What Republicans Believe...SO ABSOLUTELY FUNNY & TRUE!!!

[Ripley]

I may not be the first to post this, but it sure as hell is wonderful and worth repeating!



Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's
daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him
and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade
with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our
highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but
multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind
without regulation.

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary
Clinton.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in
speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies,
then demand their cooperation and money.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health
care to all Americans is socialism.

HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public
at heart.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but
creationism should be taught in schools.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable
offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which
thousands die is solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the
Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but
George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a
conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our
prayers for your recovery.

You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John
Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the
right to adopt.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest,
but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Friends don't let friends vote Republican.

[slutticus]

1. This is excellent.

I'm putting it on my office door.

[baldguy]

2. That it doesn't matter what the problem may be,

Be it social or economic, domestic or international, environmental or industrial, too much or too little - the SOLUTION is to CUT TAXES!

[Ripley]

3. OK, Kerry spoke...

Hit them where it hurts...

[Ripley]

4. Kick

:kick:

[Ripley]

5. Kick for the morning folks...

I like this because it is straight to the point on every issue.

[Brewman_Jax]

6. kick

:kick:

[thecrow]

7. kick

:kick: