Ten Ways to Become a Better Democrat

[Larkspur]

http://www.counterpunch.org/junaid07222004.html

Tip One: Among friends and coworkers, harp on Bush's status as filthy rich millionaire who is out of touch with the American people. If anyone reminds you Kerry is also a filthy rich millionaire, owns several multimillion dollar homes, and once appeared on the right-wing Don Imus show to denounce an electoral opponent as "a guy who takes more vacations than people on welfare," quickly spill your Starbucks mocha cappuccino deluxe on said miscreant to divert attention and change the subject.

Tip Two: Always remember to attack Bush for cowardly dodging service in Vietnam and ducking duties by going AWOL when enlisted in the National Guard. Then boast about how Kerry winning and holding onto many shiny medals as a reward for participating in the genocidal slaughter of two million poor peasants defending their villages against massive foreign invasion makes him "tough and responsible." Don't forget to plug in Kerry's past courting (for the role of VP runner) Vietnam veteran Senator John McCain, who has declared, "I hate the gooks, and I will hate them as long as I live." Priceless.

Tip Three: As a Democrat, one of your major concerns, of course, isdemocracy. That's why you want to get the arrogant swaggering Texan out of office ­ you believe in the right to privacy and freedom of expression, and the Ashcroft goon squad, armed with the PATRIOT Act, is ruining that. If you catch anyone muttering about the fact that Congress - including its many Democrats and John Kerry himself ­ were the ones who placed their stamp of approval on the PATRIOT Act right after September 11th in the first place, tell him or her to shut the hell up and order the authorities to search his or her belongings for any terrorist (or worse, Naderite) paraphernalia. We can't have rabble-rousers ruining democracy.

Tip Four: You know that George Bush has done a horrible, terrible, dreadful thing in Iraq. He failed to garner enough international support or consult thoroughly with allies when launching war, resulting in thousands of Iraqis being killed and maimed without the simple comfort of knowing that their suffering and murder was legally approved by the United Nations. As a man of principle, you know this is a truly foul deed: no child should die from a cluster-bomb not backed up by a UN resolution. Take pride in your presidential candidate having both voted in favor of the war and committed himself to sending more children of our "people on welfare" to fight, kill, and die in that blooming democracy known as Iraq.
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