay."

That's about it. Forced acceptance and recruitment. The thought that gays are just trying to live their lives in peace as equal members of society never crosses a Freeper mind.

[apnu]

11. I wonder if there is a connection to the...

... "gay mafia"?

A good site that has a bunch of pro-gay news (it was founded to combat the fundie irrational stance on homosexual rights) is http://web.morons.org/ Kinda slashdot-like, and, IMO, an ally of DU.

[Aunt Anti-bush]

12. Redecorating everything?

That's my guess. They're going to take over the world via "Queer eye for the straight guy."

:crazy: