Anyone have electronic version of the "Dear Dr. Laura" letter?

[Scout]

you know the one, it quotes bible verses about required actions, punishments, etc.

For example:
"Verse blah blah says I should sell my daughter into slavery if she is disrespectful. Do you know a good price for a 15 year old?"

"Verse blah blah says I should sacrifice a bull on an alter. If my neighbors complain, do I have to stop?"

stuff like that.

I've changed computers several times, and lost some of my stuff.

Thanks in advance!
:hi:

[AndyP]

1. if you go to

evilbible.com theyhave lots of stuff like that there. I find it a good reference tool.
Make sure to cross reference the passages no matter where you go just so you don't sound like an idiot. If you just search bible passages on google- you should be able to find a site that all you have to do is type in the verse and it will show you the bible quote there.

[Scout]

4. great site, I bookmarked it

thanks, I'll also forward this site link to my sister ... she has some idiot-fundie types at work ... good ammo!

[Cannikin]

2. Here ya go...

http://www-users.cs.york.ac.uk/~susan/joke/laura.htm

May 2000
Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

g) Lev 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 19:27. How should they die?

i) I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev 24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.

[Scout]

5. that's it! thanks kindly.

[Worst Username Ever]

3. here

>
>Dr. Laura, the ultra-right-wing conservative radio talk show host, has
>said that she has become an observant Orthodox Jew and in doing so has
>claimed homosexuality an abomination in accordance with Leviticus 18:22
>and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response
>is an open letter to Dr. Laura that was posted on the internet.
>
>
>"Dear Dr. Laura,
>
>Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I
>have learned a great deal from your show and try to share that
>knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
>the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that
>Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination...End of debate.
>
>However, I do need some advice from you regarding some other elements
>of God's Laws and how to follow them:
>
>1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
>female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend
>of mine claims that applies to Mexicans but not Canadians. Why can't I
>own Canadians?
>
>2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
>Exodus 21 . In this day, what do you think would be a fair price for
>her?
>
>3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woamn while she is in
>her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev. 15:19-24. The problem is
>how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
>
>4. When I burn a bull on the altar of sacrifice, I know it creates a
>pleasing odor to the Lord - Lev. 1 . the problem is my neighbors.
>They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
>
>5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
>35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated
>to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
>
>6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
>abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser obomination than
>homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there
>'degrees' of abomination?
>
>7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
>have an defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
>glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room
>here?
>
>8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
>around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden in Lev.
>19:27. How should they die?
>
>9. I know from Lev. 11: 6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes
>me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
>
>10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two
>different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments
>made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He
>also tends to curse and blaspheme alot. Is it really necessary that we
>go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them?
> Lev. 25:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family
>affair like we do with people who sleep with in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
>
>I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
>considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.
>Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
>unchanging.
>
>Your adoring fan."
>
>Peace to you all!
>
>Brett

I think that women who dress as men i.e., wear slacks to work, is also an abomination, oh wait, yes indeed it is Deuteronomy 22:5 "The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God."

Let's round up all the drag queens and pants-wearin' broads and stone 'em, by Jeezus!

[Scout]

6. I like your addition...

I'm one of those pants-wearin' broads myself.

[redstaterebel]

7. I'm pretty sure my boss wears women's underwear...

I guess he's doomed...

[DancingBear]

8. In that same vein, here is another one for your amusement

DR. LAURA: I see. So, God, tell me how you became a parent.

GOD: Well, it was a long time ago. In six days, I created heaven, earth, plant and animal life, along with the first man, Adam, and the first woman, Eve. I placed them in the Garden of Eden, told them to be fruitful and multiply and never eat from the tree of knowledge. Then on the seventh day I rested. But while I was gone, a snake convinced them to eat the forbidden fruit and when they did, they saw they were naked. When I next saw them, the were clothed in fig leaves and I was very angry.

DR. LAURA: So let me see if I've got this straight. You've got kids that are only a few days old and you decide you just want to sleep all day so you drop them off unsupervised in a garden full of snakes and dangerous fruit with no clothes on and tell them to engage in incestuous free love and get pregnant! What kind of parent are you?